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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you’d have kids again?

191 replies

FeckArseMerlot · 06/12/2019 09:47

Just that really - would you have kids again, given the chance to make decisions again with the benefit of experience?

Don’t have children myself and while when I was younger I had a strong urge to, during single years I reconciled myself to it possibly not happening, and accepted that. Now I have a partner who would be happy to. I feel possibly that I’m less naive to the possibility nowadays that parenthood is very romanticised. Would you do it all again, if by some magic you found yourself back at the pre children stage of your life? What would you change if anything?

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/12/2019 13:18

Yes, but under different circumstances. I would have bought a house first and got a better job.

FreeInk · 06/12/2019 13:18

I wish I could go back and have children again with what I know now (about myself, others and life in general) but the energy I had then. I stopped at one, and I think it was the right thing to do, but in a more ideal world I would've liked two or three.
Sometimes I feel guilty bring a child into this world and guilty that I wasn't the best parent I could be. I think my need/want to have a child was selfish looking back - I should've waited and got more ducks in a row first (to do with personal growth and resolving family issues more than age or finances).

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 06/12/2019 13:25

No. If I'd known exactly how it would be in reality, I wouldn't ever have had any children.
My whole life would be different if I got a "do-over" and had the knowledge I have now.

Baguetteaboutit · 06/12/2019 13:26

Yes. Absolutely. I wouldn't change a thing.

skidley · 06/12/2019 13:28

No. Never said that out loud even to DH. Had mine young-ish and often moaned that I wished I'd had them when I was older as I dodnt feel emotionally mature. However we now have unofficial custody of a young family member and by god, it's hard work . I adore my kids and ward but would happily live in a world where I did not have the responsibility for them. The adult ones are as needy as the little one.

Whatsername177 · 06/12/2019 13:28

Absolutely yes. It's just completely right for me. I was worried it wouldn't be, but it is.

HRH2020 · 06/12/2019 13:38

No I wouldn't

Thatagain · 06/12/2019 13:39

No I wouldn't not in this world we live in. If I waited untill I was older to have children I wouldn't have them. I was young and didn't realise what was going on around so had children without thinking about the effects that society has on people. But now I wouldn't and I say to my dcs they wouldn't be here if I waited to have them. So no not the place to bring up children.

FiveHoursSleep · 06/12/2019 13:40

Yes, I would. I had my first at 31 and my fourth at 38 and it was a great age to have kids.
I love that I had my 20s to myself, to go to uni, start a career, travel etc
The three younger ones are autistic and I wouldn't even change that, although there are definitely challenges that go alongside their conditions.
Maybe we could have had 2 or 3, rather than 4, as they do get very expensive as teenagers, but I'd not like to choose which one to be without.

Harveypuss · 06/12/2019 13:43

Absolutely. Don't regret it at all. My girl & boy are 18 and 16 now and are wonderful young people whom I immensely proud of. I do though look back with some regret and wish I'd had more patience when they were toddlers. The arguing & tantrums used to do my head in and I found it very challenging. If I were to have my time again, I'd have the exact same kids (!) and the same age (early 30s) but I'd be a more patient mum and enjoy them more whilst they are young. I never particularly enjoyed playing endless peek-a-boo games or going over the park in the cold, just to get them out of the house. I was a much better mum as they go a bit older and were a bit more independent. I feel very guilty for admitting this. Sad.

malloo · 06/12/2019 13:45

Probably! But once you've had them it's impossible to imagine them not being in your life because you love them so much that they are your life, so it's difficult to get a good answer to your question OP. I think I would have been a more useful member of society if I hadn't had them to be honest. They take up so much of your time, energy and money it doesn't leave much for anything else. I do think wistfully about all the things I could have done, and I know I would be doing a different job, and probably living somewhere else, also I wouldn't have a car! Would I have been happier? Who knows!

Worried74 · 06/12/2019 13:46

No, this isn't what I signed up for!! Life's a slog. You just get one issue sorted out and another pops up. It's hard, thankless work, constant and soul destroying. That said I do love my children but with 2 with additional needs, no end in sight and worry about what happens when we die if I could turn back time I would.

PooWillyBumBum · 06/12/2019 13:47

Nope. Life is full and rich without them. I’m jealous of childfree friends!

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 06/12/2019 13:47

Yes, but I wish I'd sorted two things out beforehand - my mental health (fear of vomiting phobia which was dormant until I had my son) and also my relationship - I think if we'd waited a bit longer before having him we would have stayed together. Short of that, found someone who didn't turn out to be such an abject disappointment and emotionally abusive arsehole Grin

Ruddle91 · 06/12/2019 13:48

I have one. Fell pregnant at 25 unplanned. It's worked out well but I'd rather have had a planned pregnancy a couple of years later I think.

joffreyscoffees · 06/12/2019 13:48

No, I wouldn't.

I love DD more than life itself but if it wasn't her, I wouldn't choose to have children. I've completely lost my life - mainly due to her awful sleep and no family to help.

There definitely won't be anymore children! Grin

Mummadeeze · 06/12/2019 13:48

My daughter has brought me more pleasure than anything else in life ever has (and I have had an okay life on the whole). So yes.

NameChangedNoImagination · 06/12/2019 13:55

100% YES

JacquesHammer · 06/12/2019 13:56

Absolutely. I would have paid for investigation following my first m/c though - it may have made a difference to the sexond.

Metalhead · 06/12/2019 13:59

I would, but stop at one Blush.

dottiedodah · 06/12/2019 14:01

100% yes! they are older now ,but we still have fun together and its quite funny when we have adult conversations .We all like going out to places /theatre /london trips and so on.Really wish I could have saved money for them but was a SAHM which I loved !

Thescrewinthetuna · 06/12/2019 14:04

If I could have the same DC 8-10 years after I had them so I could have moved to a better position in my career then I would

nicelyneurotic · 06/12/2019 14:04

I would have stopped after 1.

sparkle789 · 06/12/2019 14:05

Yes but I’d have had them about 5 years later than I did, and has smaller age gaps.

Molly2016 · 06/12/2019 14:27

No. Both mine have medical conditions. I would have loved to have experienced ‘well’ children in the first yr but won’t have anymore.
If I could wind back the clock I wouldn’t have. I know how that sounds but every day is hard and probably will be for the foreseeable.