Brand new employee here. Do I really have to attend staff Xmas meal?

[LuckySeventhWave]

I’m new to the job, probation is 3 months. It will end just as Christmas busy sales close...

Been invited to staff Christmas meal. Small financial contribution requested towards it. We have to fill out silly questions to win awards about who we think is ‘most likely to’ whatever.

If that’s team building it’s not the place for it, at a Christmas staff meal. Better to send us off on go-kart making afternoon.

Anyway, I don’t want to go. I barely know them, they barely know me, the work is so busy that staff don’t have time to chat to eachother between customers, and we don’t get tea breaks.

It’s my day off and would mean missing the kids bedtime to drive to the next town, and not get back til gone 10 probably, then working the next morning (weekend). I won’t be able to drink if I’m driving.

But I googled and read it’s important to attend these things as it shows you’re committed to the team (and this shop is real big on being The Team), it’s an opportunity to know eachother better, and it shows commitment.

I’m very committed to this job. I like it, and I work hard then I go home. I need the job to feed my family. I don’t want to socialise with work colleagues outside of work.

How bad would it look if I didn’t go? I could pretend the kids are ill, or I can’t get a babysitter, because I’m the only one with young kids, everyone else is student age apart from manager who has older teens.
They are all live to work whilst I’m work to live.

AIBU not to go?

You have good reasons for not wanting to go. You're at a different stage in life from most of the team and they probably won't mind at all if you do go and not meaning this in a horrible way, probably wouldn't make a huge effort if you did as they are of a similar age and have a history together. You'd have to make all the effort to join in and unless you're really up for it, which you're not, it's just not worth it all round. Its definitely ok not to go, it's far more important you are a hard worker and team player when actually at work, which it sounds like you are.
Don't sweat it, be honest and cheerful, wish them a good time and ask them about it afterwards!

If it's causing you so much stress just don't go. Forced socialisation who needs a night-out like that. Sounds awful anyway.

Make your excuses. It's often better to avoid these things if you're not in the mood.

Throughout my 25 year working life I have never attended an office Xmas party in the evening, quite honestly I just couldn’t bear it. I have always said I have other plans and won’t be able to attend. Don’t feel you have to go or that it is a team building thing that you should be there. Out of office hours are your own time.

I’ve blagged my way out of a couple of Xmas do’s at work and I’ve been there a few years. And my company is ALL ABOUT the team stuff. Like MASSIVE on it.

I’m field based so don’t see my team that often and we all get on well, but sometimes I just don’t like giving up my free time/evenings. So I don’t think YABU to not want to go.

I understand companies want people to bond and be a team, but to me forcing someone to do something they’re not comfortable with isn’t very team spirited and can only breed resentment in your employees. So it’s counter productive in my eyes.

You could view it as a way of getting to know your colleagues I guess. But if it’s just not something you want to do, then don’t force yourself because there’s no point going if you know you won’t enjoy it.

All work do's have been on Friday and I don't work on Friday. No, don't think I'll be able to make it, sorry. Really don't care if they mind!

Just say you have a prior engagement. People probably won't even notice. I usedt o really get excited about work events as it was a free meal in a place I could not normally afford - that feels very sweet now when think back to how things used to be.

Went to mine on Friday, not my idea of fun, a meal full of egos, but did lots of listening... it was free at least...

shows willing and I managed to swap a shift with someone who needed their child's birthday afternoon off - Friday before Chistmas - swapped for my Saturday morning before Christmas - RESULT - and as I was not the one to do the asking, apparently I am "owed one" too.

So turned into a pretty good night out for me really.