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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that PIL are buying her first bike?

216 replies

superslipper · 06/12/2019 20:52

Months ago, PIL asked if they could by DD4 a bike for her birthday. We said no, as we were planning on buying it for Christmas. I thought that was the end of it. PIL have now bought DD a bike for Christmas. Admittedly, we had decided against buying one just yet- various reasons- we can't afford it, have just had a newborn so it won't get any use for some time and DD isn't actually ready for pedals (she has SEN).
I'm majorly pissed off as her best Christmas present is now coming from PIL. Our presents will not have the wow factor compared with this. Plus I think her first bike should come from us. DD has also specified what colour bike she wants in the future- they've got a different colour.
AIBU to think that a child's first bike is something special and it should be us buying it when the time is right?
Please go easy on me if IABU. I've just had a baby and currently in baby blues mode.

OP posts:
Teachermaths · 06/12/2019 21:10

Take the pedals off and use it as a balance bike if she isn't ready.

It's annoying they didn't listen but she really won't remember when she's 30!

Savingshoes · 06/12/2019 21:12

Send it back. Ask them to put a small amount of money into a savings account for the child.

Would drive me bananas if grandparents were buying big things for my children, just teaches them to see grandparents as cash cows.

Greysparkles · 06/12/2019 21:14

Christ on a bike.....

They've bought her a bike. Not a grenade. Say thank you, spend some quality time with DD to learn to ride.

AcrobaticCardigan · 06/12/2019 21:14

YANBU - you specifically asked them not to get a bike. They’re massively treading on your toes and as a result of them sneakily buying this without cooperation they’ve not bought the right one, so they’re taking the shine off it for your DD too. I don’t think such a major item should be bought without consulting the parents. In our family everyone checks before buying for the kids - in fact the grandparents are buying the main presents for Xmas this year but we don’t mind one bit as we were consulted. If they’d just turned up with massive main presents my nose would have been well out of joint!!

misspiggy19 · 06/12/2019 21:17

PIL asked if they could by DD4 a bike for her birthday. We said no, as we were planning on buying it for Christmas. I thought that was the end of it. PIL have now bought DD a bike for Christmas.

^YANBU. You told them no. They went and bought it anyway completely ignoring your wishes. I wouldn’t be happy either

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 06/12/2019 21:18

YABVU, why should they only be allowed to buy a gift that you deem not as good as yours? Surely part of the joy of being a grandparent is being a big part in their lives.

It’s nice she will have something she will love especially if money is short because of a new sibling.

Chickychoccyegg · 06/12/2019 21:19

yabu, if pil don't give dd a bike, then she wont get a bike, even though its obviously been talked with dd since you know what colour she would've chosen, let dd enjoy her new bike, it won't take the shine off her other gifts, its not a big deal who buys dc their first bike.

NoSauce · 06/12/2019 21:20

OP had decided against buying one right now, partly because she can’t afford it. Maybe PILs don’t want their to miss out? I’m not sure it’s been done with ill intent.

Chickychoccyegg · 06/12/2019 21:21

its not treading on toes though, op can't afford the bike now which means dd has to wait another year for a bike, whats the point when pil can buy it now?

Bananalanacake · 06/12/2019 21:22

I was delighted when my pil bought my 4 year old a bike on her birthday. they also got her a trike for her 2nd birthday. a sledge for Christmas. my mil always buys her coats and shoes. she must save me a fortune. I smile and say thanks, she loves it.

Jeleste · 06/12/2019 21:22

YABU.
As parents we get the most special moments with our children. In the end it will matter more who teaches her and takes her out to ride the bike more often than who bought it.
If theres an opportunity to let grandparents give the best gift, then let them have it!
I always let my parents and the godparents give the kids my best present ideas and the less cool stuff comes from me and DH ;)

TheCanyon · 06/12/2019 21:24

When will the right time be though? My 10 year old can't ride a bike cause she didnt learn early enough. I do understand your upset, but they're trying to help. Just like I didn't want a trampoline or swings, my dp's knew my dc would love them so bought them despite me saying no.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 06/12/2019 21:24

They haven’t gone against your wishes as you said no to the bike as a birthday present as you was going to get her one for Christmas.

You then decide not to get the bike so the pil have bought one for her for Christmas. This is not the same as going against your wishes as they complied with your request not to get it for the birthday and have only got it now as you have chosen not to get it for Christmas yourself.

EightiesBaby · 06/12/2019 21:25

YANBU I'd be peed off to

Kensie · 06/12/2019 21:26

DS's nan bought his first bike, you are acting like a lunatic. It never would have crossed my mind that it should be a present from me. Just be grateful and at least let your daughter have a chance to play on the bike instead of being possessive and coming up with excuses about her not being able/ready to ride a bike just because you didn't buy it. You're being selfish and precious.

BronteShortbread · 06/12/2019 21:27

You asked them not to buy her a bike as you were going to. Then things changed and you were not getting a bike due to money being tight. Did they know this so then went ahead and got the bike?

saraclara · 06/12/2019 21:29

The only issue here is that they ignored you. But is it possible that wires got crossed and that your Dh said something about you not getting one after all and them thinking that he'd given them the okay?

thistimelastweek · 06/12/2019 21:30

When said child is 15, she won't give a toss either way.
In fact, four weeks hence, she won't give a toss either way.
It's easy to get uptight about stuff that doesn't really matter. T

brownpurse · 06/12/2019 21:32

I'm not sure why your daughter won't be able to ride a bike for a while because you have a new baby. That seems rather unfair. A week or two maybe but that's all surely ?

WorraLiberty · 06/12/2019 21:32

She's excited for a bike. You can't afford to buy it and she's 4 years old and you're saying due to a baby, she won't get time to ride it?

I think YABU. Let her have her bike and your DH or your PILs can take her out on it.

Firecarrier · 06/12/2019 21:33

Yabvu

goingtotown · 06/12/2019 21:38

OP you sound like hard work, be grateful you have generous in-laws.

TurnipToffee · 06/12/2019 21:39

YANBU Flowers. People who are saying you are haven't experienced this sort of nonsense.

Girlmeetsbook · 06/12/2019 21:39

YABU, honestly now my kids are older I can say crap like this doesn't matter, who gets what etc etc- basically a power struggle where none need exist. Let her have the bike and enjoy it. No need for an argument here.

Taswama · 06/12/2019 21:45

YABU. Put baby in a sling so your hands are free, take pedals off the bike and off you go.

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