To be offended she implied I wasn’t slim

[Rumblebumble]

Met a school mum/friend for coffee today and said in passing that I was surprised high street fashion could be so hit and miss on sizing and that it was so demoralising ‘even for someone relatively slim like me’.

Didn’t mean it as a boast or anything like that (said mum is probably a size 8 but not really thin) and to my horror she replied ‘but a size 10-12 is hardly slim for your height (5ft6) is it’!

I’m just flabbergasted- just didn’t know what to say or how to feel. Made me feel like a giant elephant.

[Velveteenfruitbowl]

Yeah, it’s definitely not slim. I’m a size 10-12 and four inches taller than you and no where near slim. That does mean that she wasn’t weirdly rude though. Most people in her shoes would have inwardly raised an eyebrow and pretended that they didn’t hear you.

[ILearnedItFromABook]

It doesn't really matter whether you're "relatively slim" or not. You could be undeniably obese and it would still have been very rude of her to contradict you. She's not your doctor or personal trainer, so it's none of her concern, even if she does think you're deluding yourself. (Not that I'm saying you are, btw!)

[anothernamejeeves]

@Bellaxx8 wow! I think you have some issues you add projecting

[lotsofstripes]

She was rude and imo a bit weird to bother risking making stuff awkward Even if someone (who I didn’t know very well) who was OBESE referred to themselves as ‘relatively slim’ in a passing comment to me about clothes sizing I’d probably just mumble a ‘oh yeah’ and move onto the next topic of conversation. Wouldn’t bother pointing out that they weren’t slim unless I knew them well enough to be worried they were being delusional about their weight. Even if I didn’t necessarily agree they were slim, why would I bother making relations awkward? I’d just nod along and wait for the subject to change

[Bellaxx8]

@anothernamejeeves - not really 🤣 a size 16 is fat.

What issues am I project exactly ?

[Velveteenfruitbowl]

@Fozzleyplum it’s because weight isn’t a good indicator. Two people of the same height and weight can look completely different depending on build, muscle mass etc.

[Interestedwoman]

Yes, that is rude. A size 10-12 is slim but with a bit of curve, which is nice. It's definitely slim compared to the average woman. It sounds like she was trying to pull rank as she's slim herself. Maybe she feels a little insecure about her achievements in life, so she clings on to this one.

You could say to her that what she said upset you. Clear the air, I imagine she'll realise she fucked up and apologize, if she's a reasonable person. We all say the wrong thing sometimes for various reasons, but if she starts to make a habit of hurting you, distance yourself.

[Littlemeadow123]

@GrumpyHoonMain

I'm 5 ft 6 and I'm a size 12. Im still slim though. If it werent for my big chest I would be a size 10 but hey ho, thats just the shape I am. Because its body shape as well as body weight that dictates what size clothing you wear.

[calmama]

YANBU

I bought a blouse once and ended up going for a size 10 or 12 after the shop assistant convinced me I “couldn’t” be a size 8 because she was a size 8 and she was “much smaller” than I was (she actually tickle laughed).

I was young and going through a rough time so didn’t think much of it. Wish I had said something at the time. And didn’t have this beautiful oversized blouse still hanging in my wardrobe!

[RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime]

You're not allowed to call yourself slim on MN unless you're a 6-8. There is no allowance made for height, body shape, muscle mass, slim not actually meaning bony, bony not being desirable, etc.

When I was a 10-12 there is no way I was anything other than slim. But I wouldn't dare say that on here. Oops

[RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime]

Yeah, it’s definitely not slim. I’m a size 10-12 and four inches taller than you and no where near slim.

You are 5'10" and a size 10 and are nowhere near slim? Don't be ridiculous.

[saraclara]

FFS. OP said RELATIVELY slim in a conversation where she was empathising with people who find trying things on demoralising. And in comparison to many of them she IS relatively slim.

[EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall]

I'm 5"7 and a size 10-12 with a healthy bmi

I'm lucky enough that if i put on weight it goes on everywhere

I think those people who are saying 10-12 isn't relatively slim and who are 5"6 are probably the ones to carry weight in one area so look out of proportion

[PhoneLock]

You're not allowed to call yourself slim on MN unless you're a 6-8

I disagree. I don't think you are allowed to call yourself slim on MN whatever combination of height and dress size you are.

[Alrighteo]

I'd say her BMI would put her right plonk in the middle of the healthy range. So she's not slim.
Slimmer than most in Britain, but not slim i.e. within the healthy range but in the lower part of it.

[RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime]

I disagree. I don't think you are allowed to call yourself slim on MN whatever combination of height and dress size you are.

You may be right

[CareOfPunts]

I am properly fat now but when I was 9 stone many moons ago I was a size 12 and most definitely slim. I wasn’t skinny, but I was slim. I’m 5 ft 7.

I wouldn’t be “offended” though it’s not the worst thing in the world to not be “slim”.

[RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime]

I'd say her BMI would put her right plonk in the middle of the healthy range. So she's not slim.
Slimmer than most in Britain, but not slim i.e. within the healthy range but in the lower part of it.

You don't know what her weight is. I was high 9st to 10st at a size 10/12, BMI 22 ish. Slim.

I can't believe I'm having this argument.

[calmama]

Not sure why this thread has turned into a nasty debate about what “slim” is. The point is the OP is not a “giant elephant” and the friend was bloody rude.

[HotSince82]

MNers are obsessed with being slim/thin/rangy/svelte.

See also:
Being middle class
Two children, max
Having ducks in a row
Did you mean to be so rude?
Extra curriculars
White stuff/Hush/Mint Velvet
Vegetarian for half the week
DH earns six figures

Its just how it is

[MagicMojito]

I'm 5 ft 6 and a size 12. I'm at least a stone overweight. Definitely not "slim" but why does it matter? I hate sizing in women, I just don't understand why women's clothes have all the varying sizes (4,6,8,10,12 etc)that can be different in one shop to another and men's are simply in actual measurements why is this??

[MagicMojito]

Also yes, "friend" was trying to put you back in your box. Rude.

[Courtney555]

It's completely subjective.

I have "slim" in my head as lithe. Not necessarily size zero, but as an example, I'm usually a 6-8 (currently 33 pregnant with twins and more akin to a toffee apple ) but I wouldn't call myself slim, as I've got fake boobs, and a sticky out bum, so I'd say I was petite but curvy. Or small framed. In the same way Jessica Rabbit, Kylie, Monroe...not slim, but petite.

Slim... would be....more athletic and toned. Grace Jones. Melania Trump. Lisa Kudrow.

You can't really go on dress size. At my height, despite being under the national average, a 12 would look dumpy.

[Clearnightsky]

Size 10-12 is on the slim side! For that height.

Well 10 definitely and 12 is probably average.

I think some people are just a bit rude.

[CrumpetyTea]

It doesn't matter whether you are slim/relatively slim/relatively fat/fat
she was rude to say that.