AIBU to ask some birth story questions?

[SmoothOrange]

I am currently just over 3 months pregnant with my first baby, and to be honest I am stating to shit myself!

I know it is going to hurt, like really really hurt but I was wondering if someone could give me a bit more info on this.

So the labour pains are the contractions right? Excruciating stomach pains?

What I wanted to know is, when you are pushing and experiencing that "ring of fire", how long does this go on for? surely once baby has crowned it doesn't take that long to push it out?

Argh! I am so scared about the pain, and something going wrong.

If you discovered you were pregnant again, what would you choose (if you could choose)

A: Vaginal birth with epidural
B: Vaginal birth with no epidural
C: C section
D: I would never go through that pain ever again!

I just want to be fully prepared for what will happen because at the moment none of it seems real!

Whilst I don't particularly want to hear horrendous horror stories, feel free to share your experiences :)

Also, do pelvic floor exercises make the birth go easier?

B - cervix opening was painful (which I guess started to happen from the off) but it’s sporadic pain not constant. Like bad period cramps but it comes and goes so it’s not like your in continuous pain. Not being able to sleep or eat much was what I found hard!
I never really had a burning feeling like some others describe, suppose it’s different for everyone...
After fully dilated it was more of a surge feeling than painful. Just an overwhelming feeling that you need to push.
Had tens machine throughout - can highly recommend it really took edge off.
Go to some birthing classes they helped me stay calm google ‘daisy birthing’ great supportive antenatal.
I didn’t even consider epidural in part because I would have to be in unbearable pain (or having a c section 😂) to have a needle in my spine, but that’s just me! If this was the case, which I understand it is for some, I probably would have had it.

Just to add too RE vaginal examinations, it’s your CHOICE. You don’t have to have them.
I had one just before contractions really got going. It was very quick and painless - over in seconds, all they are doing is checking if your cervix is open enough for baby to come out. This is helpful information to have! As you know whether your at a stage where you need to push or not, if u get my drift

If you have this done too early tho I am imagine it might be a bit more uncomfortable, so my advice is wait until a point when you feel the examination would be useful for you. You don’t have to keep having them I only had one which revealed I was fully dilated x

Once I got on that gas and air I thought I was down the pub. Absolutely bloody smashed. I was induced so it was intense and I didn't enjoy the lead up but once I was taken down to the labour suite and put in on that lovely gas and air I was fine. It felt more of a dragging sensation down my bum. Didn't feel the ring of fire pain at all but then she was forcepped out as she had cord round her neck. Do hypnobirthing OP, made me feel really relaxed about going into labour and then I suppose it helped me with my first few hours contracting.

Hi, I had a vaginal birth, I gave birth at a birth centre so epidural wasnt an option and the only pain relief I had was gas and air and the tens machine. I was only in labour for about 8 hours but after 2 I was already thinking I couldn't handle the pain! That's when I got the tens machine on which seemed to help for a while, by the time it wasn't helping my contractions were so close together I couldn't think about pain relief, I kinda got 'in the zone' so to speak! I didn't know the ring of fire was a thing until I read about it after. For me the contractions were worse than pushing, when you're pushing you know it's nearly over and you're about to meet your baby. I did an online hypnobirthing course which I found so helpful, it explains how the uterus is a muscle and what you need to do to make it work more effectively and gives you breathing techniques to keep you calm. I really focused on the breathing and on baby to keep me calm and it seemed to work. Nothing can prepare you for it, you can't comprehend the pain I don't think until you've done it but rest assured, you can do it! One thing I found reassuring was to remember that it's your body creating that pain and your body is not going to create something it can't cope with. Everyone's birth story is different and it's painful and hard work which ever way you go. But afterwards I just felt an enormous sense of pride really that I'd done it and my baby boy is ten weeks old now and it's a distant memory, I want another already! I think you'd really benefit from hypnobirthing, good luck! x

The hypnobirthing course I did was the positive birth company btw and I've just seen your post about your age...my SIL gave birth two weeks ago, she's 42, and she went to the hospital after her waters broke thinking they'd be sending her home to wait for contractions and she was already 7 cm! She hadn't felt a thing! So don't worry about that!

As already pointed out it is different for everyone. I had quick births, minimal pain and no stitches for both of mine (both big babies and I am 5’4” and size 10) but my sister had ventouse and a shit ton of problems. She was much older though, maybe it is that?

B: Vaginal birth with no epidural

Both of mine popped right out in a few hours with no drama. Easy peasy. It isn't always horrible so just try and relax and go with the flow.

