AIBU to ask some birth story questions?

[SmoothOrange]

I am currently just over 3 months pregnant with my first baby, and to be honest I am stating to shit myself!

I know it is going to hurt, like really really hurt but I was wondering if someone could give me a bit more info on this.

So the labour pains are the contractions right? Excruciating stomach pains?

What I wanted to know is, when you are pushing and experiencing that "ring of fire", how long does this go on for? surely once baby has crowned it doesn't take that long to push it out?

Argh! I am so scared about the pain, and something going wrong.

If you discovered you were pregnant again, what would you choose (if you could choose)

A: Vaginal birth with epidural
B: Vaginal birth with no epidural
C: C section
D: I would never go through that pain ever again!

I just want to be fully prepared for what will happen because at the moment none of it seems real!

Whilst I don't particularly want to hear horrendous horror stories, feel free to share your experiences :)

Also, do pelvic floor exercises make the birth go easier?

Hi Op. I had an on paper straight forward first birth - spontaneous vaginal, baby in perfect position, used gas and air, pushed her out myself. I had a third degree tear and did at one point request that my DH hit me over the head with something to knock me out, so yes it is intense and painful. But I am choosing (if all goes well!) the same type of birth again this time round (10 weeks preg with second baby.)

It wasn’t so much the ring of fire that surprised and horrified me it was the errrm, front end stretching (specifically clitoris. Wasn’t ready for that stretching feeling there!!!). Contractions more overwhelm you in the end, kind of a “Don’t kno where to put yourself” feeling .

Good luck op

I have had four dc. All vaginal births.
One with epidural.
Two home births with gas and air.
One hospital birth with nothing.

If I had another dc I would want a home birthday and I would want just gas and air available if I needed it.

I’m not going to lie to you, the pain was beyond anything I’d ever imagined. Downward pressure mainly for me, no back pain. It’s more internal pain and pressure but fucking hurts. I actually wished for death.

But the thing is that you get through it.

What I would do differently if I had my time again is not ask for my waters to be broken to speed things up. My last child they didn’t break until I was pushing and until that point the pain was manageable. In that labour the ‘oh God I want to die’ was only about ten minutes.

I didn’t feel the ring of fire except in the epidural birth. With the others the contractions were so overwhelming that I didn’t feel anything else.

People dont take the epidural because they want to see if they can do without, my first i had the epidural because it was a 20 hour labour, I had no choice, I was so tired and in so much pain and I was only 18. Second child i was 32 and was just gas and air, by the time I asked for the epidural it was too late, I only laboured for 3 hours. Contractions were all in my back, bum and the bottom of my stomach, it is excruciating but you do it. The ring of fire was maybe 10 minutes I think, you feel like you are pushing out a poo, probably do most of the time. Honestly it hurts like nothing I've ever felt before but you do it, gas and air helps take the edge off a little. If you want the pain relief take it and take it early. Once your baby is here the pain is gone. Both my kids were back to back so probably a little more painful than the standard position but it's fine and I'd do it again.

Oh also re epidural. I can't speak for anyone else but the reason I choose not to have one is I want to be able to move around in labour and birth, get up, get on my knees, whatever my body is telling me to do. It actually scares me a bit thinking about what it must be like to be unable to do so at such a crucial time when your body needs to be in full control. I think epidural can also prevent some women from feeling the urge to push.

A dr once said to the me the nhs is obsessed with making the medical side of giving birth non medical for cost saving purposes! They dont want to pay for an anesthetist. In the US everyone gets an epidural pretty much

My story of failed induction is unhelpful but I have MANY friends who had complication-free births and managed fine without epidural.

Everyone I knew who used water for pain relief said it made a massive difference.

Do some good antenatal classes that will prepare you properly. I did some and they were invaluable and allowed me to feel in control of decisions when my induction failed.

I had two babies without pain relief, but the experience was pretty different each time. With DC1, the labour pains were similar to very bad period pains. I got tired and lay on my back for one contraction, and that was absolute agony, so position really does make a difference. I found the pushing a lot harder, as it didn't happen automatically, and it was very uncomfortable pushing DC's head past my spine.

