AIBU to ask some birth story questions?

[SmoothOrange]

I am currently just over 3 months pregnant with my first baby, and to be honest I am stating to shit myself!

I know it is going to hurt, like really really hurt but I was wondering if someone could give me a bit more info on this.

So the labour pains are the contractions right? Excruciating stomach pains?

What I wanted to know is, when you are pushing and experiencing that "ring of fire", how long does this go on for? surely once baby has crowned it doesn't take that long to push it out?

Argh! I am so scared about the pain, and something going wrong.

If you discovered you were pregnant again, what would you choose (if you could choose)

A: Vaginal birth with epidural
B: Vaginal birth with no epidural
C: C section
D: I would never go through that pain ever again!

I just want to be fully prepared for what will happen because at the moment none of it seems real!

Whilst I don't particularly want to hear horrendous horror stories, feel free to share your experiences :)

Also, do pelvic floor exercises make the birth go easier?

Spontaneous labour. Quick. Extremely painful but very worth it! Like previous poster I went from the mildest cramps to excruciating pain front and back and down below.

Dont freak yourself out with horror stories or other bad experiences. Whilst its good to know what's ahead but you cant prepare for the pain or the panic. The reward is definitely worth it.

I do regret not attending the classes as I felt I would of been informed better in certain ways but my health visitor and midwives were great!!

There is not much sense dwelling on labour and worrying about it.

It is useful to learn about how the labour process works. But yes - it is painful, but no matter how bad it is, it is only one day of your life (and I say this even though I have long labours including over 24h for the first - it feels like a day at the time). Yes, crowning sucks, but once you're there you can't do anything about it, it's a bit like "going on a bear hunt" - the only way out is through. And then it's done and you have your baby.

A c-section sucks too because it is major surgery. But if you end up with one, it probably saved yours or your baby's life, so it is a good thing. So there is not much sense in wondering which is better/worse.

If you find it too much there will be pain relief to help you cope. Every single person on Earth is here because a woman gave birth to them (in whatever fashion) - you will get through it and most people decide to do it again, so for the most part, it is not that bad, or maybe it is that bad but it's worth it.

@HB2019 it's absolutely not a wonderful experience for everyone and not everyone's bodies are made for birth. This is why so many women feel like their births weren't valid

OP I had a "traumatic birth" on paper but the reality was actually ok! The whole thing lasted 1.5 hours from waters broken to baby arriving and it was my first AND I was induced! ( didnt work for me, induction process had to be stopped after 3 hours)

Not going to lie, contractions were bad. Like the worst food poisoning stomach pains ever. And everything was so quick I didnt have time for any pain relief other than gas and air (which didnt do much but gave me something to focus on other than the pain). Pushing was a welcome relief and I didnt find it remotely sore in any way. 4 pushes, and then vacuum as DS's heartrate dropped and stayed low. Didnt feel anything as was numbed before they did the episiotomy. Unfortunately I tore really badly due to his shoulder position and spent 2 hours in theatre being stitched but honestly apart from contractions I was never in pain and healed quickly and beautifully with no lasting effects at all!

@HB2019 Never watched a single episode of that, ta! lol

The great thing is you don’t have to make your mind up until you are in labour .
I am a midwife and a mum.
I would do a relaxation/ hypnobirth class during pregnancy, it doesn’t mean you won’t have pain relief but you will worry a lot less during pregnancy which definitely helps.
I would say if you go into labour yourself start with simple things, bath, gas and air etc and move up to morphine/ epidural if you need them.

If you are induced and end up on the hormone drip at 1-2 cm consider an early epidural, you might not need it but don’t rule it out.

Take great music with you, anything you like and have a good reaction to really helps keep the mood in the room light and positive.

Most of all do lots of research and remember that our body is designed to do this but if your baby dictates a different type of birth that is ok too .

For me crowning was the best part because even though it hurt, I felt like I was making progress. The contractions were the worst part for me. They were like really bad period pains (if you have ever suffered very painful periods, I know some women haven't).

