Brand new employee here. Do I really have to attend staff Xmas meal?

[LuckySeventhWave]

I’m new to the job, probation is 3 months. It will end just as Christmas busy sales close...

Been invited to staff Christmas meal. Small financial contribution requested towards it. We have to fill out silly questions to win awards about who we think is ‘most likely to’ whatever.

If that’s team building it’s not the place for it, at a Christmas staff meal. Better to send us off on go-kart making afternoon.

Anyway, I don’t want to go. I barely know them, they barely know me, the work is so busy that staff don’t have time to chat to eachother between customers, and we don’t get tea breaks.

It’s my day off and would mean missing the kids bedtime to drive to the next town, and not get back til gone 10 probably, then working the next morning (weekend). I won’t be able to drink if I’m driving.

But I googled and read it’s important to attend these things as it shows you’re committed to the team (and this shop is real big on being The Team), it’s an opportunity to know eachother better, and it shows commitment.

I’m very committed to this job. I like it, and I work hard then I go home. I need the job to feed my family. I don’t want to socialise with work colleagues outside of work.

How bad would it look if I didn’t go? I could pretend the kids are ill, or I can’t get a babysitter, because I’m the only one with young kids, everyone else is student age apart from manager who has older teens.
They are all live to work whilst I’m work to live.

AIBU not to go?

When do you think you'll get to know the team if you don't socialise with them, having said no time during work hours ?

I completely understand why you don't want to go. Ordinarily I'd say don't go, and ignore any pressure to be there.

However, as you say you need this job I think that if you can you should pull out all the stops until your probation is over. So in this instance instance I think you should go.

If you decide not to go please don't fake an illness or a sick child. Again these are best avoided until your probation is over.

I realise in an ideal world the only thing that should matter is your performance whilst at work. But in reality we all know it's not that simple......

It is your day off and you should not be expected to lose a day off for a lunch. I would not go.

I always organise the Xmas do with the other senior staff, so I have to go, but I wouldn't be offended if one of the younger members of staff said they just didn't want to go. I don't particularly enjoy them myself!

I've recently started a new job and am not going to the staff christmas ''do''. It's one of those ''team building'' events. I can't think of anything I rather do less.So I'm not going. (I've never been to a work's do in 40 years of working and it's never affected my job)

.There is nothing christmassy about it.

Besides which,it's out of work hours,they can't insist you be there. You certainly don't NEED to be there. ''They can say that they'd LIKE you to attend but it's your choice whether to or not.

I wouldn't bother going.

You say you're work to live which suggests you're really not bothered about team building or climbing the ladder quickly, so you don't really need to worry about getting your face out there.

Anyway, it's your day off.
Sod that for a game of soldiers.

I’d go, it’s one night a year and maybe, just maybe, you’ll actually have a good time.

Halfway house. It’s very difficult for you to get a babysitter, so a mate/family member is going to help you out for an hour or two, as you’re just dying to come and hang out.

Then go, drive, whizz around and chat to a few people, make sure you’re seen. There are a few guides to making chitchat at random social events, but this one will be easy as it’s Christmas so just ask questions (where are you spending Christmas, will that be fun or stressful, are you working right up to the last day, have you done your shopping yet, isn’t it stressful/crazy/fun). The main rule is ask people questions and just let them talk! You don’t have to say anything about yourself and people will think you’re the greatest conversationalist ever.

Then slide out without saying goodbye to anyone after 90 minutes, drive home, say vaguely the next day you were there for nearly 3 hours.

I know it’s shit and you should not HAVE to go, but it will reflect so well on you with management as a friendly, professional person prepared to get involved, and build good relationships with your colleagues.

Don’t pretend to be ill or say that one of your children is ill. You don’t need dishonest excuses to get out of something optional, and it’s going to seem odd if an ‘illness’ pops up every time there’s a work social event. It might also reduce your credibility if you or a child actually are ill at some stage.
This, especially saying your child has a planned minor op.
Just say you can’t go.

Are there drinks beforehand? If so, you could go to those but be unable to stay for the meal.

I do think you should go for this first year - you show "team spirit" and miracles may happen and you enjoy it or you hate it but can save your excuses for next year!

I would go.

I wouidn't necessarily expect to enjoy it, but I wouid see it as one of the ways they build team spirit (it really doesn't have to be go karting, just a chance to talk away from the workplace is valuable)

Yes, you are new and feeling uneasy. But you are wrong to assume that people a different age are going to be rude, exclude you, leave younfeeling awful. Sure, some will be nicer than others, but chances are most will be perfectly nice and are ready to include you. They will have already noticed your apparent age, and it really does not matter. This is a works social, not a night out with mates.

Is it child's nativity that night or the choir?

Works socials are where you can find out things to your benefit. You will easily see who are the gossips - the people you tell nothing personal to, the people who are argumentative, quiet... etc Those who are clever and know their stuff, those who are dominant - all sorts of useful info for the workplace.

You will also have an easier opportunity to work out who wants more shifts, so is easy to ask for a swap or cover. You may also find out who will take the piss and keep asking for swaps/cover, who will take advantage of a newbie.

Remember the maxim - 90% listen 10% talk and you won't go far wrong.

I'd go. Simply because your company is big on this sort of thing. You're on probation, and you need to be seen.

I have an absolute hard and fast rule that I do not go drinking with work.
I have made 2 close friends at my current work place who I would happily go to the pub with but should someone else then turn up I would make my excuses and leave.
This includes not going to Christmas dos

I got a big promotion 5 months in to working at my current company so I don’t think it’s affected how management see me.

I think a lot of managers secretly think “great saves £30” when people don’t come

Also you aren’t going to fail probation for not going to the Christmas do!!!

I usually don't go to my work Xmas do because I am quite shy and find it hard going. However I'm in a new job too and am going this year because I think it gives a good impression. Next year I can get back to sacking it off as usual

i never go, they used to make it specifically on a day i worked, so one year i went off sick!
now i am braver, and just say no

I think I might have worked for the same company in the past....sounds familiar.

I'm like you....I work to live, not live to work and, personally, I wouldn't go if you don't want to. I don't think for one moment it'll affect your probation. They'll assess you on whether or not you're hard-working and reliable, not on the Xmas Party.

Maybe next year you'll feel more comfortable about attending the Xmas Party - or not....but, honestly, it's not worth stressing yourself out over.

Nah, don't go. You have other plans.

I think you have to go I'm afraid and I'm surprised by the suggestions you can skip it. It would have been very, very frowned upon to do anything else at pretty much every place I have worked.

But I do remember the Xmas do I had to attend (husband's presence was also compulsory) two weeks after starting a job that was particularly excruciating. It involved team games based on how much you knew everybody there

A month later one of the directors topped himself and the other one had a psychotic episode.

So don't listen to me...

I definitely think you should go, especially because you are new. It’s important to try and fit in. Next year you can skip it.

Don't go. Tell them you have plans already. Christmas is a busy time, no-one will care. If your still there next year, you will probably have to go to that one though

@UnderHisEyeBall sounds like you've been taken for a massive mug if you felt like your husband had contractually had to attend too

You should go, these things ARE important particularly if you want to stay. Put your big girl pants on and go. If you really have to drive and can’t lift share it afford a taxi and public transport is a definite no then at least you’ll be okay for work the next day as you won’t be hung over.
This is the perfect time to break down those barriers and get to k ow everyone a bit.