With DC2, the labour was very quick and intense. It was around 2 hours, from regular contractions to holding a baby. That time it hurt a lot, BUT my body seemed to produce some amazing natural high, so I was sort of award of the pain, but I was too blissed out to care. I remember wondering at the time if that was what it felt like to take heroin. I had around a minute of crowning, and that did hurt, but I was I water which really helped. I spent the next year kind of desperate to give birth again, because that natural high was so good.i still get a bit giddy when I think about it.

Someone told me before I gave birth that contractions only last about a minute and in that time they increase and decrease in intensity so you are actually only at the most painful bit of a contraction for a few seconds before it starts easing off if that makes sense. When I was in labour I focused on that. Getting to the height of the contraction and then kind of enjoying the relief as it wore off. Made it much more bearable for me. I also had a double contraction where the first one hadn't worn off before the next one came but the relief when it was over felt almost euphoric. Add that to a massive gulp of gas and air and it was actually quite a nice feeling.

And then the actual birthing bit was more painful but again, at that point it's a means to and end and nearly over. I pushed my baby out in just over 10 minutes because I just wanted it done. Never put so much effort into anything in my life.

DS was back to back so all my labour pain was in my back. I was induced too which apparently makes the pain worse. Epidural was the absolute tits, I would highly recommend it. Having said that I ended up with an emergency c section and so would go with an elective section for my next birth. Do try not to worry though, birth is such a tiny tiny part in pregnancy and child rearing and it's so worth it

I have had two very positive, easy births. Vaginal births, no epidural. Second one was at home (planned) and quick. I would recommend hypnobirthing (find a good course which states that you can use the techniques for ALL KINDS of births including instrumental and caesarean births). Perineal massage. Listen to positive birth stories - tellmeagoodbirthstory.com - And go to a Positive Birth Movement group near you.

Once baby has crowned it doesn't take long, no. But do listen to your midwives at that point - slow birth of the head can help prevent tearing, as can being in a position that feels right for you. If you need to be on your back, personally I would ask for them to apply a warm compress onto your perineum.

Pelvic floor exercises in pregnancy are a good idea to keep your pelvic floor strong, it is not for the birth really it's because pregnancy puts a strain on them and later in life you may find them weakening. Do them during pregnancy and postnatally to reduce this.

My own personal experience was that contractions hurt, but they only last a minute. I counted slowly in my head and knew I could do it for that length of time. Between contractions, I felt no pain.

Good luck

I had a water birth, only a bit of gas and air for the last couple of hours. Spent most of it at home.

I found the contractions awful towards the end but honestly didn't feel any ring of fire. The baby coming out bit was honestly ok it was just the contractions I found hard to deal with. I really believe being in the water had a lot to do with it but of course everyone is different.

If you are scared type 'positive birth company' into YouTube and try to watch some reassuring videos on things like breathing techniques. Good luck

This is all very eye opening and helpful. I actually 100% am planning on hypnobirthing because I suffer with general anxiety so just need to find somewhere now. Someone mentioned an app so perhaps I will go down that route instead of paying for a course.

I don't know why but I just get the feeling my birth will not be straight forward. I am older (37 - 38 when in labour) so worry this will cause problems.

I will try to calm down!

2 DC both vaginal. Both labours about 12 hours from first twinge to birth. 2nd stage no longer than half an hour for each. No cuts/tears at all. Gas & air.

I didn't find the pain that bad at all tbh - similar to very bad period pains/cramps. I pushed about twice very gently with first DC and didn't push at all with second. The crowning etc stung a little bit with first but felt pretty much nothing with second.

However, I think I can safely say I am one of the lucky ones who sailed through labour and birth with no interventions, no great discomfort and no stitches.

But it CAN be like that - don't automatically assume it is going to be agonising - everyone is different! People have different threshholds, some women have incredibly straightforward deliveries.

BTW I was mid-30s when I had my first - if you're fit and healthy I don't think being an "older" mother has much bearing.

