AIBU to ask some birth story questions?

[SmoothOrange]

I am currently just over 3 months pregnant with my first baby, and to be honest I am stating to shit myself!

I know it is going to hurt, like really really hurt but I was wondering if someone could give me a bit more info on this.

So the labour pains are the contractions right? Excruciating stomach pains?

What I wanted to know is, when you are pushing and experiencing that "ring of fire", how long does this go on for? surely once baby has crowned it doesn't take that long to push it out?

Argh! I am so scared about the pain, and something going wrong.

If you discovered you were pregnant again, what would you choose (if you could choose)

A: Vaginal birth with epidural
B: Vaginal birth with no epidural
C: C section
D: I would never go through that pain ever again!

I just want to be fully prepared for what will happen because at the moment none of it seems real!

Whilst I don't particularly want to hear horrendous horror stories, feel free to share your experiences :)

Also, do pelvic floor exercises make the birth go easier?

I fully intended on giving birth without any intervention but didn't work out that way. I was getting contractions for 24 hours and was still only at 4cm even after they broke my waters. Baby needed to be monitored and I needed to stay sitting in the bed while getting syntocin. I was feeling quite distressed and kept getting sick. I thought feck that I am not going through all of this without any pain relief and asked for an epidural. Took another 12 hours of syntocin to go from 4-10cms so very glad I got the epidural as I can't imagine I would have managed it very well. Needed a forceps and episiotomy in the end. Baby was pretty big - 4.2kgs (9lbs 3oz) - so had great difficulty pushing him out while lying on my back.

For me the recovery took a while. The stitches healed very well but my pelvis was so painful for about 5 months and needed to go to an osteopath and physio. I blame this entirely in having to give birth on my back with my legs in stirrups.

If I ever get pregnant again, I'm going to aim for a natural birth again. I'm certainly open to an epidural and I needed it in my circumstances but I don't think I'll allow them to break my waters next time so that I don't get transferred to the labour ward and try to remain in the birth centre.

Had both dds with gas and air. Labour was painful with my first (back to back) but totally tolerable with my second. I live with chronic pain anyway though, so I'm quite good at toughing it out.

I don't remember a ring of fire with dd, I was surprised when they handed her to me. With dd2 I remember the feeling of her moving down the birth canal (I didn't have to push, she made her own way out) being incredibly intense, like my whole body could burst open, but no crowning pain at all. But my babies were smallish, which I suppose helps.

C) C Section. I had an ELCS with my first (very stuck footling breech and facing the wrong way) and I bloody loved it.

It was so easy and calm, and the recovery was uncomfortable and achey, but not actually painful. I was up and walking within 24 hours and happily feeding him and snuggling him right after the section. The worst part was having the cannula put in and taken out. 100% would c-section again, no way I'd ever attempt a VBAC.

I've had an induction with ventouse delivery and a c section. I'd take the c section with the recovery of the ventouse birth please .

Induction was fine, but long and a bit painful at points. My baby was in a right awkward position and I now think I should've waited and not been induced and let nature take its course. Recovery was a breeze. I didn't even need paracetamol, only a couple of stitches, very minor tear. Had sex very happily not long after.

Dc2 ELCS was a breeze for the actual procedure as I did nothing at all; it was all down to the HCPs. Got to listen to a CD I'd brought. I was able to kick back and really enjoyed meeting DC2. But recovery sucked. Being stuck, unable to practice latching my baby on etc was so hard. I got up and about really quickly with no problems and as c section recoveries go, mine was good, but I didn't like it. I also now have a total mum tum which is very hard to shift. Also, I found sex very very uncomfortable after my cs. Way worse than the VB. I have no idea why, but I remember my surgeon having some trouble getting dc2 out and she was asking for forceps but didn't actually use them in the end, (yes, forceps are used in sections too)! I assume the discomfort came from the pushing and shoving needed to get dc2 out. It didn't hurt at all at the time. It was totally easy, but afterwards it hurt.

