To be offended she implied I wasn’t slim

[Rumblebumble]

Met a school mum/friend for coffee today and said in passing that I was surprised high street fashion could be so hit and miss on sizing and that it was so demoralising ‘even for someone relatively slim like me’.

Didn’t mean it as a boast or anything like that (said mum is probably a size 8 but not really thin) and to my horror she replied ‘but a size 10-12 is hardly slim for your height (5ft6) is it’!

I’m just flabbergasted- just didn’t know what to say or how to feel. Made me feel like a giant elephant.

I think your friend might have her own weight and shape issues.

CoupeCourte has it right - it sounds like she maybe feels you haven’t ‘earned’ the right to call yourself slim, (unlike her?). Daft.

This thread

@Hotwaterbottle01 - don't worry, I am also a 16 (and starting to feel as though I am HUGE!!)

What this lady thinks of your weight doesn't make you any thinner or fatter. You are what you are.

Does it really matter? Are you good and kind and caring? That's what is important.
Life is too short to obsess about this.

HarryElephante I think the issue is more that her friend was deliberately rude - the OP’s weight is neither here nor there (imo).

I am definitely overweight at a size 18. My friend has sometimes spoken about her weight and likened herself to me. She however is not at all over weight I would guess a 10 to 12. My point being that people often don't have a very accurate perseption of their own size

Incidentally, I don't think I've ever met someone who was a size 6, let alone a 4 - that sounds awfully small to me!!!

Incidentally, I don't think I've ever met someone who was a size 6, let alone a 4 - that sounds awfully small to me!!!

I have, they are small, as in slender and also short.

OP, I'm 5'6" same as you, and genuinely 'slim' as in 'of small build' with narrow shoulders and hips and fine bones. I'm an 8 and at the bottom end of BMI for our height. Any woman of the same height but built a bit broader with bigger bones is going to be a 10 or at the top end of healthy BMI a 12 by today's sizings. I'd call that a normal, healthy size but see nothing wrong in describing it as relatively slim.

Your friend sounds a bit, well, 'blunt' shall we say.

I don’t think anyone who needs a 12 can be classed as slim either. You are in the middle. A slim might be a 0-8, 10-14 (potentially) is normal, and while a 16+ might be average at your height it’s definitely big

What is the definition of “slim” these days? Are we allowing some Orthorexic nutritionist definition as the standard now or what? It’s all such a waste of time. A friend of mine was a size 18, she’s now a perfect 10 but only because she’s dying. WHY are we wasting our lives talking about the fucking labels sewn in the back of garments? Why is Being a number below 12 tangled up with our worth?

I was slim(mer than average) at a size 12 (pre kids) and I'm 5'7, it depends entirely on your skeletal shape and where you carry your weight. Of COURSE you can be a slender 12. People are ridiculous.

Why is it so important to be slim?

I'm 5'9" and have a BMI which puts me in the underweight category. I'm also the least slim I've ever been - age and kids! I've been a size 10 for as long as I can remember.

I'm 5'6 & size 10-12, I don't consider myself slim at all, I'm not overweight and am considered a healthy weight by health professionals but in my own opinion I'm average. If you think of yourself as slim then great! Love the body you have and be happy in yourself but people's ideas of body sizes differ greatly just as body types do & not everyone thinks 10-12 is slim the same way not everyone thinks 16-18 is large. She might have exercuted her wording badly but I don't believe she was trying to insult you.
I've rambled on I know, sorry.

I wouldn't refer to myself as slim unless I was underweight. Funny really. I guess I see slim as skinny.

I find your remark odd and hers rude.

Sorry - my point being they dress sizes mean nothing. Bones get in the way. Different shops have different cuts etc.
Anyway, regardless of all that - she's very rude and I'd avoid contact with her going forward.

I think in most people's world: slim=not overweight

I think for most people, slim is thinner than 'not overweight'. Look at any dictionary, synonyms for slim - bony (also boney), fatless, lean, lithe, skinny, slender, svelte, thin. That's different that 'not overweight'

Not overweight = normal, average, not fat-not slim.

I agree though that most people in that woman's shoes would not have said anything. But again, I would think most people in the UK would consider it bragging to tell people how slim/fit/smart/rich you are?

"Incidentally, I don't think I've ever met someone who was a size 6, let alone a 4 - that sounds awfully small to me!!!*

I am. And I genuinely don't look that small because of my shape. Interestingly, I have several items of clothing that are a 6 that are loose round the waist, bought in recent times, and my old clothes (I'm terrible for throwing things away) that are a size 10, from 15-20 years ago that I can't even do up anymore.

I've got bigger, my dress size has gone down two sizes.

I still wouldn't call myself slim then be surprised at the reaction in the OPs context though because what she was saying with her... "surprised high street fashion could be so hit and miss on sizing and that it was so demoralising ‘even for someone relatively slim like me’."... Was actually quite snide in itself as it's a leading sentence.

As in, "Well, if someone relatively slim like me has trouble, just spare a thought for those poor women who aren't slim like me, ohhhh the trouble they must have"

I think the other woman was more addressing that, by acknowledging OP isn't less relatively slim, and more relatively standard, so falls into the category that she's insinuating must be really struggling to find clothes.

I'm an inch shorter than you. I'm a size 10. I don't think it's that slim. It's pretty average isn't it? I was skinny when I was a 6, 8 would be slim for me. But I definitely don't go around saying "someone who's slim like me". If you'd said that to me I'd think you were being braggy. You wouldn't say "people who are intelligent like me" etc. It comes across as patronising and demeaning.

Wow this thread. Do people not realise everyone's skeletal frames can be different and that's before muscle and flesh is added! I'm a 10-12 top and defo 12 bottom . I'm pear shaped. I do resistance and weight exercise as well as yoga. I have a curvy/pert but very toned bottom and solid thighs. I can't get into smaller clothes because of this tho my waist could!

I've no idea what I weigh I go by clothes. I wouldn't say slim I'd say healthy and reasonably fit. BUT in the past I have weighed more than people wearing larger sizes than me. It's my frame, I would look ill if I was smaller than a ten and I'd have to practically starve myself to get there. Which sometimes on food and exercise/weight threads on here seems to be advocated to be skinny with ridiculous low calorie diets etc.

OP if you are happy and healthy it's a good size take no notice of others feel happy in your skin. If you feel slim then be slim and happy does it really matter what others think? Your 'friend' was rude Though.

So much disordered thinking on this. I have lived for years with an ED, and at my very worst, when I was severely underweight, no periods, absolutely skeletal, I was 10-12. The fact tha there are people on this thread who consider themselves overweight at a size 8 is tragic.

when I was severely underweight, no periods, absolutely skeletal, I was 10-12. The fact tha there are people on this thread who consider themselves overweight at a size 8 is tragic.

They could be. You can't talk about clothing sizes as a guide of weight if you don't take into account which shop pattern it actually is, someones height and how their fat is distributed. For example, I have dresses in my wardrobe ranging from size 14 to size 26 and they all fit. Yes, I am overweight but according to my dress size I could be anything from absolutely average to morbidly obese.

The fact tha there are people on this thread who consider themselves overweight at a size 8 is tragic.

But some women could be overweight and a size 8, it depends on your basic structure.

My 4'9", wears a size 4, built like (and indeed used to be to a decent standard) long distance runner colleague would probably be overweight at that size.

Dress sizes per se don't tell you that much, people are very variable.

It’s different for different people though A size 12 looks fine on some, on me I am medically overweight. And I know size 8 people who aren’t ‘skeletal’ I don’t know why we have to go so far the opposite way. If I were a size 16 I’d be classed as morbidly obese.