Partner never takes his keys

[jumper1234]

He will thing me to come home as he's forgotten them again or he'll knock on the door so I have to stop what I'm doing to go and let him in. Tonight he walked the dog and I was hanging curtains and heard him get back so I opened the window and said you'll have to wait if you've forgot your keys as I'm busy. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable but this has been going on for over 5 years and even when I don't rush back right away he says I'm unreasonable to get so angry about it and why can't I just help him and not complain. I don't even know if that makes sense but honestly it drives me mad I have to stop cooking tea etc to go and let him in. So aibu to not want this to continue or should I chill out about it like he says ?

Adhd that only manifests itself in forgetting the same exact item every single time? And just the one item ?What are the odds of that really?

Agree that lots of people probably have undiagnosed ADHD/ADD. Both me and DP almost certainly being 2 of them.

But we don't expect each other to drop everything and alter our plans/activities to bail the other out in this way and we don't get angry if we don't immediately jump to attention to rectify the other's constant mistakes.

This is the difference with the OPs DH and the poster who feels like she can't leave the house so she can let her DH in when he never bothers to take a key. The 'forgetful' person isn't taking any responsibility or suffering the consequences, they're pushing all that onto their DWs.

he turns it into an argument of how I can't ever help him when he needs
But he doesn't need for you to come home and let him in. He wants you to.

Very small children say that they NEED something when they don't need it, they just WANT it.
Is he a small child?

My sister does this to my parents and it drives them mad. It would take her two seconds to grab her keys out her bag! Just stop doing it and he'll soon start remembering his keys

Why do people keep insisting that the door would be unlocked if someone was at home? Not everyone has the same type of lock.
A lot of door locks - like a Yale - can only be opened from the outside with a key. It is not locked from the inside.
If it's a door with a handle to open it, this is a split spindle mechanism

This is about power not keys. He likes to have you at his beck and call, drop what you're doing because his needs are more important.
It's utterly ridiculous that you've been putting up with this for 5 years.
He's never gonna take his keys if you're dropping everything as soon as he calls you.
I can't believe someone would stand outside waiting for someone to let them in rather than just take their keys.
5 years!! He's insane..I'd have made him eat his keys by now.

Sounds like he has a passive aggressive sort of disorder, where he uses deliberate obstructionism and stubborness, a kind of passive resistance to behaving in a socially acceptable manner. It could also be about him being controlling, by expecting the OP to fall in line with his unreasonable behaviour and requests.
A few "lock outs" would make him think twice.

Every time he goes out without his key, make a flask, leave your phone near the door inside, pop to she shop/park round the corner for a bit. When he rings you he'll be able to hear your phone inside. He can hardly moan about you forgetting your phone if he can't remember his keys.
And then buy him a key safe for Xmas.

Thankyou for all the responses. I'm not sure what I'll do but definitely can't continue the way it is currently. We aren't really speaking at the moment due to the argument about it last night he thinks I've blown it all way out of proportion but it's honestly so annoying and I don't want it to carry on anymore. He can be quite forgetful in general to be fair but mainly about things that he doesn't view as important.

Do you want to stay with a man who when he forgets something important, either by accident or design, blames you & turns it into an argument?

DP bought himself a metal chain and clip to attach his keys to his belt loops after he came back and realised he'd left his keys indoors.

He's only forgotten to swap it over when changing trousers twice in seven years - and he sat on the wall for two hours on the time that he didn't have his wallet, either, rather than 'bother' me when I was working 15 minutes' walk away (the other time he, sensibly enough, went to the pub).

Your partner seems to be still expecting his Mum to be at home to bail him out. So I'd block his number each time I went out. That way he has to get his act together. I might unblock him occasionally in the morning to send him a text (so he doesn't realise it's happening), but 'No, didn't get any messages. Were you sat on the doorstep for long? Oh, dear.'

Mind you, it makes it easier to get shot of him - all you need do is wait for him to go out, as he's going to have left his key. Then just don't ever let him in again.

He can be quite forgetful in general to be fair but mainly about things that he doesn't view as important.

Things you care about, things that inconvenience you are not important. Well isn't that revealing.

Cheeky bugger should be apologising on bended knee with flowers and chocolates for taking the piss for so long on the key issue.

Very bad sign that you are being punished for his failure. Very bad sign that he claims it isn't a big deal when all the downside is yours so if you say it is a big deal then it is a big deal. Sorry.

I find it hard to believe he's only a selfish dick on this one topic. You got together at 18? Were you desperate to get away from a toxic family situation by any chance? I'm asking because you have the hallmarks of it.

"He can be quite forgetful in general to be fair but mainly about things that he doesn't view as important."

It's not important to remember to take house keys??!!

I can’t believe these men are so incompetent- I have maybe forgot my keys once or twice in my life (& I have a spare set with a Neighbour).

Surely it’s the first thing you check as you leave the house, I admit I do forget my phone or money occasionally but that only inconveniences me, the fact that he so frequently forgets his keys does indicate that, at least unconsciously, he is assuming you are at his beck and call to let him in. .

If I annoy someone due to my repeated forgetfulness I usually apologise. I suppose I could have a hissy fit then sulk for days instead but I don't. I think I am normal on this one.

So he's giving uou the silent treatment?

The key thing is not the only problem you have then.

Oh wouldn't it be funny if you just left him. And he came home without his keys, and you had left yours on the table.

He sounds awful. How have you absorbed this shitty treatment for five years?

Agree with key safe, but make it his one and only Christmas Present. In addition, go out and turn your phone off, run a bath etc as per previous suggestions.

Jesus this would drive me fucking crazy. It's a bit of a shitty power play as he doesn't view it as important. It's something you can sort for him. I'd find that lack of basic life skill very unappealing in a man. It's like he's a child. How does it work if your at work or busy out with friends?

The key safe perhaps, but the only reason to let him in when he forgets is if the dog is with him. Out of kindness to the dog.

It's not just the forgetting though is it, it's the getting angry when you point out that it isn't acceptable that he does it. Making it so bloody unpleasant to step out of line. My H does the same, with keys and many other things. I really hope I can get the, strength up to start divorcing him in the new year.

Been together 7 years got pregnant at 17 so moved out together when son was born 5.5 years ago. Then moved again 2 years ago when we bought our house. He's forgotten keys consistently the whole time we have been together and his mum and dad would let him in and we rented around the corner from them so he would wait at their house for me. Since buying our house he doesn't have that option so has solely relied on me to be at his beck and call for the last 2. Writing this I realised I'm a bit of a dickhead to have started enabling this behaviour in the first place.

After 5 years, he doesn’t forget to take them anymore. He purposely just leaves them at home.

The good bit is that you don't need his permission to stop enabling it. You just stop.

Same for the sulking and blaming. You can ignore.

Good luck. Be vigilant.

It's not forgetting and it's not incompetence. These men are very good at claiming incompetence when they just can't be arsed doing things.
Forgetful is forgetting a couple of times and then making sure you never do it again.
I've been locked out on 2 occasions because I forgot my keys, I'm generally a little bit scatty but after that I never forgot my keys again.
I didn't have someone in the house willing to drop everything to let me in though so by continuing to do it you're enabling it.