If I could do it again I'd want an epidural. I had just gas and air. I wanted more drugs but was in a birthing unit where they didn't like giving out drugs. If I'd realised that before I went in, I would have picked somewhere else. I knew they preferred to not give pain relief but didn't realise they'd be dead set against it.

OP, have you considered birth preparation classes or hypnobirthing? The mindset of 'pain' around birth is not healthy, it's much better to go into it not dwelling on pain/hurt and maintaining your own sense of calm. It's going to happen, there's no getting away from it but you can take some control.

I had a vaginal birth with gas and air and pethidene with my first. 2nd baby (2 weeks ago) I had an epidural because I was so tired i felt like I couldn't carry on and ended up with an EMCS, I do think the epidural contributed to that but even without the EMCS I found the first birth preferable.
I have no memory of crowning or excruciating pain at all, contractions are uncomfortable and get stronger but mostly manageable with the pain relief that works for you. I personally get on with TENS and gas and air for a decent amount of the labour (I was 15 hours in to labour and had been awake for 30 hours before I asked for an epidural).

It is very different for everyone, I know of others who have said they would have a CS again and found it better than vaginal birth whereas I never wanted a CS and wouldn't choose to have another.

Actually changing that: if I could do it again I would not want an epidural, having read a bit more about their effects in this thread. I would want the option of taking stronger pain relief than gas and air though.

Your body is designed to give birth

Fuck sake stop spouting bollocks and educate yourself

www.bbc.com/earth/story/20161221-the-real-reasons-why-childbirth-is-so-painful-and-dangerous

The worst part for me was the tiredness, I was in labour from a Saturday evening and finally had an emcs on the Wednesday night, pethedine only made the tiredness worse and I just felt 'not with it'.
The pain started as period pain coming and going slowly getting more painful and at it's worse felt like a car had driven over my stomach but because my labour was so long the pain was constant.
If I had a quick labour Im sure I could totally cope with the pain 😂

My second 2 births were very similar, only used a tens machine until 9cm dilated six first 7 hours and then requested epidural for the last bit, which takes away the horrible burning/grating feeling!

Contractions for me are almost exactly like period pain.
I didn’t find giving birth too bad - I felt worse 2-3 days later....

The biggest difference between my two births was learning to breath properly and learning to breath properly with gas and air.

First time the gas and air made me sick and my breathing was all over the place. I felt like I wasnt coping. I opted for diamorphine which took away the pain but it really spaced me out. I think this may have slowed my labour down towards the end and as baby's heart rate dropped he was delivered by ventouse.

Second time gas and air didnt make me sick and I had a really supportive midwife who taught me to breath through it properly and also did Daisy Birthing classes (similar to hypnobirthing). Contractions were painful but I felt like I could cope. Had a pool birth and didnt feel the ring of fire. Didnt have feel it with first baby either as when they do episiotomy everything is numbed.

Dont stress yourself. Once it's over, it's over! People go back for more babies!

For me, both times, the worst part was the contractions building up to about 6cm (normally just before they take you from the ward to delivery suite/ bithing pool). They didnt get more painful for me, just more frequent and after that you have the full attention of a midwife which I found reassuring.

I would do a birthing course, practise breathing and make a plan, knowing that you might not get a choice if things happen out of your control. You'll be fine!

I might be in the minority here, but despite being absolutely terrified of pain, I loved the birth, hated the pregnancy!!

For me contractions felt like a cross between extreme diarrhoea and intense period pains. Not enjoyable but not unbearable either.

I didn't feel the ring of fire but I did have some local anaesthetic towards the end as I needed an episiotomy and that sucky thing (excuse the lack of terminology haha) to get him out when his heart rate dropped. I couldn't even feel the prick of the needle, didn't feel the cut either.

I had gas and air and some diamorphine which just knocked me out between contractions and was great for me because it meant I got a bit of rest! Everyone's different though of course.

I'd wanted an epidural prior to going into labour and my DH was telling the midwives they'd best prepare one because I'm known to be such a wimp, but now I'm really glad I didn't have one. Wouldn't rule it out if I had another child and the birth was different though.