I was terrified of giving birth. I imagined it to be the worst pain in the world ever to prepare myself and therefore it wasn’t as bad as I’d imagined. For me, labour pains were like really bad period pains and the pains you get when you need a poo. At the first birth as I didn’t now what to expect the head crowning wasn’t so bad. The 2nd baby head crowning hurt a lot but not for long. I was more worried I was going to embarrass myself by screaming - I didn’t thankfully. If you massage your perrenium with vitamin E oil inside and out it has been proven to soften it so it stretches easily and is less painful

I have had 3 children and 3 different births. The first was fairly long but straightforward and I had an epidural. The second was fast, not very painful, no epidural. The third was very painful and difficult. No epidural. If I was to have another I still wouldn't choose an epidural. For me the ring of fire lasted seconds. The contractions were different with every baby. It's a tight, squeezing, aching pain for me but with my second I felt it down my thighs too.

I’m late 30’s and I’ve had two natural births - both with different issues but both induced for diff reasons. I only had gas and air with both.

Contractions build in waves and are totally manageable. Mine were like bad back ache. I agree with pp saying i think it’s the time you’re in labour - both of mine were quick (4 hours start to finish) and I think if it had gone on for days I might have different views.

First - back to back and due to her heart rate dropping I had to stay on my back which was uncomfortable as she put pressure on my spine. No ring of fire. Worst bit was my sweep (over quickly though) and the stitching with local anaesthetic for minor tear.

Second - my second allowed me to walk around which helps loads. Ring of fire was over with in minutes - I know a MW who says that’s the sign it’s nearly over, so in a weird way I was pleased when I felt it, although it does burn.
She was 10 lbs plus, so I did tear (a 3rd degree but only just if that makes sense - so more a bad 2nd degree). I had to have an epidural after to have that stitched.

I hated the epidural. It meant I had to stay in hospital and be catheterised. Injection in your spine (🤢). Can’t move / walk, and had to buzz for someone to pass me the baby every time I wanted to pick her up or put her down. Horribly numb tingling when it wears off which stopped me sleeping. Just hated it.

I think in terms of having one in labour, there are many drawbacks. I’ve heard that as you don’t feel anything, you don’t have as much control in terms of pushing etc... which is why you might tear (although I did without one). I was surprised my body seemed to know what it was doing and just did things .

Try to be positive and relaxed. Things change so try to go with the flow where possible, although give different options a thought first. Remember you can do it (one way or another).

Oh, and I’d have VB again every time , without epidural if possible. I would have done whatever was medically necessary though, but I really didn’t want forceps or a section if it could be avoided (luckily it was).

I don’t think reading about other people’s birth stories is particularly helpful when you’re pregnant with your first. Every birth is different and knowing what happened to other people won’t inform what happens to you. All you will achieve is more worry because you will now have a very long list of things that will potentially hurt.

Speak to your midwife to find out where you can do a pain relief options class. Hospitals usually run them, so does NCT. Knowing your options is the best thing you can do (and having a birth partner who understands).

Don’t fall for the “natural is best” bullshit. There is no other experience you would be expected to just put up with without pain relief. Epidurals are amazing. C-sections would probably be the norm if men gave birth rather than women. The reason these things aren’t more common is because they’re expensive.

Don’t put up with pain because it’s “natural”.

B I've done two now without epidural both labouring in the water bit getting out to push. The second one was out in 2 pushes and that time I really felt the ring of fire. It was really fine though. The first I wa sin labour for around 13-14 hours I'd say 8 where the pain was tough. The second I was in induced at 6am and she was born at 2.30pm only about 4 hours of serious pain.

Ok so i was induced. Once they broke my waters at 3cm all hell broke loose and she was born within 2 hours.
My contractions felt like there was no breaks inbetween at all and the pain was all round my back and stomach, nothing can prepare you for this level of pain.
I only had time for gas and air which did nothing except make me sick and feel faint.i didn't feel any ring of fire but I had an episiotomy and that was painful as they didn't wait for the local to work they just snipped away.
My placenta wouldn't come out so i had a spinal block in theatre and had it dug out. Once the spinal was in it was such a relief Id defo request an early epidural next time.
HOWEVER it was all super quick and I healed amazingly. My uterus contracted back straight away and my stitches healed well too.

C-sections would probably be the norm if men gave birth rather than women. The reason these things aren’t more common is because they’re expensive.

If you mean because men wouldn't like to put their bodies at risk or cannot endure pain, then by your logic we simply would wrop reproducing.

ELCSs are not free of risk, damage or pain. Quite the opposite. I have had both a VB, with instrumental delivery and a lovely, calm ELCS and was left in a worse way after the lovely calm ELCS. Some of it is seemingly permanent. Not serious complications, but a weak core and pot belly. Neither of which I had after my VB.

If men had babies it would be ELCSs you say. I think if MNetters ruled the world it would be too. Even people who have experience of only ELCS or who have never given birth regularly assert with confidence that ELCSs are universally the best option by far, when I know that to be untrue from experience.

