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Original poster

Partner never takes his keys

215 replies

jumper1234 · 02/12/2019 20:34

He will thing me to come home as he's forgotten them again or he'll knock on the door so I have to stop what I'm doing to go and let him in. Tonight he walked the dog and I was hanging curtains and heard him get back so I opened the window and said you'll have to wait if you've forgot your keys as I'm busy. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable but this has been going on for over 5 years and even when I don't rush back right away he says I'm unreasonable to get so angry about it and why can't I just help him and not complain. I don't even know if that makes sense but honestly it drives me mad I have to stop cooking tea etc to go and let him in. So aibu to not want this to continue or should I chill out about it like he says ?

OP posts:
bowtieandheels · 02/12/2019 21:59

I had an ex who did this, it was very controlling behaviour....basically I had to stop what I was doing to deal with getting him into the house. So not ok! That's why he's an ex.

MistyCloud · 02/12/2019 21:59

@jumper1234

Yeah he is being a pillock, but how come the door is ALWAYS locked, when you are in?

Just leave the door unlocked!

Original poster
jumper1234 · 02/12/2019 22:02

We have an old Yale and mortise lock so it just shuts automatically unless I specifically leave the latch on which sometimes I do but if I go to bed or am in the kitchen at the back I would rather it be more securely shut

OP posts:
Petrichor11 · 02/12/2019 22:03

How utterly selfish of him!

It used to annoy me as a teenager when my sister regularly forgot her keys, and she wasn’t even doing it on purpose. A grown adult who refused to take their keys ever and would always rather disturb you is a waste of bloody space!

Sparklfairy · 02/12/2019 22:03

misty if it's a Yale it will self lock and need a key i may have locked myself out once or twice

Span1elsRock · 02/12/2019 22:03

Stop enabling him to do it.

ThomasRichard · 02/12/2019 22:08

You’re 23/24! FFS you are not his mother and if he wants you to act like it then run for the hills!

TowelNumber42 · 02/12/2019 22:12

Him starting an argument to deflect from something that is 100% his fault is a big red flag. What happens other times when he makes a mistake?

MistyCloud · 02/12/2019 22:20

Oh sorry @jumper1234 We haven't had a yale lock since the late 1980s!

So I didn't think of that.

(Thanks@Sparklfairy too)

Can you get a new door/new lock? So it's one that can be left unlocked when you're in?

User67836 · 02/12/2019 22:24

m.youtube.com/watch?v=PFMLD6SonZg

Key safes are not hard to crack

TowelNumber42 · 02/12/2019 22:29

Where I lived at 23 I always made sure the door was locked.

Don't be finding solutions for this! He is a grown man. He can find a solution to constantly forgetting his keys. It's not a bizarre thing for him to have to work out for himself. Stop opening the door. He will work out how to remember his keys, like everyone else manages.

Do not problem solve situations that should be well within a grown man's competence to resolve.

TowelNumber42 · 02/12/2019 22:32

How about instead of her buying a key safe, he remembers to take his keys?

How about instead of having a go at her when she's slow to open up for him, he apologises and takes steps to remember his keys, fit a key safe, whatever?

Are these crazy ideas? Man expected to sort out own minor issues without inconveniencing a woman, no?

PlutoAjder · 02/12/2019 22:38

Him starting an argument to deflect from something that is 100% his fault is a big red flag

This. With bells on.

Is he controlling & undermining you in other ways op?

TokenGinger · 02/12/2019 22:44

@MistyCloud

Just leave the door unlocked!

That's terrible advice! You obviously live in a very lovely area if you're able to leave your doors unlocked. My area isn't even a bad area, but there's been plenty of opportunists across the city who have just opened peoples' front doors, held knives up to the occupiers and demanded money/car keys/ransacked the house etc.

People should not leave their doors unlocked if they are home!

Parahebe · 02/12/2019 23:02

YANBU.
My OH was terrible about this and it drove me nuts. I would be about to leave the house and notice he hadn't taken his keys so if I went out he wouldn't be able to get in. Obviously if this happened once a year it wouldn't be an issue, but it was several times a week, and I felt like I was his housekeeper waiting in to open the door.

It was resolved over a few months when I just ignored the key amnesia. I would go out for an hour without my phone (or ignore messages) and find OH sitting outside waiting to be let in. Once I went up for a bath in the afternoon, and came down an hour later to find OH waiting outside, thinking I'd gone out (he'd been texting but my phone was downstairs). I think that was the last time key amnesia struck.

Basically you have to make this much more inconvenient for HIM than it is for you. If he constantly makes this mistake, he constantly gets inconvenienced. He will then magically remember his keys.

Fr0g · 02/12/2019 23:15

Get a retractable key chain for Christmas and attach it to his coat so he can't ever leave them behind again!

and while your at it, some mittens on elastic to thread through his coat sleeves.
He might get the message that he's acting like a child.

ffswhatnext · 02/12/2019 23:29

other than ignoring him I don't understand why people are suggesting she buy things like key safes.
What about when he constantly forgets milk from the shop. Or taking the bin out?
Oh, I forgot, like many out there she ends up doing it instead.

Amazing how he can manage to wipe his arse. Or get to work on time.

thecalmorchid · 02/12/2019 23:33

We have a key safe in our porch. Ideal way of having one key and giving people access to the key easily.

Problem solved for very little effort. He's in a habit and won't change his ways without a push.

@JKScot4 put a picture of the key safe up. It's this one.

Runnerduck34 · 02/12/2019 23:35

Wow fudge I was going to suggest the same thing,key safe for Xmas is the way to go, as long as he remembers to.put the keys back in that is!
What would happen if you were out? Perhaps you should be out more often ???

ffswhatnext · 03/12/2019 00:06

@Runnerduck34
When the op goes out, he calls her to come back.
If he leaves him waiting an hour or more, it's her problem and she should be grateful for doing him a favour.

Hence I don't understand why people are suggesting the op fixes it. This just reinforces what he's been saying all along, that he is correct.
She sorts this thing out this time, what about the next thing?

So many females make excuses for why their men cannot do things they should be fully capable of doing. And it's easy to see why, when the general consensus is that the woman sorts it out to make life easier.

lisag1969 · 03/12/2019 00:23

Give him his keys before he leaves.

Inertia · 03/12/2019 00:34

He's certainly figured out a way to keep you in line , hasn't he? Lord and master arrives at the door, you stop what you're doing to tend to his needs, like you're the staff.

If you try to go out and do anything independently, he calls you back to him. And you'd best not complain about it - know your place, and do as you're told, else he'll pick a fight.

Does he like to test you or show you who's boss in other ways, or is this the only issue? If it's a power issue there's no point in getting key safes etc, because he will find another way to keep you in check. If he's otherwise a good partner and is just being a pain in the arse over this, then you need to do what a previous poster suggested - be out and uncontactable for a couple of hours, and shift the inconvenience back to him.

SlothOfSluggishness · 03/12/2019 00:39

Can you really imagine spending the rest of your life with this twonk?

AnybodyWantAChip · 03/12/2019 00:44

Put your headphones on, bop away to some music and you can say in all honesty you did not hear him ring the door bell.

ffswhatnext · 03/12/2019 00:46

Give him his keys before he leaves

🤣 🤣 🤣 this cannot be a serious suggestion.

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