To think it’s not polite to keep on and on offering food and drink after someone’s said no thanks

[micepies]

At the moment, I am honestly feeling like it’s a battle when I visit certain people. I spend so much time fending off offers of tea, coffee, hot chocolate, cake, sandwiches and biscuits.

It’s turning me anti social as I don’t want to visit.

AIBU and a grumpy sod or should people respect no thank you?

YANBU. My mother is a "feeder" and has a really fucked-up relationship with food and it's relentless. More more more more. I've hated it since I was a child.

Ive got to be honest OP, all the people i know who are annoyed by a polite offer of a biscuit, cup of tea or sandwich are extremely underweight women with issues around food, who constantly restrict their intake.

If your dieting comes down as far as worrying about the calories in a cup of tea or (ordinary instant-type) coffee that is pretty extreme....!

YABU but only if you came to my house because my cousin came over once with his partner and I offered food and drink - a number of options - and they declined. Next thing I know it’s got back to my mum via my aunt that “they were there for four hours and didn’t have anything to eat” because apparently I should have ignored what they said and laid out a spread anyway. (Still fuming about this years later - I should move on! But I now ignore relatives who say no and lay out food in front of them in case the aunties get wind of it).

YANBU, repeated offers are annoying - I would say more than twice is the cut off. It is rude not to take 'no' for an answer in any context - people are allowed not to want a biscuit/cake/drink. Constant badgering is being a very poor host indeed.

Ah g'wan. G'wan g'wan g'wan g'wan g'wan. G'wan

Jeez tell them you’re saving yourself for a big meal/just eaten. Getting moody about it is a waste of energy be thankful you have generous and lovely friends who invite you over and hope they don’t stop due to your miserly attitude

You’re easily upset, aren’t you?

I wasn’t trying to make you feel guilty, just pointing out that sometimes there’s a reason for it.
You sound delightful.
Here you go -

I'd strongly advise you never to come to Ireland then
I was thinking the same about the Highlands of Scotland. My SIL would probably implode if she wasn't allowed to at least offer three times per visit! I find it's best to accept tea but refuse the rest using the "just eaten" excuse.

You sound like hard work, I don't think I'd want you visiting.

My MIL is like this, I think she sees herself as one of those homely, warm, welcoming motherly types, except she isn’t and she’s crap at cooking (really crap, fish fingers with gravy on cooked 6 hours in advance and microwaved crap).

If you decline she will get upset and demand to know what is wrong with her food, so you end up taking whatever she’s offering, but if you don’t eat it all she gets upset again.

At one point we were staying with them while we were buying a house and I ended up eating so much I put on about a stone.

I’ve tried politely saying I can’t eat xyz because it upsets my stomach or I’m allergic to one of the ingredients, so the next time she would made me a “special” version which I was expected to eat.

Now I refuse to eat with her, because you can’t enjoy a meal with someone hanging over you constantly badgering you and trying to manipulate you, which is a shame because it’s the opposite of what she wants.

Why won't you even have a cup of tea? Is their house really dirty?

Why the excessive offering? Are they under or over weight?

Depends on the culture - you would struggle with Iranian culture for similar reasons to those mentioned about Greece!

Glad to hear that strong demonstrations of kindness and hospitality are alive and well in some places in the UK.

I agree with the offer twice rule, as some people say no the first time out of politeness (or without really thinking). It does get annoying to keep being offered.

Although I also hate the opposite when you're not offered anything, especially if you've come a long way.

I'm with you, particularly when it is all about alcohol.

We have so many friends who will offer 'tea, coffee, juice, wine, beer' and then badger you 'are you sure you don't want a glass of wine?'

NO I DO NOT. I am not a massive puritan but don't feel the need to be drinking alcohol every five minutes, it is not joyless, it is not self sacrificing, it is just I don't drink that much!!

Generally will have a tea though.

I really don’t like either! It especially annoys me when someone asks if you’d like a drink, you say no, and then they list all the drink options they have. I said no! Leave me alone. It feels uncomfortable and rude to have to keep saying no thank you.

It is not kind or hospitable to keep offereing food to someone who has already said 'no thank you' more than once. It is pushy, unwelcoming and rude.

For me it's a cultural thing. I have learned not to treat British people same as desi people. Our people get offended if you don't ask them again. In my culture they refuse the first time and you have to insist as a host for them to eat.

Its not something I could get worked up about tbh. I'd rather be offered than have nothing at all.

and tbh in my culture it is also rude not to take anything offered. Just say yes to a glass of water, take a sip and tell them you are just having that.

I am overweight, I know I am overweight, so I try to cut down on food.
Last year we visited a relative who is known for their lack of empathy. The first thing they said when they saw me was, "How did you get so fat? I should have just turned around and walked away at that point, but we stayed.
Then there came the never ending attempts to give me more food, which I kept refusing, to the point where the relative started making more comments, such as - "you must eat a lot at home".
I will gladly accept a meal from someone, but I have always avoided snacking - biscuits, cake, crisps etc.

I do this to Dd when she visits me, then I insist she takes loads of food home with her

Instead of going to their house can you meet up and do something together? That way she isn't in her own house and doesn't have to host/ can't host.

"Depends on the culture - you would struggle with Iranian culture for similar reasons to those mentioned about Greece!"

Just read this. The relative in my post is from Iran.

www.persiansarenotarabs.com/persian-tarof/

Very common in Asian families as you often politely refuse a few times then accept. My mumand mil will keep on offering till you accept. When I am watching what I eat I avoid going over as it is sweet but annoying.