So I personally would not choose a c section if I had the choice.

I'd go VB. Epidural meh, much of a muchness. I'd take it if I needed it.

One more thing I would 100% do again is what I did with dc1 VB; use an Epino. I swear to god this thing saved my bits from any noticable damage. Maybe I would have been fine either way, but I would definitely use this thing again, in case it was this which made the difference.

Do yourself a favour and go for an elective if you can. People make out that the recovery is horrendous but after the first week you only get better. Absolutely everyone I know who had a VD has horrific stories to tell, not to mention the post birth issues of tearing, prolapse , incontinence, etc.
A CS does come with risks but it's very controlled, 30 mins baby is in your arms and it's a calm experience.

@OneDay10

Have you had both a VB and an ELCS?

oneday it's bad "everybody" you know who had a VB had such an awful experience....and prolapse and incontinence and tears....the poor women.
I had none of that via 3 straightforward vaginal births and was up and walking around within an hour, even half an hour. I'd take that over a week long recovery any day of the week.

I really recommend the Positive Birth company digital pack and following them on Facebook for positive birth stories.

I had a vaginal birth - first baby and spontaneous delivery. With the hypnobirthing techniques I was 6cm when I got to hospital, too late for pain relief apart from gas and air and birth pool.

Yes it hurt, yes it was intense, but I would do it again tomorrow - it was nowhere near as bad as I expected! I tore a bit but healed within a week (second degree and had quite a few stitches). I had only heard negative birth stories but I honestly had a wonderful birth and felt so supported by the midwives.

And yes I was walking around/eating normally etc within about three hours of delivery. Stitches stung a bit but kept on top of pain relief and it was manageable

I wanted an epidural but didn’t get time for one, labour progressed too quickly.
As it went I managed fine without it, but if I had another baby I’d see how it goes and have one if required.

I would 100% recommend hypnobirthing. I was terrified of everything labour (particularly tearing) and felt sick at the thought of it. Hypnobirthing REALLY helped, and in the end I was actually excited about labour and birth.

I didn’t have a straightforward birth (long back to back labour, ended in emergency c section, group b strep) however it all still feels like a really positive experience. Thanks to hypnobirthing I felt really calm, and in control (as much as you can be in labour!)

Due to the type of incision I had with the section, I can’t try for a vaginal birth in future - but I’m more than happy with that. Despite the section being difficult and an emergency, I still feel like my recovery was pretty straightforward and I have no complications from it.

The thought of heading into theatre after a decent nights sleep for a planned, calm section sounds fantastic to me!

I always say, I would gladly give birth again tomorrow, but just please don't make me look after a non sleeping newborn again!

It's a joke, but honestly op, I found the sleep deprivation of my first dc so much harder than the birth. I'm not trying to alarm you, I'm trying to point out that though lots of women (including me) fixate on the horrors of the birth, the birth is usually not as world changing as months - years - of sleeplessness and the rest of it.

I had intense back pain that got worse as labour progressed with a tightening feeling across my bump. I used the bath at home until about 5cm which really helped. Had gas and air and used the birthing ball at hospital which was also great but eventually the gas and air made me sick. I had diamorphine which I felt didn't really do anything then I had the epidural at about 7cm. I wouldn't have the morphine or epidural again in future - I felt like I lost control and my labour completely slowed down then I ended up with an episiotomy and forcep delivery. Oh, I also tried the TENs machine and I didn't like feeling of it.
For some reason I refused to get in the birthing pool I requested but I seriously wish I had!

@OneDay10 how many women makes up that 'everybody'? Those complications are quite rare aside from low grade tears/grazes and short term stress incontinence so it's hard to believe you know so many women who have experienced them.

A CS is major surgery, I don't personally understand why anyone would actively choose it when they have the choice and no medical need- there's no shame or judgement whatever birth a mother chooses but IMO birth has become needlessly medicalised and a thing to be afraid of. If you look into the evolution of labour and birth practises in recent history it tells a fascinating story- from the introduction of chloroform (used by Queen Victoria I believe) to the move from home birth to hospitals.