Stop reproducing I mean. Because ELCSs are far from risk free. Anyone who promises you a guaranteed easy from start to finish, risk free birth is selling snake oil.

OP - your mental state will have an impact on how you perceive/ cope with physical pain, so my advice is to try to do as much as you can to reduce your anxiety beforehand.

I’m not saying that lightly because i too was pretty scared before having my first baby. I did NCT classes and found the breathing and relaxation techniques incredibly helpful. I also booked into a midwife unit because for me, being in a non medicalised environment with midwives I’d got to know over antenatal appointments was a higher priority than eg: having an epidural to block the pain but having to be in hospital and constantly monitored.

For me, crowning was by far the worst part. Not going to lie, it was like having a blow torch directed at my vagina! But it doesn’t last long.

My main advice is to accept that yes it’s most likely to be The most painful thing you’ve ever experienced BUT that it’s also a very different experience to eg: having an accident or an operation or hurting yourself in some way (when you would be concerned with just getting pain relief) I’ve also known people who are adamant they want an epidural from the get go and don’t want to experience pain when they don’t need to and that fine too- we’re not all the same. But as you’re asking for experiences my best advice is to focus on how you can mentally feel the most comfortable and in control as you can. My first birth was by far the most painful but interestingly I found it a more positive experience than my second (which I had to have in hospital for medical reasons) and I’m convinced that was because I felt more in control and supported in the midwife unit. It proved to me that a ‘good’ birth experience isn’t necessarily synonymous with a pain free birth. I felt pain like I never knew existed but I still came out of that first birth feeling well supported and very glad to have done it on gas and air

It’s such an individual experience and reliant on such a range of factors.
I’ve had three babies.
1st - laboured for 8 hours before epidural in agony, all in my back and vomiting constantly. Was wiped out by then and epidural a relief but also then dragged labour on another 12 hours and ended in a near c section but ultimately forceps with a huge episiotomy. If I had my time again, I’d not do the epidural. However, hindsight is a wonderful thing and I felt like I was dying at the time and was exhausted.
2nd baby - literally fell out, 30 mins of vomiting and back pain then went for a poo and a baby came out instead. At home, by mistake.
3rd baby - induced by a sweep a week early, 4 hour labour in the birthing pool which was amazing. No pain relief - tho only as gas and air makes me sick. Pushing is a blessed relief at the end even though it hurts as you know it’s productive.
If you can, I’d avoid an epidural and keep upright. From experience, that’s been my most successful approach! I blame my epidural for the way the baby had to come out which was awful and a hard healing experience.
Whatever happens - you’ll be surprised how happy you are when it starts and how when you look back it wasn’t so bad. Honest.

Firstly, try not to worry too much, and also don’t read people’s horror stories! Every birth is different, and one woman’s experience may bear absolutely no similarity to your own.

For me:
Baby 1: induction, epidural so didn’t feel the contractions much - they were like fairly bad period pains but then I had an epidural so felt nothing from 4cm onwards.
Baby 2: spontaneous birth. I found the contractions quite painful as I dilated very quickly, but once I had gas and air they were manageable. I was petrified of the crowning stage but I didn’t feel it at all - for me the pain of dilation was the tough bit.
I’m currently pregnant with Baby 3 so it can’t have been that bad! I’m hoping for a vaginal birth without epidural again.

Honestly it is very surreal and there is no way you can imagine what labour will be like until you go through it. Most like really bad period pain but mine was mostly in my back.

I have done vaginal birth with and without epidural. The epidural was fantastic and the birth was comfortable, calm and civilised.

My last birth was too fast and I didn't have time for one. I was hysterical with the pain. It was like being crushed in a vice from the inside out. I behaved like a wild animal. The pain hugely panicked me which made it worse (I've always been a big baby, lol!) The only good thing was that it was quick . My daughter was actually born in the waiting/assessment area. The actual crowning/pushing was not so bad because I knew it was nearly over by then.

I had the same tear/stitches each time, and recovered well both times. No discernable difference.

If I was going to have another baby (I'm not) I'd definitely try and have an epidural again.

Contractions for me felt like period pain turned up to 100. But I get period pain in my back, down my thighs and in my bum too.

I had an induction and an epidural which while yes it hurt, it wasn't that bad in the moment. They turned my epi off for crowning but that didn't take long and was a huge relief when it was over. If you've ever been constipated and had a really big sore poo the feeling is actually surprisingly similar. Very painful while pushing it out but feels much better after.

I did tear a bit but they whacked my epidural right back up to do the stitches and put some local in too, plus some sort of painkilling suppository, none of which I felt. They use dissolvable stitches so as long you keep an eye out for infection you don't need to worry about them getting taken out. Feels much better once they dissolve too.

