Can't believe I'm even posting this. Christmas dinner highchair'gate'

[Nobhobs]

Spending Christmas with DH, DS and the in laws. We're weaning DS so mentioned in passing bringing his high chair so he can sit with us during Christmas dinner (if he's not napping or anything like that) he's very alert and active and gets arsey if not being entertained. He loves being in his high chair and round the table and it's his first Christmas so we're a bit excited (yes I know he worn remember it)

MIL has said we can't bring his highchair, as her other sons baby will only be 8 weeks old and can't sit in one and we can't leave out one of the babies on Christmas Day. I laughed thinking it was a bad joke, but no, deadly serious.

We sort of ignored and thought we'd deal with it on the day, but had a text from 8 week olds mum saying that MIL had told her we were going to try and leave her child out and that she's not happy about it. Her baby will be the only one not in the Christmas dinner photos if we bring our highchair I said well obviously baby can be held up in the photos if that's what's upsetting you, DS is at the age where he doesn't just nap constantly and wants to be involved and entertained and it's nothing to do with leaving her child out.

It's totally ridiculous and DH is now saying just to leave the highchair at home to avoid drama. I've never had any issues with the in laws before and I'm mind blown by how stupid this is. Or am I BU? Is this a thing?! If one babies on the floor they all have to be??

This is honestly one of the most insane things I have read. You need to put your foot down as I suspect this is a sign of things to come. Either take the high chair or don't go. They are absolutely ridiculous.

Bring the high chair, and a muslin square. When the cameras come out, drape the sheet over your baby. When people ask wtf the weird cloth-draped apparition is at the table, explain that it was considered odd to have a baby at the table.

This is ludicrous.

I’d change your plans and go to your parents so that your baby is welcome at the Christmas dinner table.

Once she was able to sit up and eat DD was in the high chair at the table for any meal. It’s not just about food; it’s a social occasion too.

We all have ideas about how our baby’s first Christmas will be. Don’t let your in laws spoil it.

OhGod. Stay home and let them get on with it.

Either that or (if you really have to go) sit your baby on your knee and eat together at the dinner table.

Stupid people.

Do not do what the posters suggest in taking high chair and leaving in the car. Or not taking it. Don’t play stupid games. Just say no.

And having a 6 month old on your lap for a meal is a disaster. I took DS to a wedding at 8months and there was no high chair for him. Lots of attempts to grab cutlery, grab hot food, pull tablecloth off, ruin display items and obviously wriggle off my lap: high chairs are necessary for a civilised meal. Your in-laws, from the sounds of it, aren’t.

OP PLEASE either 1) take the high chair or 2) don’t go! Their request is SO unreasonable that I’m furious on your behalf ... I’ve become really emotionally invested in this thread and it will honestly ruin my Christmas if you back down to them 😂 I can’t believe they expect a 6 month old to ‘play nicely’ with an 8 week old. And why should you not get to sit and eat with your baby on his first Christmas? And how is he supposed to eat? Holding him at the table will be inconvenient and annoying, but more importantly you’ll be setting a precedent for your MIL and SIL that it’s okay to make ridiculous demands and tell you what’s to do regarding YOUR son. She might have been a nice MIL up to now but kids do change family dynamics and you don’t want to end up with a MIL who thinks it’s okay to dictate like this. I don’t see why SIL or MIL can’t just hold the 8 week old at the table if it’s SO important to them that he’s not the only one left out of Christmas dinner photos I hope your MIL sees your thread in the Sun and reads these responses and realizes how ridiculous she’s being!

Um, why on earth are you not going to your parents anyway when PIL already have one grandchild to share their first Christmas with?!

This one is so easy. You stick to your guns, and do yourself the BIG favour of setting the tone now. MIL doesn't get to decide what happens with your baby's care. Not ever. It doesn't suit? Fine, we won't be able to come if you are going to not be able to accommodate how the baby is cared for.

And the notion that she is already being given the honour of you coming to her rather than your parents, and is then telling you that your 6 month old will have to be put on the floor... oh dear.

Just say on second thoughts we'd be more comfortable at my parents as they're happy with us, the parents, caring for the baby the way we want to.

This is the point where you set the tone going forward, so I strongly suggest you do it. No threats, no arguments. A simple and polite 'No, that's not a decision for anyone but us, the baby's care isn't up for discussion.' The end, and if there is any more resistance, you simply do not go, and you stick to it.

If you do this even once, you will undoubtedly find the way forward is far, far smoother with much less interference, once they learn that you won't indulge, you won't let them boss, and if they try you'll just remove yourself and the baby from the whole thing.

Give the in-laws a highchair to keep at their house for a Christmas present?

This is by far the best idea on the thread

If you do this even once, you will undoubtedly find the way forward is far, far smoother with much less interference, once they learn that you won't indulge, you won't let them boss, and if they try you'll just remove yourself and the baby from the whole thing.

^This
because they are relying on the fact that you won't want to make a scene because you are a nice person and they can therefore get their own way. I've taken years and years to learn that I don't have to give in to others if it's not in my best interests. I can state politely that whatever it is isn't acceptable to me so I won't be doing it. End of discussion. People don't like it particularly because these type of people are used to being able to boss others around.

I used to be frightened of people being angry with me etc. What used to happen is I would put up with so much shit and then after months or years of nonsense I'd explode and then feel terrible about shouting at someone. I've learned now just to say straight away in a calm manner.
Someone else doesn't like it? Tough shit.

Just tell them you will be staying at home or going to your parents as the arrangements on offer (baby crawling around a floor- how ridiculous) don't work for you. Tell your DH the same thing. The time to stop years of IL meddling and nonsense is now and DH needs to get on board with you or ship out.

Please PLEASE just say fuck this shit and go to your parents instead!

"Thanks for the invite, but DS needs to eat so we'll be going to my parents this year"

Take the high road.
Do NOT take the high chair.
Do not be without a high chair.
Have a high old time with your parents.
It’s high time your mil and sil saw sense !
Could understand if your sil has post natal depression or similar but even taken at its highest I can’t for the life of me understand your mil enabling her highly bonkers behaviour.
High ho high ho - it’s off to mums we go. Etc etc.

Mum’s - forgot the high- phen.

The other baby can be worn in a sling if it needs to be at the table. I manage to eat very easily with a baby in a fabric sling (£12.00 off Amazon). Also I've been looking at lots of high chairs online this week (DS is getting one for Christmas) and I have come across a couple that are suitable from newborn, so they could get a high chair of their own.

What?! They are aware that an 8 week old cant actually comprehend the feeling of “being left out” dont they? Nevermind the fact that you need to feed your son something so why not dinner with everyone else?!

“Oh no problem we won’t bring the highchair. In fact we won’t be bringing anything or anyone at all if that’s the way you want things. Enjoy your meal!”

Go to your parents op, where your DS will be treated like a human, not a dog.

"Away in a high chair
no seat for our kid,
so he sat on my lap
'til I flipped my lid.

The precious 8 week old
could not take their place,
so the older one roamed,
food all over their face.

So next year, dear family,
we'll stay on our own,
when golden grandchild
can sit high on their throne"

Take the highchair. Laugh at any comments they make. Don't go back next year.

Just change your plans now and go to your parents.

They want a member of the family to sit on the floor through Christmas dinner. Screw that.

Away in a high chair is brilliant!

Away in a high chair

Amazing!

Silly to go this year then not next.

Away in a high chair

Away in a highchair for xmas no.1

Take the highchair!

If you don't you're letting them know that they can make these ridiculous demands of you and that'll you'll follow them. If they say you can't put it up leave cos they're being utterly stupid!