To be offended she implied I wasn’t slim

[Rumblebumble]

Met a school mum/friend for coffee today and said in passing that I was surprised high street fashion could be so hit and miss on sizing and that it was so demoralising ‘even for someone relatively slim like me’.

Didn’t mean it as a boast or anything like that (said mum is probably a size 8 but not really thin) and to my horror she replied ‘but a size 10-12 is hardly slim for your height (5ft6) is it’!

I’m just flabbergasted- just didn’t know what to say or how to feel. Made me feel like a giant elephant.

[HotSince82]

Slim or not is simply arguing semantics/ personal aesthetics. Irrespective of this OP, at 5'6 and a 10/12 you probably look fine/normal/averagely proportionate.

Your real issue is that your friend attempted to subtly pull you down a peg or two.
You need to ask yourself why she would do that.

[Grandmi]

Have read some of this thread....I wonder why so many young women have eating disorders?!!Am guessing that the commenters have children/ friends!! ...educate and encourage healthy eating!

[Clearnightsky]

Size 8 I imagine is slim in most heights. But probably underweight on average to tall height.

Size 6 and I’d want to check my BMI in case I was under weight!

[Clearnightsky]

Slim or not is simply arguing semantics/ personal aesthetics. no I think there are realities and BMI and or body fat % is a good way to fact check this for ourselves. Otherwise we are at the mercy of subjective and fairly dangerous beliefs.

Slim and average is in the healthy BMI range.

Slim is not in the underweight range, I would say that was underweight.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I think a lot depends on your definition (Or hers!) of slim.

To me it goes:
Skinny < thin < slender < slim < average < plump and so on.
Other people on this thread have equated slim with skinny - I don't think that's right but that's up to them.

So in my book, at a size 10-12 and your height, you would be relatively slim but not slender or anything less than that.

Either way, she was fatshaming you in a bitchy way and she shouldn't have said it, so YANBU.

[Emeraldshamrock]

I wonder why so many young women have eating disorders?!!Am guessing that the commenters have children/ friends!! ...educate and encourage healthy eating!
Yes on both ends of the spectrum. My teenage niece and her friends are nearly all over weight from over eating disorders, neither is healthy for them.
OP your definitely not fat, or skinny but slim from your description. Not slim enough to complain about skinny sizes according to your pal.
She was very rude no matter what size you are. Not sure why someone would say it she must be a cow.
Ignore her.

[HotSince82]

Clearnightsky
Of course its a question of semantics.
Slim being a linguistic descriptor rather than a measurement of BMI/BFP.

[Savingshoes]

So you said "even for someone relatively slim like me" and she might of thought you were trying to suggest she is overweight.
She might of returned the insult she thought YOU had made by making a bigger insult.
Maybe.

[CoupeCourte]

Yeah she was deliberately rude. Maybe she's one of those people who get a lot of their self esteem out of being perceived as slim and was gatekeeping it jealousy as if it's some kind of virtue. If it was a one off bitchy comment I'd keep it in the back of my mind but move on, if it's her fundamental personality I'd phase her out.

[badassbitch]

this is funny because I sprained my thumb yesterday and went to chemist to get a thumb and wrist splint thing fitted. I was trying them on to make sure i got the right size (they came in all sizes) and I wanted the smallest. the shop assistant kept banging on about how I needed a medium not a small and put it on herself because 'she was so much thinner than me', and ' i have much smaller hands, and thinner wrists', ...kind of on and on about it. I just didn't really get what she was on about, and just kept trying on each size. The one that felt the best was extra small. When I went for that, she got all huffy and indignant. In hindsight I think it was about being competitive about size?!! of our fucking wrists! lol.

To me at the time it was just a weird exchange, but after reading this thread I can now see what happened. And im 45 and she had to be early 50s. Nowt as queer as folk hey.

[GoldfishGirl]

Can't she have meant 10-12 is a baggy fit on a 5 ft 6 frame?

Surely you could have been saying they were baggy? We've all just assumed you meant they were too small but you don't actually say.

[Clearnightsky]

Of course its a question of semantics. Slim being a linguistic descriptor rather than a measurement of BMI/BFP

Well the further we relate our ‘linguistic descriptor’ in other words, language, from facts and realities, then the more the descriptor becomes meaningless, silly, biased and dangerous when people’s health is skewed because of it.

So I’m all in favour of being more factual when we use words like slim.

[puds11]

I’m 5,5 and size 12. Was classified as overweight by the doctors. I’d agree. Size 12 on 5.6 is not slim. Slim is not the same as skinny and because 12 is below the ‘average’ it doesn’t mean it’s right, it’s just below the (high) average.

[saraclara]

Are we muddling UK and US sizes here? In US sizing, a 12 definitely isn't slim. In UK it very much can be. A US 12 is equivalent to a 16 here in the UK. A 12 is an 8 (max) in the US.

I'm a Uk 12 on top and an 8 at the bottom. So for anything other than jeans, I'm a 12. No-one would call me anything other than slim, even when I feel pudgy. My BMI is under 22.

[ffswhatnext]

So op can say the friend isn't really slim at a size 8, but is offended for friend implying she's fat.
At least the friend had the balls to say you're relatively thin to your face. Not think she's fat and post it on here lol

[RonaldMcDonald]

It’s a normal size.
Stop overreacting

[NearlyGranny]

For your height, I'd class 10-12 as slim, certainly. 8 or under is going to be skinny, and a 6 or below is likely to have an unhealthily low BMI unless it's all heavy muscle and the person is a wiry distance runner.

And you did say relatively - I think she was point scoring. That was rude.

[NearlyGranny]

Those are UK sizes, btw!

[BinkyBaa]

Bizarre comment. I'm a 10 in tops, a 12 in pants and a couple of inches shorter than you. I'm on the lower end of the normal BMI for my height though. If that's not "relatively slim" then I don't know what is.

[Hannahmates]

10-12 is average sized or mid sized. Slim would be 4-6.

[Arthritica]

Your comment was a humblebrag, hers was a bit crass but not inaccurate.

[EnglishRain]

Very rude.

[LolaSmiles]

People don't get eating disorders because people talk quite reasonably about a continuum of size or think there is a difference between slimmer than the (overweight) average and being slim.

If anything the mental gymnastics over clothes size and a complete overinvestment in having the right number and complaining when shops don't put you in the number you want is more indicative of adults promoting poor attitudes.

Like I say, I'm an 8-10 pre pregnancy and have gained weight despite sickness and loss of appetite. I joked about it with a friend, we were both laughing and sure enough Sandra (who wasn't in the conversation) had to join in to reprimand me for laughing about pregnancy weight gain because you're still smaller than me, nothing on you, you're pregnant etc. She couldn't see that a discussion about MY pregnancy weight gain has sod all to do with her weight hangups. Not only that, but I don't chime in when she's moaning about shops, moaning about dieting, whilst having biscuits at tea break every day, drinking on a weekend and eating takeaway etc regularly because I'm not an arsehole. Somehow though for Sandra, anyone smaller than her is fair game for pointless digs.

[Pinkblueberry]

She shouldn’t have said that, no.

But I do agree with her. I was a size 12 after having DS and went back to a size 8/10 about a year after. I didn’t feel ‘slim’ as a 12 - although not overweight or big either. I suppose it’s a tricky size to put that kind of label on. Its just a ‘normal’ size if you like.