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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you’d have kids again?

191 replies

FeckArseMerlot · 06/12/2019 09:47

Just that really - would you have kids again, given the chance to make decisions again with the benefit of experience?

Don’t have children myself and while when I was younger I had a strong urge to, during single years I reconciled myself to it possibly not happening, and accepted that. Now I have a partner who would be happy to. I feel possibly that I’m less naive to the possibility nowadays that parenthood is very romanticised. Would you do it all again, if by some magic you found yourself back at the pre children stage of your life? What would you change if anything?

OP posts:
Sipperskipper · 06/12/2019 14:35

Yes but I’d only want her! She is 2.5 now and just the most wonderful human. I often feel like I’d be pushing my luck to try for another as she is so lovely. Happy, healthy and full of fantastic personality.

puppymouse · 06/12/2019 14:36

I'd have my DD specifically again but if she was wiped from my memory and genetic parenting opportunity was left knowing what I know now? No I don't think I would. But then my life would be completely different as DH wouldn't have stayed with me if I'd said no to kids.

Levatrice · 06/12/2019 14:37

No I wouldn’t ( 2 dc)

Sipperskipper · 06/12/2019 14:37

@Molly2016 I x posted with you - I realise this looks like I was being incredibly insensitive but I didn’t see your post.

PandasandRabbit · 06/12/2019 14:42

Yes would definitely have again.

Molly2016 · 06/12/2019 14:43

@Sipperskipper that’s ok. It’s what I feel like I missed out on. That feeling of ‘enjoying’ them.

Snaga · 06/12/2019 14:44

I wouldn't.

My children are the centre of my world and I don't regret having them but if I'd known how shit the country was going to get and the world at large I'd never have had children.

Throwawayteachere · 06/12/2019 14:47

I love him more than anything but would have had him later when we had more savings and our own home. Trying to save with childcare is really difficult and we have lost friends and extended family as we can't afford to do anything and don't have the energy either.

Autumntoowet · 06/12/2019 16:21

There has been in influx of these threads recently, and I find them extremely depressing. I’m sure I will be “yelled at”
Via the medium of type, but I think it’s a pretty sad thing to say you wouldn’t do it again. Poor children.

I disagree entirely. If we only hear the wonders of parenthood then we are selling a fake story.
Lots of people should not have children full stop.
Some people have them only to realise it is a lot harder than they thought.
Lots of children are then neglected.
I pity those children.
I love mine more than anything in the world. I would never tell them this but yes, it is possible to say that Im another life you wouldn’t have had them.
Better to speak the truth

fishonabicycle · 06/12/2019 16:52

I would have my son again. I would love to hold his little hand.

Topseyt · 06/12/2019 17:16

I would.

I was never the most maternal of people, but always knew that I wanted my own children. I had three girls who are now 24, 21 and 17. They are fabulous. I can't imagine life without them. Now that they are virtually grown up they are like friends to me too.

I am so glad I had them. They were born when I was 28, 32 and 36, and for me those age gaps worked well.

lostlondoner · 06/12/2019 17:23

Yes but I'd have a live in nanny and a housekeeper 😃

OrangeZog · 06/12/2019 17:25

Yes although I would very much hope that in this parallel universe I didn’t go through miscarriages or the death of my youngest daughter.

SwampOfDeath · 06/12/2019 17:42

My DC are my life. But I quake in my boots when I think about the future they are likely to face. To picture them adapting to ever more challenging conditions with fewer resources, themselves having to make the decision about whether to have children of their own breaks my heart. That's the killer, actually, imagining them asking me at what point I knew about the deterioration of the environment and the climate breakdown, and still decided to go ahead and procreate, knowing what the likely outcome would be. Because I did know, 10 years ago, the science was definitely there.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 06/12/2019 17:43

Definitely. I might have opted for a wealthier husband though. Money matters much more when you have children.

nrpmum · 06/12/2019 17:45

No. I wouldn't trust myself to have them with the right man, and they cost a lot. I'd stick to dogs.

Craiglang · 06/12/2019 17:50

Absolutely. I might have changed a few decisions we made along the way but then I wouldn't have the three amazing little humans that we do... So actually I'd not change anything.

Yoohoo16 · 06/12/2019 17:52

100% yes. Being a mum has bought something to my life that nothing else could. I was 30 and it was a perfect age for me.

lovemenorca · 06/12/2019 18:06

* My children are the centre of my world and I don't regret having them but if I'd known how shit the country was going to get and the world at large I'd never have had children.*

But do you and your children actually experience a “shit” country on a day to day basis?

My children go to wonderful schools, they live in a lovely town in SE England with lots of green space, we are less than hour from from theatre etc of London, half hour from the breathtaking camber sands beach.

My children are having the most wonderful life. And as a single parent with no support network - I’m pretty happy too!

IHaveBrilloHair · 06/12/2019 18:10

Hmm, I think so, but I also think I could have been very happy childfree too.

Brimful · 06/12/2019 18:16

I find these threads really interesting, and value poster's honesty.

bumblingbovine49 · 06/12/2019 18:20

No I most definitely would not.

Not because of DS but because I am so unsuited to parenthood. DS and I have an appalling relationship at the moment and I feel helpless to do anything about it. Parenthood is nothing but worry and despair for me, particularly in the last couple of years.and I can't seem to do anything about it , no matter how hard I try. Unfortunately, DS is the one who is paying the price and knowing that just makes everything even worse.

I love him more than anything but I know that my character is not great for parenting ( short tempered, overly critical, irritable ). When combined with a child with ADHD and ASD, it is a very difficult combination.

I do my best but I see myself clearly ( the only positive thing I can say about myself at the moment ) and it is frankly not good enough. So yes, I should not have had a child, but I did and here we are.

Sorry to put such a downer on what are a lot of lovely positive posts

MaintainTheMolehill · 06/12/2019 18:27

I would have them again because I would be bored without them however the worry that comes along with kids (for me) is unbearable at times. My 3 are 14, 10 and 8 and I resent sometimes that if anything should ever happen to them my life would be over.
There are 3 little pieces of my heart walking about every day, crossing roads, going on bus journeys, being around other people and I can't see and protect them. It's a horrible feeling. I may have some anxiety issues though.

What they add to my life goes a long way to make up for it, they are my best friends and I love watching them grow.

lovemenorca · 06/12/2019 18:29

@bumblingbovine49

In all seriousness - someone as insightful, honest and concerned as you come across in your post is really not going to be a bad parent, not at all

riotlady · 06/12/2019 18:51

Absolutely, she’s the light of my life.

Would have maybe been better if we’d planned her though!