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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for a good reply to Mil

449 replies

ILikePandas15 · 04/12/2019 14:11

Mil has invited herself to visit us on ours sons 2nd birthday. She didn’t ask if it was ok (if we busy or have plans) and just said what time is good for me to visit. I have plans for the day and will be taking him out for his favourite food in town and then soft play or the park (weather depending). She also has the habit of trying to take over and control everything so frankly I don't want her here. What's a good reply to her text just assuming that she can visit.

OP posts:
ItchySeveredFoot · 04/12/2019 14:13

Sorry we'll be out all day. X time on y day would be brilliant

merryhouse · 04/12/2019 14:13

"We'll be out lunchtime and all afternoon, so maybe pop in for coffee at 10.30?"

CharityConundrum · 04/12/2019 14:13

Could you just suggest a time the day after? Don't mention her not coming on the day itself, just offer her a time that works for you...

JassyRadlett · 04/12/2019 14:13

‘Oh lovely, he’ll love to see you. We’re booked up/have already got some plans but should be home by about 4 if that works for you. If not, how about x day?’

Shoxfordian · 04/12/2019 14:13

Exactly that message

JassyRadlett · 04/12/2019 14:14

Definitely don’t do the morning or she’ll try to come with you. 😁

merryhouse · 04/12/2019 14:15

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to see your grandchild on their birthday.

MissDew · 04/12/2019 14:17

I don't think it's unreasonable to want to see your grandchild on their birthday.

No one is commenting on the reasonableness. Except you. Goading much ?

It's how to say AFTER INVITING HERSELF that it's not on. Especially as she has a tendency to take over.

Original poster
ILikePandas15 · 04/12/2019 14:18

If she arranged to came early before lunch she would arrive late and outstay her welcome so it would ruin my plans.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 04/12/2019 14:18

'We'll be out all day so how about... instead?'

Agree, don't say a time in the morning or she'll hang around and join you on your travels later.

EssentialHummus · 04/12/2019 14:18

Definitely don’t do the morning or she’ll try to come with you.

Yup. The “back around 4” message from PP gets my vote.

Yarboosucks · 04/12/2019 14:19

Invite her to the soft play (aka 7th pit of Hell). If she comes, then gently berate yourself for not appreciating that maybe her DGS's 2nd birthday is important for her too.

Jengnr · 04/12/2019 14:19

Get her to come at teatime.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/12/2019 14:19

Given it's your son's birthday, I would pick your battles and let his grandmother see him on the day. However, I would control the situation by taking him to her home before you go to soft play and for food. That way you'll be able to leave whenever you want to.

KristinaM · 04/12/2019 14:19

I agree with PP.

In future, when she texts you get her son to reply . They need to learn to deal with each other , it’s not your job.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/12/2019 14:20

Exactly what @JassyRadlett said.

Original poster
ILikePandas15 · 04/12/2019 14:20

If she tried to join us she would complain about where we were going for food and suggest other places even though its dc's favourite treat food

OP posts:
Damntheman · 04/12/2019 14:20

Itchy's suggestion is perfect. Out all day, X day would be lovely instead. No details, no opening for discussion on the day itself.

HowToStopThis9 · 04/12/2019 14:21

It’s her grandson’s birthday, why shouldn’t see see him?

Original poster
ILikePandas15 · 04/12/2019 14:21

She doesn't live near by (maybe 60 miles)

OP posts:
Original poster
ILikePandas15 · 04/12/2019 14:23

HowToStopThis9 because I have plans and she will try to outstay her welcome and control everything. She is a manipulative and controlling woman, but that's another thread

OP posts:
SweetAsSpice · 04/12/2019 14:24

If she tried to join us she would complain about where we were going for food and suggest other places even though its dc's favourite treat food

I understand why she wants to see your DS on his birthday. That she’s willing to make a 120 mile round trip is good too.

However your concern that she will manipulate and take over the day is not. I guess she has form?

I think the ‘we will be back at X’ sounds perfect.

doleritedinosaur · 04/12/2019 14:26

Just say “Hi we’ll be back at such time & welcome to come then” or pick a day when your DH is there & he gets to deal with her too.

00100001 · 04/12/2019 14:27

@HowToStopThis9

Typical MN... deliberate misunderstanding the OP....

No-one is saying she can't see her GS on his birthday Hmm

We're saying she can't invite herself around, complain about premade plans and try and change everything to suit herself....

By OP saying 'will be back at 5, come over for cake and a cup of tea." MIL sees her GS, but on the OPs terms...

SpinneyHill · 04/12/2019 14:30

You're busy today sorry, is she free another day?

It's a bit cheeky to invite herself on the bloody day, of course you've already planned your schedule Hmm