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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that PIL are buying her first bike?

216 replies

superslipper · 06/12/2019 20:52

Months ago, PIL asked if they could by DD4 a bike for her birthday. We said no, as we were planning on buying it for Christmas. I thought that was the end of it. PIL have now bought DD a bike for Christmas. Admittedly, we had decided against buying one just yet- various reasons- we can't afford it, have just had a newborn so it won't get any use for some time and DD isn't actually ready for pedals (she has SEN).
I'm majorly pissed off as her best Christmas present is now coming from PIL. Our presents will not have the wow factor compared with this. Plus I think her first bike should come from us. DD has also specified what colour bike she wants in the future- they've got a different colour.
AIBU to think that a child's first bike is something special and it should be us buying it when the time is right?
Please go easy on me if IABU. I've just had a baby and currently in baby blues mode.

OP posts:
Beveren · 06/12/2019 23:46

Just wondering - when the baby gets older, are you planning on getting a new bike, or will you dust this one off for him/her? If the latter, you're acknowledging that there's nothing special about it.

HanginWithMyGnomies · 06/12/2019 23:46

Wow @superslipper you need to calm down! No need to start calling people names and being so aggressive!

You clearly don’t like people disagreeing with you and if this is the response people get when they do, I’m surprised they bother with you at all! Just nasty.

Thoughtlessinengland · 06/12/2019 23:48

Please take a step back and get some perspective here.

strawberrieshortcake · 07/12/2019 00:01

This is my favourite example of AIBU

OP : AIBU
Posters : Yes
OP; NO I AM NOT, you are all vile/bullies/don’t know my situation etc.

What was the bloody point of asking for opinions then?

Notodontidae · 07/12/2019 00:14

If they offered first, and you said were planing to get one, that the end of it really. You need to controll your own anxiety for the sake of your DD, your PIL, and yourself. I thought it was father christmas that bought the toys anyway, so I dont get why your so stressed. You asked for an opinion on MN, and you have your answer. YABVU. thank your PIL for their love and generosity.

MuddlingMackem · 07/12/2019 00:30

strawberrieshortcake
This is my favourite example of AIBU

OP : AIBU
Posters : Yes
OP; NO I AM NOT, you are all vile/bullies/don’t know my situation etc.

What was the bloody point of asking for opinions then?

Actually, quite a few of us have said she is not BU, so it's far from unanimous.

She told the GPs specifically not to buy a bike, but they went out and bought one anyway. That's rude and disrespectful of the child's parents.

@superslipper, stop trying to facilitate a relationship with these people. If your DH wants nothing to do with them and they're his own parents, show him the respect he deserves in that decision. If they are that bad then he very likely wants to protect his child from their behaviour, and by creating a relationship with your child for them you're ignoring and undermining his decisions in the same way they are undermining yours.

jillowarriorqueen · 07/12/2019 01:25

YABVU - I'd love it if we'd had parents alive to buy a first bike. Who cares where they get it from? It's all family! But we didn't. You sound ungrateful and precious.

PissedOffAndConfused · 07/12/2019 01:52

Why does it matter who buys your DC's first bike? 🤷‍♀️

You will have bigger fish to fry as your child grows believe me.

DistanceCall · 07/12/2019 09:26

Get over yourself. Your daughter is getting a bike from people who love her, which is wonderful and will make her very happy.

DistanceCall · 07/12/2019 09:29

You say that the GPs only see your daugher every few months and pay more attention to their other GCs. So how on earth do they manage to do all the "firsts" (whatever all the firsts are)?

jammiedodgersss · 07/12/2019 09:31

My mum got my girls first bike , really didn't bother me and it wasn't her favourite present and didn't upstage me , I do think yabu

altiara · 07/12/2019 09:36

Could you make it into a fun game instead - tell them your saving for her first car/iPad/diamond earrings... and see if you get some good gifts!

