AIBU to ask some birth story questions?

[SmoothOrange]

I am currently just over 3 months pregnant with my first baby, and to be honest I am stating to shit myself!

I know it is going to hurt, like really really hurt but I was wondering if someone could give me a bit more info on this.

So the labour pains are the contractions right? Excruciating stomach pains?

What I wanted to know is, when you are pushing and experiencing that "ring of fire", how long does this go on for? surely once baby has crowned it doesn't take that long to push it out?

Argh! I am so scared about the pain, and something going wrong.

If you discovered you were pregnant again, what would you choose (if you could choose)

A: Vaginal birth with epidural
B: Vaginal birth with no epidural
C: C section
D: I would never go through that pain ever again!

I just want to be fully prepared for what will happen because at the moment none of it seems real!

Whilst I don't particularly want to hear horrendous horror stories, feel free to share your experiences :)

Also, do pelvic floor exercises make the birth go easier?

Contractions you can feel in your lower back, bum and stomach. I've had three vaginal births, the crowning lasted for ten minutes with my first and I won't lie it hurt. Felt like someone was holding a lighter to my vagina. The next two births weren't as long or bad but the contractions were stronger with my second.

Honestly don't stress about things they might seem bad at the time but you do forget over time about how bad it might be but everyone's births are different.

Hi OP

My midwife said to me that most people cope with the pain if the labour isn't too long, so it's often how tired you are and the length of the labour that make people feel like they arent coping rather than the intensity of the pain.

There are a lot of things you can do to make it go quicker - whatever you need to destress, low lighting, candles, relaxing music, bouncing on ball, staying active and upright etc etc.

The contractions for me felt like a ring of cramp around my stomach and lower back. Massaging the cramping area of my back helped. Dont know about the crowning as I had an epidural by then

In labour, being in body temperature water was a surprisingly good pain relief - for me it made a massive difference and was more effective than gas and air

Remember most people who have had a baby choose to do it again even knowing what its like!

Thanks, I have also just realised my heading is wrong and it should read "birth questions" rather than pregnancy ones, d'oh!

I would like a water birth but I also feel like I will need the epidural so am torn :(

My contractions were all in my back, nothing in stomach. The pushing felt like it was pushing a Huge poo, it felt nowhere near my vagina (although I’m reliably informed by DH that she did indeed come out that way )

I was meant to be induced and planned an epidural (and expected an emergency section) but went into spontaneous labour after failed induction and had her in 6.5hrs with gas and air.
I didn’t feel a ring of fire just stretching but by that point you don’t care and want baby out.
I’d do it again exactly the same, it was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be!

Epidural epidural epidural

I laboured to 8cm with nothing, it was agony and I couldn't get comfortable, then once I had the epidural I couldn't stop thinking to myself "WHY did you go through all that pain when you could have had this hours ago", it was amazing, I even managed to have a nap at 9cm.

Was also very handy because I didn't feel a thing during episiotomy / stitches / tear

Had my daughter: Vaginal birth with no epidural!- just gas and air
I cannot begin to tell you how bad the pain was....i can only describe it as i thought i was going to explode. In fact I did actually ask the midwife it I would explode. No back pain for me just an immense pressure in my pelvis downwards. Birthing pool was awful for me, I wanted a hard surface and went back to the bed asap.
I will say though, I had no tearing, no ring of fire, and was up and about completely normally within a couple of hours (went home the next morning).
I always say id opt for an epidural/ c-section next time but in reality its so much easier to be up and about if you are lucky enough to have an "easy" natural birth. My friends with c sections were in hospital for days after and I cant think of anything worse.

Hi OP - I've had one baby and can only share my experience.

Contractions - They started in my back and made their way to my lower stomach. I'd describe them like bad period backache then becoming like intense poo pains.

Crowning - An intense burning pain. If you have ever head a UTI, similar to that. About 10 mins if that.

I had a relatively quick labour (2 hours active), and only needed gas and air. I'm a wuss too! I'm lucky I had a straight forward birth following an induction. I was 12 days over due.

