To be annoyed that PIL are buying her first bike?

[superslipper]

Months ago, PIL asked if they could by DD4 a bike for her birthday. We said no, as we were planning on buying it for Christmas. I thought that was the end of it. PIL have now bought DD a bike for Christmas. Admittedly, we had decided against buying one just yet- various reasons- we can't afford it, have just had a newborn so it won't get any use for some time and DD isn't actually ready for pedals (she has SEN).
I'm majorly pissed off as her best Christmas present is now coming from PIL. Our presents will not have the wow factor compared with this. Plus I think her first bike should come from us. DD has also specified what colour bike she wants in the future- they've got a different colour.
AIBU to think that a child's first bike is something special and it should be us buying it when the time is right?
Please go easy on me if IABU. I've just had a baby and currently in baby blues mode.

My pil brought all my kids first bikes. The kids dont care who they are from. And made my fil smile

YABU - be grateful your DD is getting a bike and you don't have to pay for it! What does it matter who gives a child a bike - the child won't care, they will just be happy.

You are being ridiculous.

My DDad has bought both DC presents for christmas that will pretty much upstage ours. Meh. Can't find much objectionable there. The kids will love the presents and after they have been reminded to thank the giver I'm not convinced that they really worry about who gave what...

I don’t remember who bought my first bike. I do remember the time spent helping me learn to ride it. Your DD is incredibly lucky to have interested GP, mine just weren’t bothered ever. YANBU to suggest a different colour and/or make if you know which would suit her better. But YABU if you would deprive your DD of a gift she’ll love because you want the glory of buying it.

YANBU. You asked them not to and they ignored you. Even if their intent was to be helpful, they could have checked first. The fact they didn’t suggests to me they knew what your answer would have been, so purposely didn’t ask you and went ahead and bought it.

OP clearly says dd has SEND, plus asked PIL not to buy a bike and dd isn’t ready for pedals. What’s the unreasonable part?

Why does it annoy me? Because they are rather controlling, they ignore everything we say and they are always trying to get all the 'firsts'. I'm just sick of our wishes being ignored again. I'll let it go though. Like everything else.

The only thing I would be concerned about is that you feel she isn't ready.

DH and I definitely jumped the gun in buying DS1 his first bike (he also has SN's) and it caused him a lot of frustration.

I wish we had waited.

YABU children should have balance bikes before peddle bikes.
If you can't afford it but they can why should tour child miss out.
This isn't a battle worth picking

FFS, talk about making a problem out of nothing. YABU

My parents bought dd her first bike for her fourth birthday a few months ago, it really did not bother me, why would it? I hadn’t bought her one so why would I get upset that someone had bought her something that I hadn’t. You decided you weren’t going to buy one so they did I don’t see what your problem is tbh.

Yanbu. I completely get how annoying it is when you want to buy something for your child then a relative goes and buys it instead. (I’ve had a relative do this and bought it in really ugly colours). However like pp said they could have just thought they were doing a nice thing for you as you can’t afford it now. If you think dd will like it even though it’s not the colour she said then I’d just let it be, you can always buy another one in the future if you really want to.

Some of things are special to some people... Why is it so hard to listen and be respectful?

Yes parents want to do these things like the bday cake. It was special to op.

That's what matters. It was a moment she wanted.
Op... You don't have to give her the bike, I agree get balance bike in chosen colour and save other one for later on. Give balance bike Xmas morning.

They the pils wanted to do something and just went on and did it even when asked not too... It's not pleasant or nice at all.

All posters here.. Would you do it??

I wouldn't!!

Super...

Why should you let it go... Letting it go like everything else is why they do it.

Controlling people don't listen and don't hear like normal reasonable people..

perhaps your DH explained to them you couldnt afford one and they thought they were doing a kind deed? Even if he said "plus we dont think shes ready for one" they may have thought that was an excuse as you dont have the money and wanted to help you.

i would just accept, smile and be gracious. she wont remember or care where things came from, just who she spent the day with and who taught her how to ride it

This sounds like something my MIL would do. When we had DD she kept trying to bags doing things with her first. Build a bear, shoe shopping, certain films it's ridiculous.
You had your firsts with your own kids, you don't get to take these things from the parents.
If a conversation has taken place they should respect your wishes.

Get over yourself and just be delighted that she has lovely GP's who want to buy her decent presents. Mine get SHIT presents from their GP's.
Let them have the glory of bike. Why care so much especially as you can't afford it.

Make the most of them wanting to buy her decent things.

My parents brought my children their first bikes. I was,so grateful. There was no way we could afford it. You wanted to buy her a bike but then decided not to do they did. Can't see a problem.

Speaking as someone with a teenager. They don't remember who spent the money, nor do they care. They remember that they had a nice time, or got nice things. All the fretting about whether it was Santa, or MIL, or whoever is meaningless. Honestly. I was laughing with mine about the very long Xmas eve we spent trying to build the Playmobile hospital, with everything carefully placed. By the end of the day she had put all the bits in various boxes she had.

YANBU in this situation because you told them not to and they overrode your decision. I wouldn't be happy about that at all, and I would be really pissed off by it as you decided she isn't ready for a bike anyway. However, if you have to make to do with this bike, just take the pedals off to turn it into a balance bike.

Otherwise, it wouldn't actually matter that you didn't get her first bike; my parents bought DC1 their first bike, PILs the second, my parents the third, the fourth and fifth were both hand me downs and we have finally got to buy him his current, sixth, bike, which we got him when he was fourteen. He got his first bike when he was two.

YANBU and I would be annoyed too. But, it will save you money as you won't need to buy one, so I'd probably just let it go and not give the bike much attention. The PILs can't control if/when she rides it so don't worry about that.
Our presents will not have the wow factor compared with this
You never know with kids. It's often something little you got in Poundland that you never expected to be the big hit.

Yabu. You say you can't afford it. Let them buy it. You are going to be the ones that see her ride it, what dies it matter who bought it.

Agree with everybody else be glad your child has Grandparents who love her and want to buy her a nice present. FWIW it might not even be the bike your dd thinks has the wow factor anyway. I remember my own daughter at that age ignoring a pile of presents and spending almost all the next three days playing with the "best present ever" a whopee cushion.

She wasn't going to miss out, we were going to buy one in a few months. Now we can't because they've bought one against our wishes. I'm really not being unreasonable to be upset about this actually. Are you lot really saying that you would buy a gift for a child that you knew the parents were going to buy in a few months? Really? You're all arseholes too?