To think it’s not polite to keep on and on offering food and drink after someone’s said no thanks

[micepies]

At the moment, I am honestly feeling like it’s a battle when I visit certain people. I spend so much time fending off offers of tea, coffee, hot chocolate, cake, sandwiches and biscuits.

It’s turning me anti social as I don’t want to visit.

AIBU and a grumpy sod or should people respect no thank you?

@Whattodoabout

My Gran is like this. I visited her once after I’d just finished lunch and told her as much but she kept insisting on me eating cheese toasties. She does make nice cheese toasties tbf but I was full, she’s a very hard woman to say no to.

My Gran's like that. I'll stop by for a cup of tea, pre-arranged, and she'll have made my favourite lunch or waffles or something. It's very hard to say no. I rarely do because I know she does it because she loves me. But I do know not to eat before I see her.

She also makes care packages. I'm so lucky to have her still.

Why why why why why have you resurrected a teo year old ZOMBIE thread!

I was vaguely aware that I'd once been on a somewhat similar thread, but I only now realize that it's the same thread!

It's probably been said six million times but never come to Ireland its rude to only offer once here. Social norms are a funny thing. it's late so I cba reading the full thread but I'm fairly certain I've repeated what many other have said to apologies and goodnight...

Social norms are different - I understand that but whose norms dominate the host or the guest? It becomes about social hierarchy then not "love".
Basically if you think you are higher in a social structure (an elder, rich, beneficial) your norms should dominate. This is what can irritate the lower rank person (child, poorer, seeker of benefit) as their will is subsumed into the will of the greater. Would love to know what an anthropologist would say.

Coming at this the other way (because now I’m worried I’m rude)….guests to my house will get endless cups of tea if they wish but I don’t snack so I never offer anything to eat (unless it’s a meal). Am I rude?! I don’t want half a pack of stale biscuits hanging around for guests…need to find something to offer though!

Just realised " love" in a lot of cultures is less about enabling differing ways and more about protection and fielty. So by eating whatever is constantly offered and denying your own desire or will, is a way of unifying with the host and surrendering your will to theirs an act of becoming one with them. A suspicious outsider or enemy might not eat for fear of malice and see himself as different - this would convey separation to both the host and the guest . Eating the same food has been seen as a unifying exercise - symbolising a unified body.

Oh but I think different-it’s a cultural hang-over from when food really was scarce; feeding guests was a big act of generosity and guests in turn anxious not to put hosts out of pocket/appear greedy. It’s different in contemporary culture where we have a superabundance of food.

There is a great story of when Queen Vic received a guest who was offered a cup of tea. The guest from somewhere in the vast empire at that time - obviously did not know about cups and saucers so poured the tea from the cup into the saucer and then drank it from the saucer. Despite the big eyes of the staff, Queen Vic proceeded to do the same and drank in this way too....
Now what does that say about the height of manners is making the guest feel.comfortable rather than yourself as a host and what you think is appropriate.....

Because it irritated me the other day when I visited people amd they kept.offering endlessly and I googled it and up came this thread ....and then I was curious as to what the wise web folk currently think about the issue of persistent badgering in this context....and if I can take any tips or learn a new perspective for the next time....