Good luck OP, every birth is different and you're not alone to feel completely terrified! No matter which way it goes for you, you get the best present at the end!

OP it's very hard to say much at this stage. Your birth could go a number of different ways. I'll share my experience for context.

Birth one: Waters broke, but labour didn't properly kick off. So I was induced with the drip. Because of my NCT experience I wanted to avoid an epidural, but that was a mistake in the circs. I had agonising, full body pain that I really couldn't cope with. I was given the epidural eventually and it was bliss, I even went to sleep for a bit.

However, baby was in trouble, luckily i was being closely monitored, ended with a sprint to theatre, c section under GA, where they found the cord wrapped round the baby's neck multiple times (which was probably why my body didn't go into labour naturally). Thankfully they got him out in time and my recovery was amazing.

Second birth: elective c section, which I had to fight for, but eventually granted when I went over 41 weeks and baby showed no signs of budging. It was a brilliant birth compared to the first. My recovery was even better.

You don't know how it's going to go. I think everyone should try to have the best birth experience in the circumstances they find themselves in. Research and prepare for all the eventualities, that way you can have informed conversations with the midwives about what you do/don't want in various circumstances.

Dont stress yourself. Once it's over, it's over! People go back for more babies!

This is good advice.

I am getting a walking epidural and the Anesthetist told me that you are not any more likely to tear with that one! He said you can still feel the contractions but not pain as such and so manage the pushing stage well as you are not totally numb so can push well and feel what you are doing! Might be worth asking about! He also said you are not more likely to need an instrumental delivery with it, I might for different reasons to the epidural! I felt a lot more at ease as he reassured me things have come a long way and there is every chance of a good labour with it! I’m not due just yet and so can’t speak from experience but I actually put a post up today to ask others experiences and there was some really positive feed back on it! I think the fact it’s a lower dose of anaesthetic makes a big difference from what i can gather!

Also, if epidurals are so amazing, why doesn't everyone have them?
As with all medication there is a risk, albeit small, to mum and baby e.g. infection, nerve damage, breathing difficulties
It means you can't move around so may be uncomfortable and/or slow labour down.
You can't have a water birth with an epidural.
You can't feel the contractions so can slow labour down and/or cause damage if you push at the wrong time.
You have to have a big massive needle inserted into your spine (no thanks!) and it might not even work.
There may not be time for it depending on how labour progresses and they have to have the necessary staff and equipment on hand.
And of course, some women don't find it necessary. I didn't want an epidural and I didnt have one. Unless my second birth is wildly different I wont want one this time either.

The contractions are honestly fine. I had them in my front and back simultaneously and they were intense. It felt like the worst stomach bug cramps imaginable but they’re manageable because they come and go in waves. I pictured contractions like climbing a mountain, you reach the peak and that’s the most painful part but the pain starts to disappear soon after.

The pushing part was the most painful for me personally. If you’ve ever had a stomach bug that has included diarrhoea you’ve probably felt ‘ring sting’ before . It’s like that only in your vagina and a lot more intense. The burning pain lasted until the shoulders were birthed in my experience.

I'm about to have my 4th, so that should tell you all you need to know about how I find birth 😂

With my first birth I was expecting this excruciating pain that I'd want to die from. In all honesty though, although it did hurt, it was nowhere near as bad as I psyched myself up for. I had gas and air and that helped.
With the other two I managed with no pain relief and the births were lovely (painful but bearable). Despite all that, here I am (10 years since last having a baby) about to give birth again and I too am pooping bricks!

I know some women find the pain too much so I appreciate it is different for everyone and you never know what will happen or how it'll feel as each woman's experience is so diverse. But I hope your experience is just like mine and you're saying afterwards "that's not even half as bad as I was expecting"!

So for me, vaginal birth no epidural.

Contractions: I found the Braxton Hicks worse than the actual contractions. They felt like period pain with a slight tightening every so often. I didn't even know I was in labour and each time rocked up at hospital (thinking I'd be turned away) at 8cm dilated.

