Can't believe I'm even posting this. Christmas dinner highchair'gate'

[Nobhobs]

Spending Christmas with DH, DS and the in laws. We're weaning DS so mentioned in passing bringing his high chair so he can sit with us during Christmas dinner (if he's not napping or anything like that) he's very alert and active and gets arsey if not being entertained. He loves being in his high chair and round the table and it's his first Christmas so we're a bit excited (yes I know he worn remember it)

MIL has said we can't bring his highchair, as her other sons baby will only be 8 weeks old and can't sit in one and we can't leave out one of the babies on Christmas Day. I laughed thinking it was a bad joke, but no, deadly serious.

We sort of ignored and thought we'd deal with it on the day, but had a text from 8 week olds mum saying that MIL had told her we were going to try and leave her child out and that she's not happy about it. Her baby will be the only one not in the Christmas dinner photos if we bring our highchair I said well obviously baby can be held up in the photos if that's what's upsetting you, DS is at the age where he doesn't just nap constantly and wants to be involved and entertained and it's nothing to do with leaving her child out.

It's totally ridiculous and DH is now saying just to leave the highchair at home to avoid drama. I've never had any issues with the in laws before and I'm mind blown by how stupid this is. Or am I BU? Is this a thing?! If one babies on the floor they all have to be??

Ds at 11 months sat in his high chair to Christmas dinner, my mum served his dinner as she was putting everything in serving dishes, he had finished eating by the time we had all sat down, I gave him a bottle, once he had finished it & had his tray wiped & cleared, I gave him his dummy, comfort blanket & cuddly toy, 5 minutes later, he was snoring, i reclined his chair & we ate dinner in peace.

I think this is actually the most insane "Xmas at the in laws" AIBU ever.

Reminds me of the one about the MIL who gave such tiny portions of food that OP drove out for takeaway!

Some great suggestions. I'd laugh and say you must be joking MIL/SIL, change the topic, take the high chair and brazen it out.

I would ask them where they propose that you feed him given that he needs spoon feeding and you cannot possibly manage that whilst he's sat on your knee. Or propose that you take a picnic blanket so you can sit on the floor and actually feed your baby his flipping lunch. Perhaps suggest that they all join you on the floor lest they feel left out! I could understand it if there was insufficient room at the table, or if they were hoping that both babies would be having a nap so that you can all eat in peace, but things rarely go to plan so you might as well be prepared for all eventualities. I suspect that you are right. The grandparents don't want either at the table. In fact, I bet that your mil is driving all of this rather than your sil. Have you spoken to her direct re differing needs at different stages. Honestly though, you'd just be better off at home.

YANBU. This is nuts.
Not sure what age your DS is. We used to bring a portable cloth chair belt / harness (google it). They'd loose the plot altogether with this if you sat him at the dinner table

I would just say thanks for the Christmas invite but you want your son to enjoy the first Christmas dinner that he is able to eat and you want the memories of experiencing that with him, so if they don’t want him at the table you’re happy to either cook at home or go to your mums then pop by afterwards for a short while and leave it open

MsTSwift
Similar cluelessness when dh grandfather and younger brother eye rolled and had a “youth of today” moan at dds lack of manners in not thanking bil for a present. She was 9 months old.

Well it's obvious you've not taught your DD any manners at all! Nine months is plenty old enough to send a hand written thank you note and thank someone for a gift

Honestly, these people must be seriously hard of thinking.

That is the maddest thing I've ever read on here - your MIL and SIL sound insane.

Mil does know she has grandchildren not grandpuppys doesn't she? Of course a 6 month old should be at the table.

Get a bumbo with a tray, remove MiL's poinsetta and candle centre piece and plop DS in the centre of the table.

Why do people put up with stupid crap like this. Just tell them you are having Xmas at home this year and they can pop over during the Xmas period if they like. It’s just one day, don’t put up with nonsense.

when did you decide to go there and not your parents

Id just say sorry not coming my parents want to actually see their GC at xmas

Go to your mum'S, OP.

