To be offended she implied I wasn’t slim

[Rumblebumble]

Met a school mum/friend for coffee today and said in passing that I was surprised high street fashion could be so hit and miss on sizing and that it was so demoralising ‘even for someone relatively slim like me’.

Didn’t mean it as a boast or anything like that (said mum is probably a size 8 but not really thin) and to my horror she replied ‘but a size 10-12 is hardly slim for your height (5ft6) is it’!

I’m just flabbergasted- just didn’t know what to say or how to feel. Made me feel like a giant elephant.

[PhoneLock]

So much disordered thinking on this. I have lived for years with an ED, and at my very worst, when I was severely underweight, no periods, absolutely skeletal, I was 10-12. The fact that there are people on this thread who consider themselves overweight at a size 8 is tragic.

It's inevitably disordered because people are all different. Just because you were positively skeletal at size 10-12 is irrelevant. At size 10-12, I looked positively podgy.

Comparing dress sizes in isolation in this context is pointless.

[OttomanUmpire]

I don’t get all the posts on this thread examining earnestly whether 10-12 is really slim or not. Isn’t the point that her mate was deliberately rude over nothing of consequence? What’s it to the friend? The woman could be morbidly obese but I wouldn’t feel the need to set her straight on how relatively slim or otherwise I thought she was.

[FizzyGreenWater]

I've said this before: it's no longer possible to use UK clothes sizing as a shorthand for what size/shape someone is, even vaguely.

The clothes I habitually wear at the moment range from an 8 to a 16. No, not baggy fit to slim, just normal clothes. The difference is the brand/shop, nothing else.

It means nothing.

I don't even really look at a size anymore, I hold up the item, I take two or three different sizes in to try on. Pot luck what it says on the label, means less than shit.

[LauraMacArthur]

I'm a size 10 in most shops and consider myself slim, I'm low end of healthy bmi. Getting in a smaller size is more about having slim hips/boobs/shoulders really. Someone with a straight up and down size 8 figure isn't likely to be slimmer than me, so I don't get the mumsnet attitude really.

Sounds like your friend was rude tbh. Depends on whether she's done it before - I'd let it slide as a one off.

[woodchuck99]

I find the obsession with dress sizes weird considering that they are hardly standardised nowadays. I have a BMI of about 19 and I am usually a size 10 but sometimes a size 12. There is no way anyone would say I am not slim (unless they had an eating disorder perhaps). My extremely slender SIL is a size 10 at 5 foot nine .That said I have seen people who look quite a bit larger than me saying they are a size 10 so either they are lying or they squeeze themselves into things or dress size doesn't mean much. Probably the latter. Your friend is very rude.

[Pukkatea]

This thread is really making me hate the word 'slim'

[Brimful]

Agreed, Pukka.

According to MN you can't be slim unless you're see-through.

[Waitrosescheapestvodka]

I don’t get all the posts on this thread examining earnestly whether 10-12 is really slim or not. Isn’t the point that her mate was deliberately rude over nothing of consequence?

This. The objective definition of 'slim' is irrelevant. If a friend said in passing they had a nice face/sleek hair you wouldn't flatly insist otherwise, would you? If you are asked it's fair game, but it sounds like the conversation was derailed to assert OP is not slim. She was fucking rude.

[LolaSmiles]

Or Waitrose I'd probably go further, in that you don't humblebrag and bring up things that are going to make a reasonable proportion of people get tetchy (like money or weight), which the OP did by saying 'slim like me' or words to that effect. It added nothing and was always running the risk of a bitchy response.

Equally, whilst the friend has probably been truthful, they were a bit of an arse about it and should probably have known the response to a subtle humblebrag is to ignore it and move the conversation on.

[isitxmasyet]

@woodchuck99 thank you for some sanity

MN obsession with vanity sizing meaning that 10/12 is actually a size 20 is grim

Bone structure and size varies enormously and body fat levels can be low but still need a larger clothes size

It’s all bollocks!

Wear what feels comfy
I hate tight clothes so always pick a size or two larger than I could actually get in but some people love fitted clothes and wear the smallest that does up.

As for the words slim/thin/skinny etc it’s all very subjective

Best idea just don’t discuss it OP

[YeOldeTrout]

pffft...
It was just an opinion. If you think you're a good size then you're a good size. Who cares what others think?

Unless you think your friend has a point & you secretly agree & feel annoyed at your present size...?

[tinkerbellla]

She was so rude! Even if you were a much bigger size it would still be rude of her to say that!

[KizzyWayfarer]

For me ‘I’m relatively slim’ as in the OP has a different meaning to ‘I’m slim’. More like ‘a healthy weight’ or ‘not overweight’ as opposed to ‘I look like Kate Moss when she was living on nothing but cigarettes.’ Yeah, she was rude.

[Munkers]

I’m a size 4-6 and can’t see my bones, don’t think I look anorexic at all

[minipie]

I don’t get all the posts on this thread examining earnestly whether 10-12 is really slim or not. Isn’t the point that her mate was deliberately rude over nothing of consequence? What’s it to the friend? The woman could be morbidly obese but I wouldn’t feel the need to set her straight on how relatively slim or otherwise I thought she was.

This.

I would describe 10-12 as normal size but that’s IRRELEVANT because the point is your “friend” went out of her way to correct your perception of yourself as slim. Which is rude and a bit mean (esp given she is slimmer).

[lljkk]

I suppose... if your friends don't tell you that your fooling yourself, then who would? I don't think it has to be a rude thing to say.