Broomstick I also got that euphoria with my second (also quick, under 2 hours). It was AMAZING. I too would do it again just for that - I just don't want more kids to bring up

"Also, if epidurals are so amazing, why doesn't everyone have them?"

Epidurals are great but - like with everything in life - they come with risks e.g potential to slow labour down and lasting back problems.

I think what I was worried about most when I had my first DC was not knowing what giving birth was really going to be like. I felt like the whole process was going to leave me out of control as I didn't know exactly how my body was going to respond or how long it was going to take. With hindsight I would have prepared myself better to trust myself to get through it and realise that my body is preprogrammed to deal with it. It is completely true that once it's over the pain virtually turns off like a switch and you forget how you felt fairly quickly. Focus on the outcome rather than the process - you'll have a gorgeous newborn baby at the end of it. Good luck!

Check out this online course if you don't want to go to a group - Megan is amazing and it covers antenatal education too birth-ed.co.uk/birth-ed-online-hypnobirthing-course

B 4 times...

I was lucky, all under 3 hours and pain was get-through-able. But I went in to it all with a positive mindset and worked hard at maintaining that.

I used the Positive Birth Company ahead of my most recent birth, and it totally changed my perspective. I actually felt excited about giving birth, rather than fearful. My first birth was with twins and I was induced, on all the drugs, and I felt really out of control and panicked, mostly because of the element of the unknown. With my third baby, I listened to my hypnobirthing affirmations in a candle-lit bathroom, sitting in the tub, doing my breathing and squeezing water over myself with a sponge. The feeling was intense, but manageable.

I’ll be honest that, during transition, I wanted to somehow escape my body, but that didn’t last long, and next thing I knew her head popped out. We never made it to hospital, and my husband caught her, but we were both fine and I consider it probably the most powerful, empowering experience of my lifetime. I absolutely could not have done it without the confidence of hypnobirthing and the knowledge of what I was going through.

I think, keep your options open. If you want an epidural on the day, go for it, but I found the epidural frustrating with my twins because I wanted to be up and moving around and they wouldn’t let me. You might feel that you’re coping fine without it. As much as you can, though, seek out lots of positive birth stories. There are lots of people who will want to say how terrible it is, and I’ll be honest that it’s no picnic, but I would absolutely do it again (if my husband hadn’t had the snip, because we are D.O.N.E. with babies). A positive mindset may not change your experience, but it’s likely to change the way you feel about it afterwards, if that makes sense. I think a positive birth story isn’t one where it’s all perfect and ideal, but one where the mother feels in control and listened to, and understands why certain decisions need to be made, even if they aren’t ideal.

You need to read some positive birth stories and stop watching teen mom.
Your body is designed to give birth, it's a wonderful experience.

Epidural - and ask straightaway as can take hours to find the anaesthetist. Cut not tear. Don’t get induced unless no other possible choice, the labour pains come fast & are excruciating. It’s all worth it, but no I wouldn’t do it again. So I vote D.

2 babies here, both vaginal births without epidural. Both labours around 4 hours. Used tens machine and gas and air. Would have liked a water birth in my ideal scenario.

Yes it was painful - I'd describe as started like period pain then became like the worse trapped wind you've ever had. I never felt out of control and like I couldn't handle it though. I believed in my body and used the gas and air to take the edge of contraction. Can't remember much of the births to be honest. First one felt quick, second one slower, more control and a generally happy feeling.

I was open minded to the fact I may want different options for pain relief and need a c section.

Didn't want an epidural as I've seen them go wrong, I wanted to move around and actually didn't feel at any point like I needed anything extra than the gas and air.

I would consider supporting if you are worried people also love to tell you awful birth stories ( I'm not sure why) so you may get a biased view. Good luck!

Hypnobirthing is a crock. It only works for those who don't have stonking labours.

My contractions took an hour to go from "oh hello!" to no break inbetween them at all and one long giant contraction for the remaining 11hrs. Hypnobirthing did not, and was not going to help that.

Imagine the worst period pains ever. Then x it by a few hundred. That's labour.

Yes @HB2019 but also poorly designed to give birth. Have you seen our pelvis and hips? What a patronising and dismissive comment.