Can't believe I'm even posting this. Christmas dinner highchair'gate'

[Nobhobs]

Spending Christmas with DH, DS and the in laws. We're weaning DS so mentioned in passing bringing his high chair so he can sit with us during Christmas dinner (if he's not napping or anything like that) he's very alert and active and gets arsey if not being entertained. He loves being in his high chair and round the table and it's his first Christmas so we're a bit excited (yes I know he worn remember it)

MIL has said we can't bring his highchair, as her other sons baby will only be 8 weeks old and can't sit in one and we can't leave out one of the babies on Christmas Day. I laughed thinking it was a bad joke, but no, deadly serious.

We sort of ignored and thought we'd deal with it on the day, but had a text from 8 week olds mum saying that MIL had told her we were going to try and leave her child out and that she's not happy about it. Her baby will be the only one not in the Christmas dinner photos if we bring our highchair I said well obviously baby can be held up in the photos if that's what's upsetting you, DS is at the age where he doesn't just nap constantly and wants to be involved and entertained and it's nothing to do with leaving her child out.

It's totally ridiculous and DH is now saying just to leave the highchair at home to avoid drama. I've never had any issues with the in laws before and I'm mind blown by how stupid this is. Or am I BU? Is this a thing?! If one babies on the floor they all have to be??

Hold your ground OP, don’t be swayed if your DH opposes your position.
I don’t agree that you should “just take the high chair” - who wants that potential shit-show on Christmas Day? Also, I think the host can set rules in their own home, but if they are ludicrous rules, like this one, they haven’t a leg to stand on if their invited guests decline.

Just don’t go, and explain why you won’t be going.
I can’t believe SIL followed MIL’s lead. They are both barking.

Be firm with your DH. Is DS invited to lunch? No? then lunch will be at home. Yes? Then DS needs somewhere practical and safer for the table contents to sit. Don't engage with the batshit Mil nor SIL your husbands problem.

Bonkers!

People - the 'SIL' isn't MIL's daughter but the wife/ partner of her 'other son'.

Do you know what? Just don’t bother with any of the stress. 6 mo babies are gorgeous and amazing and delightful, particularly when their needs are met and they are not sidelined to the floor for the sake of convenience or oneupmanahip. 6mo grandchildren should be that x1million.

You MIL doesn’t care enough about your baby to meet his needs. Just do your own thing with your own parents or at home.

My MIL would have had a fit if I had suggested that her darling grandchildren rolled around on the floor for Christmas dinner while we all sat down and ate and tried to ignore them!

Wow no words for how batshit this is. Please dont give in!

Goodness me.

So your MIL/SIL are trying to dictate where and how your baby will eat.

I'm so tolerant but really.

I wouldn't have this.

You wish to dine with your baby and not entertain the ridiculous demands of mil and Sil.

I would tell your husband in no uncertain terms that he can dine where he likes but you will be with your baby in your parents or at home if he wishes to stay. End of.

Honestly, utterly Batshit.

But as it definitely sounds as if your MIL is stirring it. You have been warned.

I utterly believe in starting as you wish to go.

Don't even get upset.

"Thanks but we'll be eating together at my parents, and will catch up with ye over the holidays".

Start as you mean to go. And that goes for your husband 🙄

there's no need for one baby to be at the table when they can both play nicely on the floor. Everyone's happy then"

"I'm afraid, SIL, that DS isn't 8 weeks old any more. He's 6 months now and past that stage. He is mobile now (assuming he is!) so we couldn't safely leave him on the floor without one of us being with him. He is also weaned and is used to sitting in his highchair with the family to eat his dinner. If we leave him on the floor he's just going to cry to come up to the table. Nobody wants Christmas Dinner to be ruined by him crying"

Oh my. Are these strange people planning on holding back all of the baby’s milestones so that the younger cousin isn’t “excluded”, or are they making a special exception for the season of goodwill and happy families coming together to spread joy and love?

I think either way now you can't really go.

If you go and bring the high chair your batshit SIL will either be seething to herself or actually confront you about it.

If you go and don't take the highchair it will obviously ruin it for you.

I wouldn't use the highchair as a reason as otherwise it will cause bad feeling beyond Christmas but just say that on further reflection you've decided to do X as your needs as new parents with a baby are difficult to fit into everyone else's.

My 8m old would be very unimpressed if we ate dinner without her let alone a normal dinner. I can’t even have a snack without her looking very pissed off with me and wanting to share. There is part of me that thinks you should just go along with it to show how bad an idea it is (but then you’ll have a bad time so don’t!)

“My baby’s needs come first, so see you later you fucking lunatics”

skip away happily to your own, sane parents

If you take a highchair after your MIL has asked you not to then you really run the risk of a very awkward Christmas with her & SIL.
Personally I'd be staying at home or going to my own dp. I couldn't bow down to her ridiculous orders & think you need to stand your ground.
It sounds like she's sorted out her own hierarchy for her dgc & unfortunately your ds is not at the top. Some grandparents just can't stop themselves from doing this & you need to protect your ds from it. I really feel for your dh but you can't go along with her wishes.

No way your DS and the 8 week old will 'play' on the floor. Your ten month old will probably be shuffling /almost crawling and the 8 weeker will still be at the gazing at the ceiling stage

Just, wow. I can't believe this is even an issue! Sorry, I did laugh.

SIL DC will always take priority IME. This is the beginning.

^^

Indeedy

I think it's an excuse. They want a nice dinner without a baby playing with food and throwing it. I can see their point really.

Yabvvu, how horrible of you to try and leave a baby out of Christmas in such a manner.

In the spirit of inclusivity, I propose you spend the day lying on the floor, shitting yourselves periodically. Anything else is just not fair on the little one.

Bonkers

What 8 week old is “playing” on the floor? Do the mean sleeping not aware of their surroundings?

I think tomorrow you should let your DS crawl around on the floor whilst you have a meal, let him get grizzly then ask your DH how he plans to handle that on Christmas day.#Some people learn by doing some people learn from knowing.

I always thought Christmas was family and enjoying each other. Babies would love being with family eating and sharing a good time. Go to your mom's house, these people are nuts.

They’re insane. I wouldn’t go.

Your baby is going to be “ahead” of his wee cousin for at least a few years anyway. Your SIL is going to end up even more unhinged if she keeps being such a prick

I think that you should go to your parents and then both sets get a babies first Christmas, than your ILs having two babies first Christmases

Take the high chair but leave it in the car. Halfway through the meal, when MIL is crying because your DC has tipped over the gravy boat AGAIN, whip it out with a Ta DA flourish.