The pain is a build up, so usually (not always but usually) the first few hours are perfectly manageable. When it gets to the main event, all sense of time seems to disappear, it's not like you're looking at the clock counting down the minutes. As for pain relief, with my first I had a water birth with gas and air, my second ramped up so quickly from an induction there was no time for anything (I threw up the cocodamol they gave me instantly). Both were painful but not insurmountable in getting through it, though given the choice again I'd certainly have my first experience over my second. Every woman has a different experience though, it's a very much 'in the moment' thing of how much pain relief you want.

Should have added I'm 6 weeks pregnant just now and will without a doubt be requesting one for this birth. DS was back to back and 8lb which may have made it a bit worse though.

Ah, but everyone's experiences are different! You could have contractions that feel like severe period pains, or you could have full on back labour. With my first, I was completely numb from pushing for so long that I felt nothing when she finally emerged. With my second I felt everything.

I would definitely recommend a water birth - even if you only labour in the water. Getting in warm water makes a huge difference - I laboured at home, and spent a lot of that time in the bath. When I went to the birth centre, I got in the birth pool. Definitely recommend that!

The pain is a build up, so usually (not always but usually) the first few hours are perfectly manageable.

I went from no contractions (that I could feel anyway) to full on contractions straight away. My waters broke, and then everything went insane.

I should also add that I was completely fine afterwards. Tiny tear, no stitches and wasn't very sore. I was up and about almost immediately.

I have two vaginal births, no pain relief.

Both of mine, the contractions were all in my back and hips and the pain was bearable except for the last 40 mins or so when it became more intense.

Both times the ring of fire feeling was fleeting. Maybe 10 seconds?

Obviously there is a big element of luck for childbirth and how it progresses but I wouldn’t hesitate to do it the way I did again.

Would also recommend hypnobirthing. It’s not magic or anything but it definitely made me feel calmer the second time round (in comparison with my first when I hadn’t done it).

Oh, and for my first I was in a midwife led unit. I was specifically told that if I wanted pain relief beyond g+a that they'd have to move me up to the ward. By the time I got there, there was nothing on this earth that would have got me to be moved. I almost killed the MW in my second birth for wanting to move me out of the bath and into the birthing room. I'm very much a 'leave me the fuck alone to get through this' person when in pain though.

2 babies, vaginal births one back to back. Yes it hurts but it's only for a short time in the grand scheme of things. If I were to do it again, I would just wait and see and a bit of gas and air would be great. Easy for me to say now I suppose but try not to worry. Even my back to back labour didn't put me off doing it again.

Is it true that you are more likely to tear if you have an epidural?

Also, if epidurals are so amazing, why doesn't everyone have them?

@Areyoufree, that's why I stressed usually. No two births are the same, but it's not typically 1-100 in terms of how the pain comes on.

Firstly, change your mindset! You sound terrified - the same as me before my first. I felt SO anxious through my pregnancy and all that anxiety was for nothing!

For me, contractions were like waves of pain but by NO means ‘excruciating’ - they were more like uncomfortable than painful and very, very manageable. I was induced for my first, and that’s meant to make contractions more painful, but it didn’t for me. In fact, with my first I thought the contractions were so mild that I thought my labour would go on for ages - ‘They’re really not painful so this must be the very beginning of labour’ kind of thing. So I though, I’ll get an epidural now as I think this is going to be a long labour! Within 1.5 hours of myself thinking this, my son was born! I did have the epidural with my first, and honestly I didn’t feel a THING. Apparently the birth was a bit difficult - I had forceps, that suction machine (always forget the name) and an episiotomy and stitches. All things I had been dreading and losing sleep over - honestly didn’t even know about it until afterwards as I didn’t feel anything! I thought the birth was a breeze and can honestly say I enjoyed the whole process.

Second baby I didn’t have time for an epidural because again, the contractions felt so mild and not at all horribly painful like I thought they should be! I planned to get an epidural but really thought I had much longer left. I also did some hypnobirthing - just using the apps - beforehand, and I can honestly say (cringe as this sounds) that using meditation and breathing techniques and visualization made the whole process incredible - I felt really calm and powerful and just like... connected to the world and life (cringe I know, I’m so sorry, I just can’t explain it any other way!). The pushing stage painful but it was quick. The worst thing for me was having to lie on my back - I have a bad back but wasn’t allowed to change position during the actual delivery and my back pain was the worst thing about it. The pushing stage without epidural I remember thinking ‘OMG this is horrible! I’m not doing this again!’ but that lasted about 5 minutes and then it was entirely forgotten when my baby arrived. I needed stitches as I had a tear but the tearing part didn’t hurt at all - I didn’t even notice and in don’t really understand the whole ‘ring of fire’ thing that people talk about as I just didn’t really feel that. So for the first birth I’d say I had no pain, just discomfort during contractions, and second birth 5 minutes of pain! 9 months of freaking out for nothing!