RhiWrites · 07/12/2019 09:39

If you were buying the bike yourselves you could have said “oh dear, did you forget we were getting her that? I’m afraid you’ll need to return it” but you’re not getting the bike yourselves so there isn’t really a good answer to this. You could look at it as fortunate that you had decided against a bike.

The colour thing is an opportunity to teach how to be grateful for something that isn’t exactly what you wanted. (And there will be more bikes to come where she can choose the colour.)

SpiderCharlotte · 07/12/2019 09:41

@DistanceCall that's a very good point, it sounds rather like a contradiction. There are so many drip feeds since the OP didn't get the answers she wanted from everyone.

It sounds like this is less about the bike and more about dislike of PILS.

vdbfamily · 07/12/2019 09:43

I think the difference in opinion here is because as people we are all very different. For some people, the first everything with their child is important. For me, it was never a thing I thought about. We did not have much money when our kids were little and I was always delighted if family or friends bought anything. Bikes were usually from ebay or handed down from a friend or cousin and the kids were still excited. As an adult I could not tell you anything about my first bike or anything like that. Kids do not care who the stuff comes from. They will not prefer GP to you because GP got the bike. They love you because you are their mum. It is never to do with what you buy them so actually in the overall scheme of things is unimportant. The other thing is that if GP's buy stuff that you want to buy, maybe it could live at their house and you could get one for home?

GetawayfromthatWelshtart · 07/12/2019 09:46

You know what I got from my grandparents?

Basically any old crap from drawers in their house. One year it was a pack of old tan tights. I was 7. My baby brother got an empty biscuit tin.

Only my eldest sister and brother got anything decent from them because they were their favourites. Luckily mum and dad taught us to laugh it off and always got us a back up present.

They were minted but very tight.

I would have LOVED to have grandparents that loved me enough to get me a bloody bike! And at 4 she isn't going to care or really remember who bought it for her.

She WILL however remember the next bike she gets. I can't remember the bike I got at that age but I still remember the bike I got when I was 7/8... It was a pink bike. I loved that bike!

champagneandfromage50 · 07/12/2019 09:47

So your DH has no relationship with his ‘controlling’ parents and your pushing for one for your Dc sake. Why should your DH sort this out? He wants no relationship with his own parents. Perhaps now you can see why given they ignore your requests and try and get all the ‘firsts. Perhaps step back from them and support your DH

Sh05 · 07/12/2019 09:47

It's absolutely annoying that they don't listen and are controlling but do you think if your relationship with them wasn't so bad ( not blaming you just asking) and they had offered to buy it when you couldn't afford it for Christmas, you would have accepted that offer? If so, then as you are trying to help keep a relationship going for your DDs sake I suppose you should just let it go.
A first bike wasn't a very big deal to us in our family.,it was dented and quite scratched by the time DC was finally able to ride it. The next one we let them choose and that's the one they pride
A first bike

Aragog · 07/12/2019 09:52

I wouldn't have seen a bike as being a special 'parents must buy' gift to be honest.

If she struggles with the pedals -,remove them and let her use it as a balance bike.

Aragog · 07/12/2019 09:56

Maybe the background should have been in the op, as it does make a big difference in this scenario.
Most people are probably talking about their own experiences with their own parents and in-laws, where it wouldn't be a big deal. But it seems you already have many issues with your in-laws and their involvement which changes things a title.

BinkyandBunty · 07/12/2019 09:58

Think about it from your child's perspective. Would they rather a bike now, or when the track when you can afford it?

Is this about what you want or what's best for your child?

MerryDeath · 07/12/2019 10:01

sounds like YABU and should be grateful for the help. you have 5 kids and are still being this precious about 'firsts'?

diddl · 07/12/2019 10:03

Presumably they knew that you weren't getting her one so thought that it was now OK to do so?

I think that you are overthinking it tbh.

But if your husband isn't bothered about them then I'd stop making the effort also.

malificent7 · 07/12/2019 10:03

Yabu and a bit weird.

EpcotForever · 07/12/2019 10:04

My sister brought my son his first bike.

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