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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that PIL are buying her first bike?

216 replies

superslipper · 06/12/2019 20:52

Months ago, PIL asked if they could by DD4 a bike for her birthday. We said no, as we were planning on buying it for Christmas. I thought that was the end of it. PIL have now bought DD a bike for Christmas. Admittedly, we had decided against buying one just yet- various reasons- we can't afford it, have just had a newborn so it won't get any use for some time and DD isn't actually ready for pedals (she has SEN).
I'm majorly pissed off as her best Christmas present is now coming from PIL. Our presents will not have the wow factor compared with this. Plus I think her first bike should come from us. DD has also specified what colour bike she wants in the future- they've got a different colour.
AIBU to think that a child's first bike is something special and it should be us buying it when the time is right?
Please go easy on me if IABU. I've just had a baby and currently in baby blues mode.

OP posts:
Pannalash · 06/12/2019 22:40

YABVVU my DC sadly have no Grandparents as they are all dead. Appreciate yours.

Greysparkles · 06/12/2019 22:41

I'm really not being unreasonable to be upset about this actually

Fine, why bother asking then?

MissPepper8 · 06/12/2019 22:42

Sorry op Yabu

It's a bike, it's not a competition for the best gift and it saves you money. I think it's a really lovely thing and if there's something PIL or my parents wanted to do and we couldn't (were pregnant right now) then I would absolutely love them for it.

Let them spoil her before new baby comes.

SomeoneBurntTheToastAgain · 06/12/2019 22:43

YABU.

Original poster
superslipper · 06/12/2019 22:43

I don't appreciate them continually insulting our parenting skills, continually going against our decisions and trying to be fairy tale grandparents then having nothing to do with my DD for months because they are only interested in their other GC. They knew we were saving to buy the bike in a few months. Of all the toys in the world they just had to buy the one thing they knew we were getting.

OP posts:
MissPepper8 · 06/12/2019 22:44

Are you lot really saying that you would buy a gift for a child that you knew the parents were going to buy in a few months? Really? You're all arseholes too?

Jesus christ, it's not an arsehole thing, maybe they wanted to surprise you and her. They probably thought they were helping!

Interested in what your partner thinks about it tbh.

feistymumma · 06/12/2019 22:44

Is this a trick question? You are being unreasonable

Stonerosie67 · 06/12/2019 22:45

And now the drip.....

Get over yourself, op, YABU

RJnomore1 · 06/12/2019 22:45

YANBU

Tell them to return it it’s unneeded.

Different if bought in excitement without consulting but you said no so stick to it.

There’s a lot of people on this thread who obviously haven’t experienced controlling rekationships. This was NOT a nice thing to do. This was their desires count more than your plans and absolutely cuntish. Call them out.

Will dh back you up?

Whoops75 · 06/12/2019 22:46

YABU

It doesn’t matter who gets it, she’ll be happy.

RJnomore1 · 06/12/2019 22:46

Didn’t even need your last post op tbh.

Original poster
superslipper · 06/12/2019 22:46

He's upset but said they have form for being controlling. He doesn't want anything to do with them. It's me that tries to keep the relationship going for the sake of DD.

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 06/12/2019 22:47

I’d let it go.

dontcallmeduck · 06/12/2019 22:49

I can see the annoyance but the important thing is your dd will be happy with a new bike. You’ll have saved a few quid too

SpiderCharlotte · 06/12/2019 22:49

I'm really not being unreasonable to be upset about this actually.

So why ask?

You post a question on here and not everyone agrees with you so you pretty much call them arseholes. You sound just peachy ...

RJnomore1 · 06/12/2019 22:49

The relationship I mean. These are people who think they know best. I’ve got experience - my mother buying a forward seated car seat despite me saying it was led safe because she thought it looked comfier. No more rides in that car.

Obviously there’s huge context around that but I understand the grandstanding while not thinking of best interest thing.

You don’t need it and not does your child.

Valanice1989 · 06/12/2019 22:53

Honestly, she won't remember who bought her a bike when she was four. She's lucky to have grandparents who are involved in her life.

Original poster
superslipper · 06/12/2019 22:53

Get over what? Getthose saying get over myself, you've clearly not even read what I've been posting. Is there actually any need to be such vile people?for those saying I need to get over 'myself'- you've clearly not read anything I've posted. Is there any need to be such vile people?
Clearly the only thing I need to get over here is the need to try and keep the peace all the bloody time and keep accepting them ignoring us. As I said, DH will not have anything to do with them as he thinks they're awful people, and so it's always left to me to try and sort out disagreements between them. Hence why I'm getting upset about this. Just being ignored again and sorting out a mess which I shouldn't have to.

OP posts:
Drabarni · 06/12/2019 22:55

My mil was like this. Just tell her you have decided that all xmas presents come from Father Christmas.

So if she is doing it for the glory, she'll have no need Grin It worked a treat for us.
We weren't into spoiling them with too much at Christmas, they had more than many but not extravagant like some. Mil would have spent twice as much as us if we'd let her.

RJnomore1 · 06/12/2019 22:56

Don’t

Seriously!

SpiderCharlotte · 06/12/2019 22:56

OP I really don't understand posts like yours. In the nicest possible way, you asked for opinions and you got them.

Original poster
superslipper · 06/12/2019 22:57

Spider- would you then? If someone close to you said they were buying their DC their first bike in a few months, would you go out and buy it first? Are you telling me that's not an arseholey thing to do? Honestly?! Can anyone actually honestly say they would do that?

OP posts:
Purpletigers · 06/12/2019 22:57

Let her get the bike from her grandparents . You will have much bigger issues to deal with over the years . Pick your battles ! This isn’t one of them .

kleew1 · 06/12/2019 22:58

I’d say YABU... I felt the same about my PIL taking my LO for her first build a bear then realised its £35 and so overpriced and thought thank goodness. Be happy your daughter is getting a bike and the financial burden of a bike in future is off your hands. I’m sure they are not being malicious.

Comradesally · 06/12/2019 22:58

Op people have said..

I couldn't care less who buys the bike get over the yourself.

They... Will have a totally different relationship with their dp or in laws to you and perhaps they wouldn't mind every moment taken by gp who knows.
It was important to you.
You don't have to give it.

You don't have to be controlled. You really don't.

If your dh isn't happy either then why are you the link

Op it's a link so many women think they have to be. Drop the rope. I hate that term but it's very fitting here.

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