Can't believe I'm even posting this. Christmas dinner highchair'gate'

[Nobhobs]

Spending Christmas with DH, DS and the in laws. We're weaning DS so mentioned in passing bringing his high chair so he can sit with us during Christmas dinner (if he's not napping or anything like that) he's very alert and active and gets arsey if not being entertained. He loves being in his high chair and round the table and it's his first Christmas so we're a bit excited (yes I know he worn remember it)

MIL has said we can't bring his highchair, as her other sons baby will only be 8 weeks old and can't sit in one and we can't leave out one of the babies on Christmas Day. I laughed thinking it was a bad joke, but no, deadly serious.

We sort of ignored and thought we'd deal with it on the day, but had a text from 8 week olds mum saying that MIL had told her we were going to try and leave her child out and that she's not happy about it. Her baby will be the only one not in the Christmas dinner photos if we bring our highchair I said well obviously baby can be held up in the photos if that's what's upsetting you, DS is at the age where he doesn't just nap constantly and wants to be involved and entertained and it's nothing to do with leaving her child out.

It's totally ridiculous and DH is now saying just to leave the highchair at home to avoid drama. I've never had any issues with the in laws before and I'm mind blown by how stupid this is. Or am I BU? Is this a thing?! If one babies on the floor they all have to be??

I’d leave them to it! Absolute madness!

OP, your in laws are barking mad!

I liked the idea of SIL’s baby in the Moses basket as the centre piece on the table, just make sure nobody mistakes it for a turkey

No way will the 8 week old baby not demand to be fed as soon as the food is served!

I hope you aren't going to give your baby solid food OP? The other baby might feel left out at only having milk!

DD1 didn't have a high chair for her first Christmas ( at 4 months) but her cousin (11 months) did. You can assure MIL that not only do we have loads of photos of both babies that Chrismas, they are now both 12 and DD doesn't seem to have suffered from the experience!

Did you ask her what she expected you to do with your DS? What did she say when you asked where and how you were supposed to feed him?

I'd honestly say that as you and your family cant be accommodated you'll be staying at home/going elsewhere.

Enjoy your first christmas with your DS!

To the PP who said having a child in a highchair places all attention on the child. Wtf?

I’ve got a toddler, who sits in a high chair and I can keep an eye on food intake and make sure she’s contained and eating properly.
It really does not entail all attention being on the child, leave me and DP able to ear our meal in peace.

This is very odd.

I’d respond with, no worries, my mum wants to have us with baby at hers for Christmas and they’ve bought a highchair especially. So we’ll go there.

Op have you thought of bringing a balaclava for the Christmas table photos so that way we don't actually know who's sitting in the high chair ?

Totally batshit. Just take the highchair and do what you know is right. Ours ALWAYS sat at the table from very small and have been told by stangers in restaurants how amazingly good they are - because we never assumed they would be anything but. Your DS is old enough to sit 'at' the table, baby is still babe in arms, those parents can do what they choose. Pretend to be deaf and act as if you presume they're joking. Good luck!

"Hi MIL, sorry, but change of plans. We won't be coming for Christmas after all. As you know, it's DS's first Christmas and we were really looking forward to enjoying our first Christmas dinner with him. Since this won't be possible at your house for reasons I don't really understand, we will be staying at home and having Christmas dinner as a three instead."

If you don't put your foot down now you'll set a precedent.

Surely he needs a high chair - if you're weaning how are you going to feed him?! He needs something safe to sit in to eat!x

Tell your DH that if he doesn't want to take the high chair he can be responsible for entertaining your child while you eat dinner.

I agree with those saying either you bring the high chair or you’ll stay at home.

@anitagreen

Op have you thought of bringing a balaclava for the Christmas table photos so that way we don't actually know who's sitting in the high chair ?

That's very unfair. OP needs to bring balaclava's for everyone so that nobody feels left out. What if someone is sitting closer to the head of the table then someone else, it might look like that person is getting more attention. Best to hide everyone's identity.

The Christmas photos will be wonderful. Everyone in a black balaclava and Christmas cracker hat. Festive.

I would ask your DH to tell his DM that if her GC is not allowed to bring his high chair, so he can have a meal at the family table, you will spend Christmas Day as a family at home.
Whether your DH wants to address the issue that his DM thinks his brother’s 8 week old baby would be left out in ‘high chair gate’ and has expressed her feelings to her other DIL , is up to him
I certainly would not bounce up on Christmas Day with a high chair after ‘that text’.

I know everyone has already said it but they are BONKERS

Point out to both MIL and SIL that as far as you are concerned this isn’t a competition and you are sorry they appear to feel it is. Your child is happier in the high chair and they can feel free to not engage with him and not give him any attention.... or you can just stay at home.

Utter madness, yanbu they are completely bonkers

Man, your SIL is jealous you had the grandchild first!

One of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard! Take the high chair anyway and insist on using it or don’t go.

This is crazy. There is a big difference between an 8 week old and an older baby (you don't give the age in the OP, but I'm assuming over 6 months at any rate). You can't treat an older baby like an almost-newborn. If the ILs are already treating the babies as rivals, and/or Christmas as solely about the pictures, this is worrying. If it was just SIL, I would wonder if maybe she has some degree of PND and is not thinking clearly at present, but it sounds as though MIL is even more extreme. How is DH at dealing with them? If it looks like being stressful, maybe find an excuse to stay at home: babies, especially older babies, can pick up on stress around them, apart from the fact that you don't need the drama either!

I agree completely Batshit!
Follow up with "are you sure about the high chair MIL. Baby is going to make a terrible mess eating dinner crawling round the floor. Are you sure that will be ok?"

The SiL is the OP’s DH’s brother’s partner
Can someone please reassure me that I have read the opening post correctly?

The thing is, as they get older their needs will be approximately the same, there’s only 4 months between them. But right now their ages are very different and as other have said you literally can’t expect a 2 month old and a 6+ month old to be doing the same things or needing the same things.

I am definitely in the “we’ve decided to have Christmas Day just the three of us, we’ll pop over on Boxing Day” camp as a response if she doesn’t relent. I’d give DH one more chance to resolve it though.

@ProggyMat that’s how I read it. DH’s brothers and wife have the 8 week old. MIL has 2 sons and both have a child born this year.

"Fantastic news MIL and SIL - google reclining high chairs suitable from birth! No need for anyone to be left out. Phew how wonderful! See you there!"
Completely nuts but play them at their own game!