To be offended she implied I wasn’t slim

[Rumblebumble]

Met a school mum/friend for coffee today and said in passing that I was surprised high street fashion could be so hit and miss on sizing and that it was so demoralising ‘even for someone relatively slim like me’.

Didn’t mean it as a boast or anything like that (said mum is probably a size 8 but not really thin) and to my horror she replied ‘but a size 10-12 is hardly slim for your height (5ft6) is it’!

I’m just flabbergasted- just didn’t know what to say or how to feel. Made me feel like a giant elephant.

[Soontobe60]

You were talking about your size, she joined in with your conversation. You're fatter than her, so in her head you're not slim, she is!
You need to get over yourself.

[Pinkblueberry]

I’m was a 10-12 pre kids I’m now a 8-10 and still wouldn’t describe myself as slim. I have a waist, hips and boobs.

I think maybe we all don’t agree on what ‘slim’ means. Why would a slim woman have no boobs, waist or hips?

[Beautiful3]

I think she means skinny. She's not saying that she is skinny and you're not, just that a size 12 isn't skinny. I agree with her, its not. I'd class size 6/8 as skinny. Size 10/12 is still a lovely size to be. Nothing to be upset about really. Your topic and statement/question lead to her answer, it didn't come out of the blue. I'd forget about it and move on.

[WitsEnding]

I'm 5'6 and a UK 12, occasionally 10, 62kg lots of muscle. I am tending towards bony and underweight and would put more weight on if it didn't all pitch up on my (currently flat) stomach.

Most people's perception of the ideal weight is skewed by their own weight and self image. She's a cheeky cow.

[Vulpine]

'Forget it and move on' - there would be no mumsnet if everyone did that!- surely everyone has a right to be hurt/annoyed by what hurts/annoys them

[Geronimorlassie]

Just move on. You opened the wormhole and she went down it. Forget it with no hard feelings.

[Geronimorlassie]

And sorry no...would not consider you as slim. And I am currently overweight so there is no comparison/jealously issue happening.

[Hannahmates]

@Sparklfairy I didn't fatshame anyone. I said that a size 10-12 is average/mid size. If you take issue with that then maybe you're being too sensitive. Accusing people of 4-6 of being anorexic does qualify as body shaming though.

[Sparklfairy]

Hannah sorry but a size 4 unless you're pretty short is very thin. It's not a case of me being sensitive, and the fat shaming wasn't just aimed at you. It's just a shame that posters feel the need to same you're not slim at a 12 as a blanket thing, when that's not necessarily the case. Luckily I myself am happy with my size and shape, I didn't like being ~half a stone lighter than I am now, but I still couldn't fit in jeans a size smaller than I do now!

Some posters, yes including your 4-6 comment, can trigger disordered thinking in others that are feeling vulnerable. It's irresponsible and dangerous.

[isitxmasyet]

Slim has a different meaning to skinny I think

Slim to me implies toned and in proportion and a size 10 would definitely be slim assuming someone is over about 5ft3.

A 12 may be slimmish but lots of people squeeze into a 12 because they have a small frame but actually carry a lot of body fat.

Equally they can be like @WitsEnding and have little body fat, be muscular and toned but be a bigger build.

Skinny implies the Victoria Beckham look of small build and zero body fat.

So if you are honestly of the smaller build but actually (like majority of us) a little lumpy under the size 12 then she was obviously irritated by the slim comment

However saying it out loud was very rude of her. VERY. She should have just rolled her eyes inwardly and said nada.

Did you spit in her costa when she went to the loo?

[PhoneLock]

I’m was a 10-12 pre kids I’m now a 8-10 and still wouldn’t describe myself as slim. I have a waist, hips and boobs.

I think maybe we all don’t agree on what ‘slim’ means. Why would a slim woman have no boobs, waist or hips?

