Partner never takes his keys

[jumper1234]

He will thing me to come home as he's forgotten them again or he'll knock on the door so I have to stop what I'm doing to go and let him in. Tonight he walked the dog and I was hanging curtains and heard him get back so I opened the window and said you'll have to wait if you've forgot your keys as I'm busy. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable but this has been going on for over 5 years and even when I don't rush back right away he says I'm unreasonable to get so angry about it and why can't I just help him and not complain. I don't even know if that makes sense but honestly it drives me mad I have to stop cooking tea etc to go and let him in. So aibu to not want this to continue or should I chill out about it like he says ?

If your home then the door would be unlocked surely so why would he need his keys? I must be missing something because I read of issues with people not taking their keys on here a lot, and I don't get it because if you're home, then the door wouldn't be locked so why the need for a key?

A lot of people have yale locks on their doors, so they lock automatically.

I always keep my door locked even when I'm home. It's safer.

@SarahNade why would you possibly leave your front door unlocked in this day and age?
Unless you live in a gated house then I guess you'd probably be ok.

Surely if someone is in, but not in bed etc the door would be unlocked anyway? Obviously someone shouldn’t go out for hours, but I don’t see the problem with someone popping to the cornershop etc while one person stays at home if it’s convenient for them both.

I don't know how you put up with this. My 8 year old gets home first one day per week and has never forgotten his key. Every member of my household, from 8 year old through pre teen boy to teenaged girl to two adults has a key and nobody forgets it or asks anyone else to let them in, because I taught the children that it's disrespectful to ring the bell if you have a key - it's saying that the other person's time and inconvenience is less important than yours if you cannot be bothered to take or look for your key. DH obviously knew this already, because he isn't an arsehole.

This is 100% a Powerplay from a nasty, petty little man who needs to be the strutting cock and know his hen understands that his needs and wants come first.

I agree the key safe is a good idea if you don't live in a high break-in area, because your lives are probably deeply intertwined by now and chucking him out will be a hassle, but he is showing you he doesn't respect you, which makes this relationship very unappealing...

Good luck. Stop being his butler. You're in the right, he's being a self obsessed disrespectful arse.

SimonJT he deliberately doesn't take a key even if she's going out, and phones her to come home and let him in. It's absolutely about control, not convenience.

I can't believe how many people think it's normal to leave their doors unlocked if they're home maybe 30 years ago, but I wouldn't do it now, no way!

Are these crazy ideas? Man expected to sort out own minor issues without inconveniencing a woman*

Wouldn't that be lovely? A man who was independent and not a dick

OP - please stop enabling this child.

GiveHerHellFromUs it depends where you live. Where I live most people leave their doors open (as in wide open) in summer if they're in. It's a village with a stable population five miles from the nearest small town in an agricultural (not tourist) area. It sort of is still 30 years ago here . The village football club gets crates of beer and soft drinks delivered midweek and they're left sitting out still untouched when someone arrives to put them away on Saturday...

Doesn't mean anyone's incapable of letting themselves in with their key when the door is closed though.

Most people have doors which lock themselves when actually closed IMO.

It is a control thing, a hierarchy thing, and you are playing along

@notnowmaybelater What? That’s awful

I am at a complete and utter loss as to why you keep enabling his appalling behaviour by returning home each time he 'forgets' his keys!! He absolutely is not forgetting them...it's a deliberate manipulative act. The fact that you can't see this is quite worrying. Stop! He's a grown man, not a 12 year old! And him turning this into an argument is a sign of things to come...and WILL escalate. I can promise you...this will ramp up over the years until you start actually believing it's your fault...because men like this are masters at deflecting and making you believe this.

He isn't 'forgetting' his keys
This behaviour will carry on until there is a consequence. So far he's only had to wait around for half an hour. If you had just got on a flight and weren't due home for two weeks I bet he wouldn't 'forget' his keys
I agree with Frowning It’s a power play

@notnowmaybelater I want to live where you live!

I'm in a more 'don't park there you might lose your wheels' type area

If he won't 'remember' to take his keys, how likely is it that he will remember to put them in a key safe?
Or will you have to do that for him instead of opening the door?

What would be the point of getting a key safe? He isn't going to remember to put the keys in it.

OP this is all about control. He doesn't remember his keys because he doesn't need to, you are always on hand to let him in. I suggest as others have too that you make it less easy for him. Go out just before he is due home and don't come back for a few hours. Be in the bath or sleeping if you are at home. Turn your phone off, on silent or forget to take it with you.

Does he remember your birthday and any other special days?

I don't think it's a control thing as I've said we are happy in ever other aspect but I do think it's just him disregarding how he inconveniences me when he does it. I think I'm going to not react when he starts to argue with me and just throw the inconvenience back on to him by just not responding. Thanks for all the replies

Honestly a key safe for him for Christmas, the inconvenience to him of having to open it every time....

This would piss me off massively.

He prioritises his laziness and immaturity over whatever your doing = very entitled.

Show him this thread.

This would drive me mad, OP. One of my rellies used to do the same, and now does it with mobile phone. Aargh!

I'd stick a big note on the inside of the door.

"Pick up your keys you selfish gobshite"

He's taking the piss. You know it. He knows it. Stop going home to let him in.

There is no way I would disrupt my day to come back and let him in! Cheeky fucker.

I've locked myself out once and rang DH - then went and sat in a cafe until he was free and able to drop his key to me. No way would I demand he come home immediately - that's just being entitled.

Next time he goes out, run a nice bath or take a nap and ignore ignore ignore. He can wait outside until you've finished what you're doing.

Are you never out when he gets back, if not... just go out, let him wait on the doorstop for an hour or two. I can not believe you put up with this behaviour, you are so young, don’t allow yourself to think this is normal, respectful behaviour between partners.

@Ragwort
He calls her to come home. She should be grateful to do him this regular’favour’ And he doesn’t like waiting it seems.