Can't believe I'm even posting this. Christmas dinner highchair'gate'

[Nobhobs]

Spending Christmas with DH, DS and the in laws. We're weaning DS so mentioned in passing bringing his high chair so he can sit with us during Christmas dinner (if he's not napping or anything like that) he's very alert and active and gets arsey if not being entertained. He loves being in his high chair and round the table and it's his first Christmas so we're a bit excited (yes I know he worn remember it)

MIL has said we can't bring his highchair, as her other sons baby will only be 8 weeks old and can't sit in one and we can't leave out one of the babies on Christmas Day. I laughed thinking it was a bad joke, but no, deadly serious.

We sort of ignored and thought we'd deal with it on the day, but had a text from 8 week olds mum saying that MIL had told her we were going to try and leave her child out and that she's not happy about it. Her baby will be the only one not in the Christmas dinner photos if we bring our highchair I said well obviously baby can be held up in the photos if that's what's upsetting you, DS is at the age where he doesn't just nap constantly and wants to be involved and entertained and it's nothing to do with leaving her child out.

It's totally ridiculous and DH is now saying just to leave the highchair at home to avoid drama. I've never had any issues with the in laws before and I'm mind blown by how stupid this is. Or am I BU? Is this a thing?! If one babies on the floor they all have to be??

On a more serious note, I see worrying dynamics with your DH and his family, and imagine he's been conditioned over many years (all his life) to avoid the wrath of his M and will do anything to keep the peace. Staying away would be preferable but I doubt that would be the easy option for him as he knows what it will entail. Your SiL has taken on a role to protect herself as well.

yes @proggyMat

craycray MIL has two sons, one is with the OP, and father of the highchair child and the other is father of a Baby Who Must Not Be Left Out.

MIL has also whipped mother of BWMNBLO to a frenzy so she is now accusing OP of deliberately excluding said baby

I would just not go to this dinner tbh...stay at home, leave them be and have your first christmas at home with your wee munchkin dabbling to his heart's content in a highchair tray full of gravy and sprouts

Well this is batshit.

So I would go with two options.

1. DH holds DS the entire time seeing as he thinks you should leave the highchair at home. If DH needs to get up, second in line is MIL. Not you, you’re eating your dinner.

1. Tell DH he can go by himself and you and DS will have Christmas somewhere else where he is welcome.

@MoreToEatMoreToDrink
Thank you!
RTT I thought other posters thought the text from SIL was from the OP’s DH’s sister.
I’ve obviously become way too invested

They're crazy enough to not be bothered about telling you your child can't sit in his bloody high chair so dont hold back and tell them they're crazy and you will be, unless they want to hold him through they're full dinner.

Tell MIL you are bringing a booster seat or one of those clamp-to-the-table seats.

I can't actually believe I just read that

YA-DEFINITELY-NBU

So what is your child supposed to do whilst you enjoy Christmas dinner? Or do you just have to attend to your child and then be left out of the 'photos'.

Their whole argument sounds ridiculous

They are nuts, you are not. Happy Christmas and enjoy your gorgeous son !

Bloody hell. How ridiculous. Just turn up with it.

madness-I wouldn’t go

Laurie
Cheers!
Exactly the OP should not go and the ‘whipping into a frenzy’ of the other brother’s wife needs to be either addressed by the OP’s DH, if not directly but borne in mind over future ‘family get togethers’
Jeez- toxic

Could it that it’s more about MIL wanting an adults only Christmas dinner. Her view might be little ones as disruptive and she wants the event to be smooth running without having potential interruptions by a crying toddler. I think her saying she doesn’t want 8 wk being left out is a smoke screen.

I’d be staying home and creating my own traditions. Merry Christmas whatever you do.

I would also go with we don't have phones/cameras at the dinner table as its rude.

Could it be ...

Another vote for not going. At the very least it's going to be awkward ignoring their affront at fuck all.

Would love to see how this pans out though. Will babysitting be timed to the exact second incase one baby gets 5 seconds too much time with granny than the other one? Cake slices cut and weighed so no one gets an extra crumb?

My PIL are here at the moment, I think they’re PITA but then I read things like this.......so I’m guessing he’s 6 month + I have they said wtf they expect you to do with him whilst you’re eating dinner?!? I’d ask them what they suggest?!

Simple solution, no photos at dinner, nice photos round the tree later 👍🏻

To answer some questions, DH has said to leave the highchair at home to avoid drama and said he'll hold DS if he gets upset and wants to sit at the table.

MIL has said the babies can be on the floor next to the table either in bouncer or on play mat. I know DS will have no interest in being on the floor if we're not actively playing with him, so we will inevitably have to hold him, so he'll be at the table anyway. So why on earth would we not bring the high chair.

I've said we either bring the high chair or not go, my parents would love to spend DS first Christmas with him and they will, you know, actually allow him to eat. So.. we will see. My in laws seemed perfectly sane for the last 8 years... babies obviously bringing out the worst in them!

"Oh we've just realised that we're double-booked..."

My response about being able to hold 8 week up in photos of that's the only issue was met with "there's no need for one baby to be at the table when they can both play nicely on the floor. Everyone's happy then" ... except my DS who won't be? And then everyone else as we listen to him scream? I don't want to be all no he's my precious firstborn he can't be on the floor, but I don't see why he should be.

"I've said we either bring the high chair or not go,"

What did your DH say?

@Nobhobs - please go to your parents. You’ve already said they’d love to spend it with your baby. Nip this in the bud pronto. I’m not confrontational at all but they really can’t get away with this. They can look back on photos of 1/2 their grandchildren this Christmas and come to their senses!

You know what to wrap dh for Xmas.
2 balls.

An 8 week old isn't going to be playing with anyone, they are insane

there's no need for one baby to be at the table when they can both play nicely on the floor. Everyone's happy then" ... except my DS who won't be?

A just weaned baby and an 8 week old to play nicely? Batshit indeed. Stand firm OP!