Exactly. I would regard myself as slim. I'm the same height as the OP and an easy size 6 (yes, really!) I most definitely have a waist, boobs and hips. There are pics of me on here that will confirm for those that doubt that it is possible.

Slimness, is an overall aesthetic that is difficult to judge from simple statistics alone and one person's perception of it will be different to another's, and even that might change over time. Mine has.

[Loveislandaddict]

Have’s read whole thread, but she was rude and you are slim.

[Pinkypie86]

Size in clothes means nothing nowadays.. I was a size 24, 4 years ago. I wear a size 12-14 now and still have a huge backside and thighs! Plus alot of saggy skin that quite frankly is repulsive.
If you're able to walk,run and eat balanced enough who cares what size you are.

YABU - you both sound slim with an ego to boot!

[PenelopeFlintstone]

I don't think it was a humble brag, because you only said 'relatively slim'. That's fairly modest.

[JollyJlly]

FFS both her and the other posters. We should be building each other up not down. Shitty comment from her and shifty comment from the others banging on about a humble brag.

[ScreamingValenta]

It's straying from the OP's point to debate whether size 12 is slim or not at a given height, and should we factor in vanity sizing or not.

Her friend's comment was rude - it was a put-down - there was no need for it at all. If she wanted to disagree with the OP she should have just said 'I don't have that problem' or words to that effect. As it was a very light, unimportant-sounding conversation, personally (even if I did think the OP was overweight) I'd have just made the right noises and changed the subject.

[HeyDoggy]

She sounds mean and it was a nasty thing to say. However, I don’t think a 10-12 is slim. It’s normal. Unfortunately, most people are overweight nowadays, so we’ve been told that 14-16 is normal/average, but that’s actually quite big. I’m a size 14 and 5’8”. To be honest, I’m fat and that’s due to eating all of the cake and chocolate after having youngest DC over a year ago! Lots of my friends use the “you’ve only just had a baby”, which is them trying to be nice, when actually I’m fat due to lifestyle choices 😂

[FreeStar]

I think in most people's world:

slim=not overweight

Therefor size 10/12 is slim.

A size 6 is very slim- don't know many women who are a size 6- especially if they are average height or above- that's beyond slim and positively thin.

[mintich]

10-12 is slim but even if you thought it wasnt, who actually says it to someone's face?? Rude!

[FreeStar]

It's healthy to be slim- a size 10 would be a healthy weight-a size 10 is slim!

[TheRightHonerable]

Yeah I wouldn’t consider you ‘slim’ if I’m honest and probably would find it weird if you tried to stealth boast about being so in front of someone who was lighter than you.

I’m 5’8.5 and a size 10 (pregnant atm but let’s ignore that for now) and I wouldn’t consider myself particularly slim! Just normal and healthy.

I also think ‘slim’ isn’t 100% about size but physical condition, so toned and athletic...etc.

DH and I are both on the skinnier side of U.K. average but nether do any proper exercise beyond walking places and working.

[PenelopeFlintstone]

I agree with Sparklefairy
Plenty of brands (Ted Baker, Karen Millen just at a glance) don't even have 'Size 4 UK'. They start at 6.

[BeyondMyWits]

My daughter is a size 6 and definitely slim, and going to sixth form in my old work skirt - labelled size 12 in the 1980s. It fits perfectly. Vanity sizing is alive and kicking.

[Louloulovesyou]

That was a mean comment and she knew it!

[OttomanUmpire]

That is so weird and rude of her! You clearly weren’t ‘bragging’ and lots of posters seem to have ignored that you said ‘relatively’ slim. 10-12 is relatively slim to be demoralised by high street sizing, and your point was clearly that you’re not even struggling with a weight issue yet even you find the unreliable sizing demoralising (with the implication that it might be even more deflating, npi, for someone of a bigger size) It sounds like weight is a touchy issue for her and she for some reason felt affronted by your suggestion that you are relatively slim. Super weird. Definitely rude and unnecessary. YANBU.