Having experienced both, with my next (if there is a next) I won’t have an epidural but I would LOVE a water birth - I kept thinking how all I wanted was to be in warm water from the beginning of the third trimester and throughout the birth all I wanted was to be in warm water! And not having to lie on my back would make the whole thing much easier and more comfortable.

I would advise you to read about positive birth experiences - LOADS of people have them, but for some reason you only ever hear the horror stories! And also look into hypnobirthing. Don’t be like me and let your imagination go wild with what the birth might be like ... knowing what it’s actually like has taken away all my fear and I feel like I’d have a much more enjoyable experience next time because I’d not worry at all. I would never choose to have a c-section. The woman who I shared a room with had an elective c-section and while I was up and about within hours, she was bed bound with a catheter and all sorts and her recovery took weeks. A c-section is major surgery and the recovery is often long and difficult - id never choose to go through that and don’t see how people can think it’s the easy option!

Good luck

I didn't have an epidural as I was doing fine without it. I didn't want the unnecessary risk of a procedure if it wasn't needed. For me that risk was worse than enduring the contractions.

I wasn’t allowed an epidural In either delivery due to labour progressing to fast. It hurt, but was over quickly and I managed with paracetamol only (it was that quick both times).

One labour had a pushing stage of 1 h 30 the other of 4 mins.

Is it true that you are more likely to tear if you have an epidural?

I was told that being able to feel the contraction and being able to push with it is less likely to cause problems in terms of tearing. However, it can happen regardless, its dependent on a few factors. I thought bigger babies meant far more chance of tearing, but my second was a 'big' baby and barely grazed me. First caused a small tear and a graze that made the 'ring of fire' seem like nothing. He has his father's big square head .

B. Vaginal birth with no epidural - that's what I am hoping for in a few months time but a low-lying placenta is standing in my way at the moment. I've done it twice before and it was okay, hurt like a mo'fo of course but the pain doesn't last forever. I don't like the idea of an epidural so will avoid at all costs.

I've given birth once with no pain relief, and I am due my 2nd and I will again be having a natural birth with no pain relief.

The contractions are agonising and can start well before you can go to hospital so make sure you have somewhere quiet at home you can retreat to (I was infuriated if my poor mum said one word to me during a contraction!).

The hardest part for me during the birth was trying to get his head out, it suddenly felt like a certain very sensitive part of me down there was going to tear! So I hesitated and didn't give it my all at that point and so it took longer than it could have. My worst fear didn't happen after all, so just push as much as your body is telling you.

Congrats! :)

I also agree with the Hypnobirthing / Hypnobabies suggestions. Although I couldn't stand to listen to the tracks during labour, it really helped me prepare for the actual labour. In particular, one thing the tracks stressed (I used hypnobabies) was about not being afraid of the power of labour. That was actually really helpful, as it could have otherwise been quite overwhelming. Having your entire body trying to do something - seemingly completely out of your control - is rather a disconcerting feeling!

If you're scared (and even if you weren't) I would highly recommend hypnobirthing. It helped me cope with the contractions and plan some things in advance to help (tens machine, breathing, positioning, partner massage, pool). I've had two labours and vaginal births and it did get challenging to cope with the contractions towards the end. I had gas and air with my first but didn't want/need it for my second thanks to the Hypno. The thing to bear in mind with contractions is they aren't constant. For me they were more intense at the start so once they started to subside I'd focus on the fact it was getting easier. The ring of fire is painful but I was focusing more on the sensation of the baby moving down then the pain, if that makes sense. You're so nearly there at that point. I had a homebirth second time round and would do similar for a third. There are lots of hypnobirthing schools to choose from, I'd recommend the calm birth school which I used for my second, I found Marie Mongan too idealistic and came away from my first birth feeling like I'd done it wrong. I'd also really recommend looking into local/online birth groups for access to evidence based support and info on your rights in birth. Aims website is a good place to start.