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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you’d have kids again?

191 replies

FeckArseMerlot · 06/12/2019 09:47

Just that really - would you have kids again, given the chance to make decisions again with the benefit of experience?

Don’t have children myself and while when I was younger I had a strong urge to, during single years I reconciled myself to it possibly not happening, and accepted that. Now I have a partner who would be happy to. I feel possibly that I’m less naive to the possibility nowadays that parenthood is very romanticised. Would you do it all again, if by some magic you found yourself back at the pre children stage of your life? What would you change if anything?

OP posts:
Whichoneofyoudidthat · 06/12/2019 12:22

A thousand times yes

Autumntoowet · 06/12/2019 12:26

I feel in these kind of threads you have to justify when you say No, even though it takes a lot of guts and it is uncomfortable.
Seems excessive. I’m a single parent with no parents.
But career? Friends? Absolutely. How has having children lost you friends?

It is only DH and I. I used to work in a big city and that is where my friends are. Our home is attached to DH’s work and therefore I was the one to change jobs to be closer and allow for childcare drop offs etc. Career is now part time and I have gone back many many levels.
DH was also seriously ill for a long while and I took yet another career and friendship break because again, my friends are all far since where we live I haven’t made any and I don’t commute to work there anymore.

We don’t get time to go and see friends. For a long while I was caring for both DH and DC on my own 24/7. Even as he is better I don’t have the luxury of driving an hour to see friends and back.

95% of my friends are also child free and it is not easy to meet up.

Not even sure why I need to explain my answer. I must be the only one to have lost a career and friends.

Emeraldshamrock · 06/12/2019 12:28

Some days I think no not a bloody chance, most days I'm glad I had them.

lifesnotaspectatorsport · 06/12/2019 12:28

100% yes. And I spent most of my 20s and 30s thinking I didn't want kids! But as time ticked away we decided to go for it - probably from FOMO as much as anything 😂 And from the moment I saw DS's heartbeat on my first scan, I have loved him with all my soul. He's 2.5 now and an absolutely gorgeous, sweet, clever and kind little boy. I am 40 and pregnant again. I wouldn't change the timing either; I built my career, travelled, indulged myself before DS was born and I feel ok with the change of pace of my life. I do work full time though and need the balance of work/ adult time with my mummy duty 😊

Anotherdrama · 06/12/2019 12:37

No.
but it’s more that I shouldn’t have had children not I didn’t want them.
I have so many issues that I didn’t even realise until after I’d had them and unfortunately I’ve let my children down

Minai · 06/12/2019 12:40

Yes. 100%. It has been hard as I have 2 very close in age and I have no family support, husband works away a lot and I’ve had various unforeseen health problems since they were born but I wouldn’t change either of them for the world and I would do it all again in a heartbeat

Oliversmumsarmy · 06/12/2019 12:44

Definitely but I would have started earlier and had more.

Best thing to happen to me

Infinityandbeyondthestars · 06/12/2019 12:49

yes 100%, would have liked to have had ds earlier and maybe another but it has been by far the best thing to have happened in my life

charm8ed · 06/12/2019 12:50

There are lots of posters saying they wish they’d started their families sooner, I didn’t expect to hear that.

SomeonesRealName · 06/12/2019 12:51

I'd definitely have DS again, and if I could fast forward through the first three or four years (which I personally found quite hard going) I'd have more!

Paddington68 · 06/12/2019 12:51

Got turkey this year.

gothefcktosleep · 06/12/2019 12:52

churchandstate

I would. I’d do it a bit younger, be a bit more sensible about finances in my early twenties and be a bit fitter when I had her, but I wouldn’t change her for the world.

EVERYTHING churchandstate said, this is absolutely my feeling.

Littlecaf · 06/12/2019 12:54

Yes I would. It’s hard. It’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do. Ever. But it’s so worth it.

If I did it again I would have them a little younger. I was 34 and between 30-32 would have been better for my physical and mental health and career.

noworlater13 · 06/12/2019 13:01

Op I did, have a 10 year gap.
Absolutely love it, better this time around because I knew myself.
But there are crazy moments and sick bugs etc but it's the same as relationships, even the good ones have there issues

Wildthyme · 06/12/2019 13:03

If I could have them again, I'd like the same children but different father.

I'd also like the one who died to live.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/12/2019 13:06

I absolutely idolise my dd. However if I knew how intense and terrifying the fear and worry was about anything happening to her. (It’s there literally for second they’re born, well as you all know) I’m not saying
“I wouldn’t have had her” but I think I would have thought much harder.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/12/2019 13:08

Thing is though if you’d have had your kids earlier/later. It wouldn’t have been them. Different sperm different egg

Amanduh · 06/12/2019 13:09

100%.

dontalltalkatonce · 06/12/2019 13:09

No, I wouldn't have.

crispysausagerolls · 06/12/2019 13:10

There has been in influx of these threads recently, and I find them extremely depressing. I’m sure I will be “yelled at”
Via the medium of type, but I think it’s a pretty sad thing to say you wouldn’t do it again. Poor children.

Bunnybaubles · 06/12/2019 13:11

I previously said yes to a similar thread a while back.
But I'm in the middle of a tantrum with my 1 year old... so NO! Xmas Grin

zafferana · 06/12/2019 13:12

Yes, I would. It hasn't always been easy and I found the early years (particularly the toddler years), really hard on my nerves! The love that I feel for and from my DC though is something that my life would have been so much poorer without. I know I'm a nicer person now too. Maybe that would've happened with age anyway, but having kids has made me more patient and tolerant and I think those are qualities that the world could do with a bit more of.

I also wouldn't change anything and really couldn't, given the way our life panned out. I wish I was younger NOW, but younger when I had my kids? No, not really. I just wish my grandma had got to meet DS1. She missed being a great-granny by just 18 months.

RoseHippy1 · 06/12/2019 13:12

It’s incredibly hard and I’ve made many sacrifices (I have 2u2) and am shattered literally all the time . But yes , I’d do it again. They bring me so much joy I cannot imagine life without them.

lifeisgoodagain · 06/12/2019 13:13

A year ago I would have said no way but I'm super broody. My kids are adults (I was a youngish mum) and I think they would kill me if I did! Haven't had a proper conversation about this with new partner but as he also has grown kids and is older I think I'll have to wait for grandkids instead

DuesToTheDirt · 06/12/2019 13:17

I wouldn't. The planet is fucked and I wish I hadn't brought them into this mess,