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AIBU?

To ask if you’d have kids again?

191 replies

FeckArseMerlot · 06/12/2019 09:47

Just that really - would you have kids again, given the chance to make decisions again with the benefit of experience?

Don’t have children myself and while when I was younger I had a strong urge to, during single years I reconciled myself to it possibly not happening, and accepted that. Now I have a partner who would be happy to. I feel possibly that I’m less naive to the possibility nowadays that parenthood is very romanticised. Would you do it all again, if by some magic you found yourself back at the pre children stage of your life? What would you change if anything?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

110 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
35%
You are NOT being unreasonable
65%
churchandstate · 06/12/2019 09:50

I would. I’d do it a bit younger, be a bit more sensible about finances in my early twenties and be a bit fitter when I had her, but I wouldn’t change her for the world.

RachelEllenR · 06/12/2019 09:50

Yes definitely. It's hard work and I have two - I'd have more if I was rich but they are expensive.

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 06/12/2019 09:51

I would want the exact same DC but 10 years later than I had them!

Jiggeriepokerie · 06/12/2019 09:53

Yes. In a heartbeat.

Kids weren't in our long term plan when we first got married. We were happy without them but I got pregnant unintentionally and a termination wasn't an option for me. I have 2 now. 20 and 17. I wanted more but it didn't make financial sense.

I adore my children. They're amazing people with fantastic senses of humour. Just the best people to have around me.

The only thing I would change if I had the chance is to have them as little ones for a lot lot longer. I miss little hands in mine.

JoanieCash · 06/12/2019 09:53

I wish I’d done it 5 years earlier and then managed a second. Gutted really!

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 06/12/2019 09:53

Yes, I would. There are aspects of parenting that are an absolute slog, but for me it's rewarding enough for it to be worth it. Bit like a marriage, or learning a really tough piano piece Wink.That said, I have no shadow of a doubt that my life would still be just rewarding and fulfilling in different ways if I'd chosen to remain child free.

Autumntoowet · 06/12/2019 09:54

Hard to answer because I love DC more than anything
But if I can imagine a parallel universe then I wouldn’t, no.
We have no family and Ali have had to give up friends, career, alone time...
Not for everyone

Pilot12 · 06/12/2019 09:54

Yes but I would have them younger so I could have more. I waited until I was 40 to start a family so I had two and I'm too old for any more. If I was ten years younger I'd have two more!

Crazyoldmaurice · 06/12/2019 09:54

100% yes! I have a 4, year old, 2.5 year old and a baby on the way so I'm pretty exhausted most of the time but I absolutely love having them in my life. No amount of disposable income or relaxing holidays in the sun would make up for what my life would lack without them in it.

I wouldnt change a thing except maybe saving more money in my youth.

Mylittlepony374 · 06/12/2019 09:55

I would. But I would do it younger.

DryHeaving · 06/12/2019 09:56

In a heart beat, wish I could have afforded to have more

Elphame · 06/12/2019 09:56

No. I worry too much about what sort of world we have left them.

Coldilox · 06/12/2019 09:57

No. I worry too much for my son’s future. I adore him and don’t regret anything. But I wish it was just me I had to worry about.

5zeds · 06/12/2019 09:59

Yes. They are so good. I wish I could do it all again.

Treaclepie19 · 06/12/2019 10:00

Yes totally. Though I feel selfish for thinking that because I don't know what world he's going to grow up in and my DS2 we had a TFMR.

I wouldn't have life any other way though. My 4yo can make any day better (even if he is normally the reason I'm in a mood in the first place 😂)

afterme · 06/12/2019 10:01

How does the vote work?

SquareAsABlock · 06/12/2019 10:01

Absolutely. Only regret was not sorting ourselves out better financially beforehand, but we worked it out over the years anyway. The OH and I always say we can never do things the easy way, but we wouldn't change things either. I'd have at least one more if I could, but at some point we actually have to be sensible rather than hope it all works out after the fact.

I never thought I wanted children but it's by far the best thing I've ever done. I know a few people who planned their whole lives around starting a family, only to realise it wasn't quite what they wanted after all. It's just one of those things where you dont know until you do it, and once you do there's no going back.

OddBoots · 06/12/2019 10:04

Mine are pretty much grown up now (one an adult, one 16) and I would. There was a time about 10 years ago when I thought maybe I wouldn't have but now we have got to this stage I'm pleased we had them and when we had them. I may have made some different career options if I had my time again but then again that may have brought with it other issues so who knows.

Mixingitall · 06/12/2019 10:05

Yes, in a heartbeat. The happiness they bring far outweighs the tiredness.

antisupermum · 06/12/2019 10:10

Yes, but when I was older. I had my first at 20 and now I am in my mid- 30s I feel I am much more "ready" for children. I would love to have more kids at this age now that I am settled financially, in a good career, more mature etc. But, I wouldn't have more children now because of the massive age gap. I think it would be very unfair on my children and it would feel like starting all over again.

The one appeal about having had the kids at 20 is that when they're 20 years old, I'll only be 40. That's one of the things I remind myself when I mourn over losing out on some of my "peak" younger years and experiences lol.

Whattodoabout · 06/12/2019 10:12

Yes but then I never had any doubts about wanting them.

MrsJoshNavidi · 06/12/2019 10:13

Yes, absolutely. I have 2. I would have had 1 or even 2 more, had I met DH and got started a few years earlier.

BlueSkyAtChristmas · 06/12/2019 10:14

Yes. I wish I had my kids earlier. I wish I had been more pushy in my career when younger so I was in a better position to have kids earlier. I have significantly grown in confidence since having kids and as a result my career has sky rocketed. I wasn’t fulfilling my potential before I had kids. I should have had them much earlier.

Kids are wonderful and life enriching (also very hard work if you have 2!). Holding my sleeping baby in my arms as I type and he’s smiling. Best feeling in the world.

DanaPhoenix · 06/12/2019 10:15

Absolutely. And I wish I hadn’t taken heed of warnings about it’s not a good idea to have them after 35, because I would have had a third.

BertieBotts · 06/12/2019 10:16

Definitely, but I'd wait until I was older. 20 was too young to start and I was with the wrong person. I'm a much better parent in my 30s!

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