Partner never takes his keys

[jumper1234]

He will thing me to come home as he's forgotten them again or he'll knock on the door so I have to stop what I'm doing to go and let him in. Tonight he walked the dog and I was hanging curtains and heard him get back so I opened the window and said you'll have to wait if you've forgot your keys as I'm busy. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable but this has been going on for over 5 years and even when I don't rush back right away he says I'm unreasonable to get so angry about it and why can't I just help him and not complain. I don't even know if that makes sense but honestly it drives me mad I have to stop cooking tea etc to go and let him in. So aibu to not want this to continue or should I chill out about it like he says ?

If he lives there, he needs a key to get in. It’s that simple. You are not his servant.
What if you pop out whilst he’s out... I bet you won’t, knowing he hasn’t got his keys.... try it and make a point.

Get a retractable key chain for Christmas and attach it to his coat so he can't ever leave them behind again

And what happens when he wears a different coat or it’s too warm for a coat?

This isn’t a young child who needs their gloves attached to their coat to stop loosing them.

And turning it to an argument. The fool would be told every time it’s his own fault for never remembering keys.
He would be told over the phone. I will be phone when I get there. I’m not changing my plans. Once in a while is doing a favour. This isn’t that.

5 years and you still haven't suddenly remember to pop to the shops, just after he left of course, meet a friend you haven't seen for ages and spend a couple of hours having a good natter in front of a coffee - and came back home a good 3 hours later?

I'd be interested to know how much he contributes to the house? What percentage of the cleaning/cooking/admin does he do? I'm guessing sweet FA, it gets left to OP.

YANBU, OP, obviously. This would drive me absolutely nuts.

Tangentially, in PIL’s house nobody takes keys when they go out; they seem to only have one set between them and they only get taken if you’re the last to leave the house. Even though it’s absolutely nothing to do with me, it drives me mad. To have to ring the bell and be let into your own house as an adult seems really infantilising. My siblings and I were all given our own set of house keys when we started secondary school and it was a real feeling of independence.

Mine does this too, and if I'm too far away he'll call the kids or even has been know to call our cleaner to let him in. I have now put house key on all of the cars keys so whichever he's in he should have a key.

It's a power play. What a prick. He wants 'his woman' to come running at the drop of a hat.

Call his bluff - get a key safe.

Is he under 21? Not old enough to have 'the key to the door'?
Does he have a car? Needs to attach house key to car keys, therefore cannot go out without it.

Oh you have a toy boy?? Cause you are not going to tell us he is much older than 12 are you?

Don't get angry, don't argue, let him get on with taking a little responsability himself.

If you're in what is the issue? I think people read far too much into it

Basically, what he's demonstrating is that your time is so worthless that it doesn't matter if he repeatedly interrupts you or makes you drive home to open the door. His time, by contrast, is so precious that he cannot waste a minute getting his key before he leaves the house.

If you're in what is the issue? I think people read far too much into it

What if OP were in the bath or shower? Or was in bed ill? Why should she have to get up every time to let him in?

5 years? OP, are you sure this relationship is worth it?

If you're in what is the issue? I think people read far too much into it

And when she’s out and he calls her to let him in?
Never mind doing anything in the house.

My Exh used to do this either forget keys or take both sets with him supposedly by mistake. So I was stuck in the house enable to lock the main door. It's all about showing who's the boss in his mind.
He saw me as his housekeeper and thought himself far more superior!
They come across as so bloody arrogant with it.

Get this and if he forgets number or loses it, bin him, entitled ignorant arse!

This is just like the cup on the sink not in the dish washer, he’s far to important to take the 10 seconds to pick up his keys on the way out knowing OP will stop what’s she’s doing, or even just get up if having a rest to let him in because he’s more important.

Id start forgetting my keys when I went out and make him get up to answer the door. “Oh dear forgetting keys must be catching”. See how annoying he finds it.

We get on in every other aspect but this is A real big bare I'm not sure it is intentional but I just think he needs to grow up a bit (we are 23 and 24) so not that young.

Think my plan is to get a key safe and just ignore the door till he gets the message

Key safe for Christmas. Keys kept in safe on a fixed chain that's long enough to reach the door so he doesn't take the key out then forget to put it back in the safe.

Thing is I have left him for over an hour before and he turns it into an argument of how I can't ever help him when he needs.

It takes two people to have an argument.

You could leave him for an hour repeatedly. You could make him travel to you to borrow your keys then bring them back. You could have a mental rule that you always always inconvenience him if he doesn't take his keys. Pop out for milk. Go for a little walk. Have terrible constipation which means you are on the loo. Listen to audiobooks on headphones so you don't hear the doorbell. Don't check messages when you are out.

If he moans you can eye roll and ignore. Or you could agree with him "Yes, that's right, I won't come running every time you need something."

Even if you do get drawn into an argument each time, so what? Have a bloody argument each time.

I'd leave every time he was out, and not come back for a couple of hours. Or, take a nap, or be otherwise indisposed.

If it's really a power thing, you could get one of those locks that read your thumbprint. He's unlikely to leave the house without his thumbs, and he'd have on excuse to disturb you.

At 23/24 don't start being the person responsible for fixing his easily soluble problems. At the very most tell him to get a bloody key safe. Do not do it for him. Just stop being his butler, let him decide how to fix his problem himself, it's not like it is crazy hard to think of solutions so only a key genius like you can think of them.

If it's really a power thing, you could get one of those locks that read your thumbprint. He's unlikely to leave the house without his thumbs

Go out, leave your phone at home (I’d find this very difficult!). He’s lazy and selfish.