To be offended she implied I wasn’t slim

[Rumblebumble]

Met a school mum/friend for coffee today and said in passing that I was surprised high street fashion could be so hit and miss on sizing and that it was so demoralising ‘even for someone relatively slim like me’.

Didn’t mean it as a boast or anything like that (said mum is probably a size 8 but not really thin) and to my horror she replied ‘but a size 10-12 is hardly slim for your height (5ft6) is it’!

I’m just flabbergasted- just didn’t know what to say or how to feel. Made me feel like a giant elephant.

@Brimful you're my hero!

And you didn't kick her shin under the table?! Madness.

She was rude, no question. I would also be offended, so YANBU there. However, I don’t necessarily disagree with her assessment...

10/slim and 12/average was true before the vanity size explosion of the 1990s.

That wasn't the periodic revalorisation based on population measuremts. But an avowed marketing strategy from which sizing has veneer recovered.

You need to allow about 2 sizes off to get to what sizes 'meant'

So today's 10-12 is 14-16 in the 1980s.

And on some body frames, that is not slim. I expect OP does have the rangy sort of frame which means she looks terrific.

But these days, using dress size as a proxy for whether you are slim or not simply doesn't stack up.

Let's just remember that with vanity sizing a size 12 is really a size 28 these days.

I live according to the Catherine Deneuve maxim ("A woman reaches an age where she has to choose between her butt and her face.") I choose face.

She was rude. But prepare yourself for the onslaught of "I'm 5'8" and a size 2 and I still wouldn't say I'm slim, I think people have lost sight of what a healthy size looks like..."

Well you’re not slim, more average size. I think she was unkind to say it to you though since you had set yourself up with a little humble brag... I would’ve just agreed with you to keep the peace.

I expect she's kicking herself! Don't give it another thought.

Either that or she felt put on the spot and upset - she may have taken you to imply that you thought she wasn't 'slim'. It's a minefield talking about size!

I am 5’4” and a size 10. I would say I am “relatively slim” (actually I wouldn’t ever utter those words but I’d think them only to myself) - the relative is important though. I am relatively slim because average has become much bigger than it used to be. I am not slim however. I need to be a size 8 to be anywhere near slim.

I’m actually verging on being overweight at my current size and needing to cut down on eating all my feelings so that I can be actually slim again, rather than just relatively slim.

I expect OP does have the rangy sort of frame which means she looks terrific.
Rangy

Kat Farmer is a 12 and she looks really slim to me.

I’m an 8 but have a sqauttwr build and would never describe myself as slim!

The woman was a size twat though

Well, she didn't imply that you're not slim; she said it. Which was rude.

You are BRAVE to start a thread about size on here.

On MN, the ideal is a size 2, lives off fresh air and kale, with an egg white omelette when they really want to indulge themselves, and exercises every half an hour.

Anybody bigger than that is clinically obese and about to be single-handedly responsible for the demise of the NHS as a consequence. And if we dare to think otherwise we are tragically deluding ourselves.

Size 12 is below the average size 16! Why is everyone saying size 12 is average?!

www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/womens-body-changes-since-1957-self-image-fashion-weight-health-sizes-positive-a7633036.html%3famp

Avoid her in future op, she knows she’s been catty, like a lot of people on this thread.

Mumsnet competitive undereating and oversizing threads (see above re vanity sizing, which by the way is utter bollocks) always make me chuckle but actually there is some sinister shit going on underneath it all, disordered eating is very damaging and I hate the fact that so much pressure is on looks rather than health.

10-12 is very slim for 5'6". I'm five foot six and was quite a skinny size 12, people were always commenting on the fact too, sometimes suggesting I should eat more.

Yet another thread that demonstrates how distorted some women’s views on body size are. 🙄

"see above re vanity sizing, which by the way is utter bollocks"

Something which the industry openly describes is 'utter bollocks' ?!?!?

Really have heard it all now!

I think in her head she heard 'skinny' for slim. To me 10-12 would definitely be slim also trim/neat and definitely below average these days.

She thought you were saying you were 'skinny' when really you were just saying you were on the trim/slim side.

Skinny would be size 8 and under. Skinny and Slim are different things. Either way what she said was unnecessary but maybe you sounded like you were fishing for a complement??

OP said "relatively slim" which a size 10-12 is!

She was rude af.

To be fair, she is right though in that a size 12 isn't really slim these days with vanity sizing. It very much depends though on your tone if humblebragging in the first place or just making a casual statement. If the latter than quite catty on her behalf.

I know it's not PC and I wouldn't ever describe someone like this to their face, but to me what a lot of people here are classing as slim I think of as skinny, less than average.

Slim to me is a healthy normal weight which usually ranges 8-12 dependent on height etc. I wear 10-12 and would absolutely class myself as slim, I'm in the middle of a healthy BMI. I'm not skinny.

12-14 is when you start moving out of slim territory to my mind, the OP describesherself as 10-12, though 12 is mentioned in both 12 is the gateway size to average and above average I guess.

size 16 might be 'average' but an average person in the UK is also overweight. Does not necessarily make you slim if you're a little smaller.

I think it’s key that the OP said ‘relatively’ slim. That’s different to just slim. Your friend sounds rude and maybe jealous.