Hopefully SiL will apologise in 4 months time, when she understands what a 6 month old is like...

Idiots.

I haven’t read all 23 pages but I’m guessing “fuck that for a game of soldiers” was the thrust of it.

I'm speechless, at OP's InLaws

screw them, and go to your own Parents as you suggested OP. Your InLaws at CRAZY.

I've said we either bring the high chair or not go, my parents would love to spend DS first Christmas with him and they will, you know, actually allow him to eat. So.. we will see. My in laws seemed perfectly sane for the last 8 years... babies obviously bringing out the worst in them!

Go to your parents then. It seems silly to go there when your in laws are treating you like shit for having a baby who is developmentally and ageing ahead of their baby.
Spend it with your parents.

My response about being able to hold 8 week up in photos of that's the only issue was met with "there's no need for one baby to be at the table when they can both play nicely on the floor. Everyone's happy then"

Everyone's happy? Who the hell is ever unhappy about a baby who can be in a highchair because they're that age being there ahead of one who isn't?

Honestly, never heard such nonsense in my life. It's drama for dramas sake, and they're just trying to make you feel bad. They sound like nasty, petty people. To phone you up and say you are excluding a baby, only for wanting to bring a highchair. I just, I've nothing I can say.....

I would definitely stick to your guns on this. Sounds like Christmas at your parents would be the best bet. Where and how does mil plan for your baby to eat? I'd love to know their reply to that one.

When is he going to eat then? Or are they proposing he doesn't get to eat as you won't have his high chair? Absolutely crazy. Stick to your guns.

Well, if they allow OP's baby to eat, it will be excluding their other baby grandson, so I doubt they'll allow him to eat anything.

You'll probably have to tie him down when he's up and walking and the other one can't walk yet too.

Honestly.......

I think you have to play this one very straight and say then it's either at yours or your parents, not the ILs'.

If you tell them you're coming only on condition that you bring the high chair, they may say OK but they'll be sarky and passive aggressive all day, and the atmosphere will be awful.

If you just take the high chair anyway, then however batshit you'll be the ones in the wrong and they won't give in on a fait accompli, WW3 will break out instead. Not good at any time, let alone Christmas Day.

If you say you'll forego the high chair but everyone will have to take turns holding DS, what if they simply say no? Or if he's crying (which he will be, being passed around and not properly part of lunch), you'll want to be the one to take him and comfort him.

This is crunch time for your DH, and it's not even a choice between you and his mother. It's between his own child and his mother. Who is he going to put first?

As PPs have said, this is just the first time and SIL's baby is only 8 weeks. You have along time ahead of you of this sort of batshittery if you don't make a firm stand now. And DH HAS to be on the same page.

This kind of thing boils my piss. Go to your parents and sod em!

Oh dear God, please go to your parents and tell.them.exactly why.
It's your Christmas too and you deserve to enjoy your first one as a mum.

Tell your inlaws you will not be compromislng, your child sits in the highchair and if it is such a big problem then you will stay at home and have a relaxing time without their whinging.
Has the other baby mama post natal depression ? Sounds mega jealous.

Just to let you know OP that this has made The Sun website. A friend of mine just sent me a link, she thinks your IL's are nuts!

I think your PiL may have forgotten why we have Christmas in the first place: it was never an adults only affair! Suggestions about babies being left on the floor to 'play' (at their ages?!) or 'sit in another room' (unsupervised?!) seem to indicate they've lost the plot.

Have you ever seen family photos of DH and his DB at their first Christmases? Now might be a good time to ask.

8 weeks? He’ll probably be asleep most of the time

Time for you to make an executive decision. Tell DH you're not spending Christmas Day with people who are deliberately unwelcoming towards your DS. Why did you decide to go there anyway instead of your parents? Spend it with your parents instead. And show your DH this thread. He needs to realise how batshit his parents and SIL are.