To be annoyed that PIL are buying her first bike?

[superslipper]

Months ago, PIL asked if they could by DD4 a bike for her birthday. We said no, as we were planning on buying it for Christmas. I thought that was the end of it. PIL have now bought DD a bike for Christmas. Admittedly, we had decided against buying one just yet- various reasons- we can't afford it, have just had a newborn so it won't get any use for some time and DD isn't actually ready for pedals (she has SEN).
I'm majorly pissed off as her best Christmas present is now coming from PIL. Our presents will not have the wow factor compared with this. Plus I think her first bike should come from us. DD has also specified what colour bike she wants in the future- they've got a different colour.
AIBU to think that a child's first bike is something special and it should be us buying it when the time is right?
Please go easy on me if IABU. I've just had a baby and currently in baby blues mode.

It’s a bike, not dd’s wedding ffs.

Get over yourself, stop making a fight out of nothing, relax, don’t ruin your kids Christmas, just fucking grow up.

The thing is OP you are talking about the grandparents going against your wishes, but your husband wants nothing to do with his parents so surely you are going against his wishes?

Please don't force a relationship that appears to be not wanted, in the hope that your children will have lovely grandparents. It doesn't work like that.

If I were you I would tell them to take back the bike as you are going to get her one (in a few months). And then go very low contact. In fact leave the contact to your husband and hopefully it will be none.

My parents are buying my dcs main present.
It is the thing they really want. I was going to try and get it but it was a worry and would have been a bit of a struggle.
I am just relieved and grateful that the dc will be happy and get what they really want.

To be fair though my parents spoke to me about it and asked me. They said they didn't want to steal my gift idea or take over they just thought it would take the pressure off me.
They didn't just go ahead and do it.

@Pannalash - You have spectacularly missed the point, have a biscuit

No, I haven't missed the point. I simply think your point was irrelevant to the situation. The fact your dc have no grandparents does not make someone else's parent's/pil's poor behaviour acceptable. Not am grandparents are equal.

This "other people have it worse" nonsense only serves to make people feel bad if they complain about behaviour. Equally, "you'll be sorry when they're gone" is not necessarily the case. Sometimes relationships are not healthy and boundaries need to be put in place.

Your post simply attempted to make the op feel bad about her feelings and reaction to the situation. Have a back.

I’ve had 4 kids ,can’t even remember their first bike for any of them.
You are being utterly rediculous

YANBU - you told PILs you were getting a bike and they went out and got one too. That's shitty behaviour. Ask them to take it back.

you told PILs you were getting a bike and they went out and got one too

They told the PILs they would be getting her a bike for Christmas. But they haven't gotten it. So the PILs didn't get one "too". They got one.

YABU

The child’s getting the bike she wants. What does it matter who paid for it?

What does it matter?

If you are struggling for money with a newborn then surely they are helping you out? Grandparents love spoiling Grandkids so what is the issue? Better them buying that then something utterly pointless?

@whyamidoingthis Over invested much? Have another

@Pannalash - Over invested much?

Nah, I just dislike nastiness for the sake of nastiness.

Okaaay

I’m sure you can see the irony of that @whyamidoingthis very appropriate name by the way.

YANBU. If they wanted your DC to have a bike they'd offer it as a joint gift from all of you and pay for it.

This is like overshadowing the bride on her wedding day, you don't do it.

He doesn't want anything to do with them. It's me that tries to keep the relationship going for the sake of DD.

Then stop it!

Stop because you are undermining your DH. He has had his whole life to come to terms with his DPs. He has made a decision and you are working hard to ignore him

Stop because right now your DD won't notice when they disappear out of her life.

Stop because, whatever you might think, you are actually doing this for yourself.

Think it through - your DH doesn't want contact, your DD couldn't initiate contact... so YOU have been facilitating ALL contact for reasons of your own. Your own version of a hapy family? Well, tough, you don't have on of those! You have a different kind of family and you need to recognise it and then change how you deal with it!

Trust me, if your DH doesn't want contact there will come a time when he stops keeping it all in and he tells you how much he resents you holding him in contact with them!

Do your own family a favour, be led by your DH, stop accommodating them!

@Pannalash - I’m sure you can see the irony of that

Big difference between responding to nastiness and starting out being nasty.

It depends.
If my in laws had ever bought my children a bike I would probably have been holding my head in my hands and wondering to how get rid of it at the first opportunity without offending them. Most kids bikes are absolutely crap and my in laws know nothing on the topic so they would probably have gone to Halfords or similar and bought a pile of junk. As cycling is my main interest I have always wanted decent bikes for my children and would want to choose them myself, with the child there to check the fit. So yes, I would be cross.
But if they were going to get the right bike, or I wasn't fussy, then it wouldn't particularly bother me. I don't think most young children really register who a present has come from, and it would be a generous gift.
I do think it is disrespectful for grandparents to do things that parents have specifically asked them not to though, whether that request is generally perceived as reasonable or not.

This is like overshadowing the bride on her wedding day, you don't do it

What nonsense.

@whyamidoingthis I don't see anything wrong in your posts, you weren't unpleasant at all and your point true IMO.

My very much loved parents are gone and my DCs barely have a memory of them, which is pretty heartbreaking. It doesn't mean that I think all grandparents are like my parents were and that bad behaviour should be tolerated.

Yabu.
Theyre doing a nice thing.
Theyve also saved you money.
As long as your dd is happy what matters?
It's not a competition for the wow factor.

YAB incredibly U. Say a big thank you and accept the bike.

Despite all your posts trying to justify your anger YABU.

'nastiness for the sake of nastiness' crikey @whyamidoingthis have you actually reviewed any of your posts?

@ SpiderCharlotte - I don't see anything wrong in your posts, you weren't unpleasant at all and your point true IMO.

Thank you.

@Pannalash - have you actually reviewed any of your posts?

Yes I have. I called you out on your sanctimonious nastiness 🤷‍♀️.

YABU. I think it would be different if you had bought or were intending to buy your DD a bike for Christmas but you haven't/weren't. You mentioned you've just had a baby and can't afford a bike so what you're actually saying is that you would prefer your child not to have a bike rather than one bought for her by her grandparents which is think is really mean.

It's pretty normal I would have thought for grandparents to want to buy nice things and make their grandchild happy - it's hardly a heinous crime is it?