If I had to do it again I'd like to avoid being induced but I certainly wouldn't be opposed to having an epidural again it really made a world of difference and I wasn't too exhausted to push when the time came (even managed to have a light nap).

The one thing I would say though is pack plenty of painkillers in your hospital bag, paracetamol and ibuprofen and take them both regularly, because the postnatal wards do not seem to take pain management seriously at all.

Do not let students cannulate you. I did and ended up with a bruise from my elbow to my armpit and couldn't actually comfortably hold my baby for days because my arm was so sore.

I was absolutely petrified of giving birth, would be regularly in tears over it when I was pregnant. I do only still have the one (and will likely remain that way, he's 6 now and certainly don't plan on having any more) but that is honesty more down to how dreadful I felt in pregnancy.

Labour only lasted just over a day (26 hours), I felt like I was pregnant for an eternity

Good luck op, I hope you get the birth you want, and if it's really troubling you have a chat with your midwife, they can help

I'd choose B. I've had 2 babies. First one was more painful, crowing lasted longer (think I was pushing for 1.5 hours or something!) second pushing stage was about 10 mins, she was out in 2 big pushes. Honestly? Yes it hurts a lot but we are strong and we wouldn't do it again if it was so awful. I look back on my birth with my second now and feel that euphoria over the pain, that's the only thing that lingers. You will be fine!x

Caveat, as from others, that it's different for everyone.

DD1, went into birthing unit at 5cm. I was quite sick, so declined gas and air. DD born 8 hours later, after two hours of pushing. I felt fine throughout really. It felt like a positive pain, if that makes sense, I had a very strong sense that I could do it and I was involved in something productive, rather than the pain being something that was happening to me. It never felt unbearable or out of control and I was resistant to any attempts to speed things up because I always felt like I could do it.

(Incidentally, I wouldn't have expected to feel like that at all. I didn't want an epidural, because I'm not at all keen on needles, but I was open to other pain relief and not particularly set on not having any.)

Next birth (twins) was a planned section. Given the choice, I'd choose my first birth every time, but the section was fine, uncomfortable rather than painful, and I recovered pretty quickly.

I hope things go well for you.

I have given birth twice and am currently pregnant with my third.

First labour started naturally, I laboured at home for 4 hours then went to hospital. The first 4 hours just felt like intense stomach cramps that came in waves. I was then in hospital for the final 3 hours. The cramping feelings got more intense and more frequent and towards the transitioning it did feel like my pelvis was separating or breaking apart. It was intense but not unmanageable. I was in the bath and I think that really soothed the pain. I had gas and air but nothing else. That didn't remove all pain but took the sharpness of the pain away if that makes sense. My waters broke just before I transitioned. I hopped out of the bath for pushing. I remember being surprised that the head felt like it would start to poke out then pop back in. At the time I found that psychologically tough as I thought my work pushing was coming undone. But the midwives explained that it was the bodies way of stretching the vaginal opening so it wouldn't tear. Getting the head out stung, but once that was out, the rest of her felt like it slid out like a wet slimy bumpy rope. So quickly and easily. Amazing. The minute it was over, my pain was over. A bit tender for a few days afterwards but was lucky to have a great recovery. I put a lot of this down to the midwives allowing my body to do its thing, rather than pressuring me to push etc.

My second labour was amazing. I didn't actually realise it was labour at first. Was at a friends house party and had to ask her for a cushion because sitting was too uncomfortable. Felt a lot of pressure and heaviness but not cramping. By the time I realised it was serious and I should get to hospital, I was 9 cm dilated. Labour started slowing down a bit because my waters weren't breaking, so I agreed to let a doctor rupture them manually. Had the most intense surge of a contraction immediately after that, but then it was only 25 minutes until she was out. I remember the midwife trying to get me to slow the pushing down because she was worried about me tearing (baby had her hand on her face) but at that stage my body had taken over and it felt like she just spurred out in a rush.

I know I was incredibly lucky and it doesn't go this smoothly for a lot of people, but I always try to share my stories because I think people so often get told the horror stories. It is the worst pain I have ever been in, but it was manageable and so so worth it. It can be an empowering experience and although there is a lot we can't control, going in with a positive frame of mind and a belief in our bodies can help. Not in every scenario obviously, but if you can stay calm, it will help you manage the pain, help you keep your heart rate down and help you make rational decisions throughout the process.

It will vary between each person.

For me the contractions were all in my stomach and the pain was horrific but i got to the hospital fully dialated, and only had a bit of gas and air for the pushing part. The ‘ring of fire’ was painful but for me no as bad as the final hour of contractions and the pushing part wasn’t painful as such jusy intense pressure!

Overall I would say it was painful as fuck but at the same time I expected it to be much much worse from reading and hearing stories.