Transitioning is what I found the most uncomfortable. The stage where you are fully dilated and effaced just before you get the urge to start pushing). That's when I got stabbing pains which felt like I was about to have explosive diarrhea. I got cold then hot and felt uneasy like 'I can't do this'.

Then I got an urge to push, an overwhelming urge like a big poo is about to come out (sorry this is all poo related!). The burning ring - again different for everyone - lasted a couple of mins at most for me, if that. It just made me want to push through that pain. Then out flops baby.

With each pregnancy the after pains seem to get worse, they're like severe period pain - especially if breastfeeding. I find them worse than contractions.

But this definitely varies from woman to woman (even birth to birth) so unfortunately until you're in the moment, you just don't know!

But you'll be OK lovely, you got this ♥ congratulations

contractions were not like stomach nor period pains. more on the back and I very much felt like shitting a stone rather than anything else.

one DC was induced and the other was spontaneous labour. I had a tens machine and some gas an air. nothing else. it hurt yes but it was really doable.

if you cannot cope with the pain, you have a few options for pain relief.

it's by far not as bad as you probably imagine!

I’m pregnant with DC two after a horrible induction (horrible because the staff were so horrible) with a back to back baby and zero pain relief.

Contractions were very painful but baby was b2b but can be helped with pain relief (unfortunately no one would give me any!) I didn’t find pushing anywhere near as painful as getting to 10cm. Unfortunately DD got stuck so I ended up with forceps in theatre (with a spinal)

If I had a crystal ball for DC 2 I would choose the following -

Baby is the right way round - spontaneous VB with pain relief as requested. I would like to use the pool and gas and air to start with.

Baby is back to back - VB but demand an epidural upon arrival at hospital

Personally after my experience with DD I would decline induction and request a CS if labour did not start spontaneously

I was induced with all three babies, had an epidural with two of them. Would definitely go for an epidural any day. It was wonderful!

I had an epidural for my first baby, ended with an emcs. Having an epidural increases the risk of needing assisted delivery or an emcs. Second baby (very large) I used a tens machine, laboured in water with gas and air - this was amazing and delivered on land. I would choose B if I was to have another one.

I would recommend the books birth skills, positive birth and the positive birth company hypnobirthing online hypnobirthing course. The book and course are not related to each other. Look after January to see if they are doing a flash sale on the hypnobirthing course.

I’ve had 2 natural births with two whopping babies. First labour went on forever, was in for 5 days, took forever for induction to work, was the most knackered I’ve ever been in my life by crunch time. Had pethidine more to combat the pain of the drop than anything else, it’s all a bit hazy but I remember the room suddenly filling with drs and bringing out the salad tongs and telling me “this baby needs to come NOW” and I just pushed for all I was worth because I really didn’t want my baby to suffer and I really did not want forceps anywhere near me. I had quite a bad tear and even after all of that, the stitches were really painful (nurse was poking about like she was making a sandwich, with dry-gloved hands before she’d anaesthetised the area). Ouch.

Second time, induced again but contractions started immediately and like others have said, it was a deep niggling pain in my lower back and bum and sort of kept me squirming for 12hrs until the baby came. Not pleasant but not unendurable. I started in the birth pool with gas and air hoping to not need anything else. But it was just too painful so I came out to get better drugs. Little did I know the reason it was so painful was because baby was practically out. Had the drugs, lay on the bed to be checked and baby practically flew out. No tearing this time.

Ring of fire is very brief, it’s shocking, but that is the final part and baby comes next. What I was told, and what I found very true, is that the moment you find yourself thinking/saying “I can’t do this” you are at the very end of the whole shebang.

Good luck OP, everyone is different and every birth is different, everyone has different pain thresholds. If you want all the drugs, take them, if you want to go natural, do it (no medals for this though, and nobody to tell about it after without getting an eye-roll!) tens didn’t make any difference to me, but bouncing on a birthing ball was really helpful in squirmy early labour.

I’m weird apparently because I actually adore giving birth. I’d do it again and again and have millions of beautiful babies put in my arms simply because holding your baby for the very first time is utterly incomparable to any other single thing in the universe. Think about that at the tricky part.