Much less bad than I thought - water birth with gas and air. Felt like I remained in control throughout which I think you lose with an epidural....

If I had another (which I won't) I'd want a vaginal birth with no epidural. That's what I had the last two times & it was fine. I had an epidural with DC1 but only because it went on for so long. It led to me needing forceps as I couldn't feel to push. With shorter labours I coped fine on gas & air.

Lauriemarlow if that comment was for me maybe read the whole comment I wrote.

My waters went on their own at 40+2 just as I got into bed for the night. I knew they were an odd colour so off we trotted to the MLU who confirmed it was meconium, then on to the labour ward when they decided they wanted to induce me.

I knew enough from MN that diamorphine would make me drowsy. I asked for that after the hormone drip was put in so I could get some kip. Unfortunately the monitor showed DD's heart rate dropping at one point, and after that I just couldn't relax enough to sleep.

By the time the diamorphine wore off I was climbing the walls and insisting on an epidural. I got one pretty quick but the relief was short lived- I could still really feel the contractions and was having to use G&A.

After 18 hours on the drip I was 4cm, with no movement whatsoever in the last four hours. A doctor popped up, said I could keep going or have a c-section. He said though that because of the shape she was in it was likely they'd still need to bring me to theatre to try and turn her. When I said I didn't want an instrumental delivery he recommended the section.

The relief as soon as they removed that drip was amazing. Turned out DD was back to back but no-one thought to tell me! Recovery from the section was fine- I was out with DD and DH getting him a new coat four days PP. I never felt any pain with it really and I'm not great with pain generally (see above).

I'll be going for a section again. Because I had the labour "experience" pre-section I don't feel I missed out on anything or have any desire for a VBAC.

I had a pretty open mind going in, the only thing I really didn't want was forceps. But it goes to show that for all the planning in the world you just have to play with the cards you're dealt on the day.

I have just had my baby. I had an epidural from the get go and so didn't feel anything until the pushing. I feel like I was very very lucky and would recommend! This was because I was induced though x

Lauriemarlow if that comment was for me maybe read the whole comment I wrote.

What comment?

I would choose C every time.

I tried an induction with DC1 and ended up with an EMCS. So with DC2 went straight to ELCS, a decision I'm still very happy about and would make again

You know how having a poo when you're constipated is excruciating and awful but also the thing you want most in the world and you just want it out? It's like that.

Don't obsess about it, your body takes over or the doctors do, then you're straight into caring for a newborn so read up on baby care too!

Honestly, try not to worry too much about it. Have a birth plan but be prepared for things to go differently and role with it.
I found reading a hypnobirthing book really comforting and made me feel more in control.
I had wanted a water birth but couldnt as my waters had been gone for more than 24 hours and there was an infection risk.
My contractions were maybe a 5/10 pain wise and were very manageable as you feel normal in between.
I wasnt dilating enough so had to have an induction. Had been in labour for ages at this stage so asked for an epidural (not because I couldnt cope but because I didn't want to get to that stage). Epidural was fab! Didnt hurt getting it and was relieved to find I could move and feel my legs but couldnt feel contractions at all. Unfortunately baby was struggling by the time I got to 6cm so had to have a c-section. Was really disappointed but didnt have a choice.
Baby is now 2 weeks and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.
Good luck and enjoy every second of your pregnancy and labour; it's the most precious gift!

Ps if there was a 'best' way for everyone then everyone would do that! Everything has pros and cons.

Oh and I should have added that my labour was back to back meaning all of the contractions were in my back and I had a constant mild/moderate backache which was pretty unpleasant and was still there a little bit even after the epidural.
The epidural was so good, by the way, that after getting it my husband and I were watching How I Met Your Mother on the laptop while watching the contractions on the monitor and saying 'Ooh I bet that big one would have hurt!'.