..to not want to be gushed over on this board

[saraclara]

I'm no-one's darling or sweetheart. I don't want to be called lovely or a wonderful person by people who don't know me from Adam.
I don't want to be told I'm a fantastic mother by strangers who know about 1% of who I am and what kind of mother I might be.

Why do people do this? There's the world of difference between being supportive and just throwing compliments and soppy terms of endearment around like confetti.

If I post about a problem, I'm hoping that people will consider what I've said (and actually read the OP carefully) then offer an honest opinion or advice with empathy, honesty and PLEASE no self-indulgent sentimentality.

Okay. None of this has happened to me so far, but it drives me nuts to see it on other people's threads. Almost more so than the posts that are over abrupt. It makes me think that the writers are vacuous simpering morons. And I'm pretty certain that telling someone they're a wonderful mother when it's reasonably clear that they actually aren't, is pretty unhelpful.

Oh, and I don't want random strangers kissing me either, thanks.

You really have appointed yourself the thread police, haven’t you OP? Posting this, posting comments on other threads about why you think they shouldn’t have an opinion.
We’re so lucky you’re here.

I find people who use the above language to be uneducated in real life

I'm well edumacated but I do love a good cunty fuck outburst on MN.

I never verbalise the same words, though. They sound awful and in fact I shudder if I hear someone actually say the C word.

Written down on a forum, though..?

Who cares.

Oh for goodness sake- people say it when someone on here has expressed that they're deeply sad or at the end of their tether. Its a way of expressing KINDNESS to someone who is clearly struggling. Is that really so damn hard to understand? Yes, you might not know the person but if a small gesture of kindness makes a sad person's mood lift even a little then what's the bloody problem? Geez. You sound bitter as hell.

Interesting that that makes you angry.

I may have done this to posters who lack any belief in their ability to change their own life. I don't know. I may have say things along the lines of you can do it. And I also know, that back when I believed it was different for everybody else, people telling me I could ''do it'' annoyed me. I felt patronised. I felt they didn't get it.

I voted ''you are not being unreasonable'' because that's how you feel so it's not unreasonable. But it's an interesting one. How to be useful to posters without patronising them when they have negative self-talk and lack belief/self-efficacy

Educated versus non- educated. Now there is a so-called divide that annoys me. It's a bullshitty division. Your course in Folklore thirty years ago doesn't make you more outward thinking, open to change, able to think critically than somebody who did something useful at a tech. It really is the laziest label.

Well, I’d rather people “gushed” than used offensive and outdated words like “moron”.

Back to your cave with you!

@NaturalHighlights you okay hun?? Xox

To be honest @saraclara you don’t need to worry. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you write a post that could in anyway make people want to gush over you

Can’t win on Mumsnet. One minute posters are complaining that people are too harsh and now everyone is too nice?

Maybe other recipients like it?

Educated versus non- educated. Now there is a so-called divide that annoys me
It is ridiculous.
All those superior beins in their high horse looking down on the inferior peasants.
You'd think being educated they'd understand diversity not everyone is the same.
It doesn't give you a prize to be educated, it gives an opportunity to change or become a judgey fecker.

Maybe other recipients like it?

Right? Why, its almost as if people are....gasp different and find different things helpful. WHO KNEW?!

Sometimes, a little bit of kindness from a stranger can go a long way.

Sure, but there is difference between displaying kindness towards someone and gushing all over them, calling them darling, and telling them how absolutely wonderful they are, particularly when it's some anonymous person on an Internet forum.

Then it really is just weird. You can show kindness without the excessive endearments.

I have literally never seen anyone on here "gush": "Hello my darling, I'm sure you are most wonderful person in the world my sweetheart, you are the best parent thats ever existed and I send you all my love because you are simply wonderful hunny bunny xxxxxxxxxxxxxx". Ive never seen this, ever.
Even the OP said it had never happened to her.
If you define "gushing" as telling someone who is struggling that they sound lovely and are doing their best despite difficult or challenging circumstances then fine. I love gushing. So sue me.

You must be new here beautiful stranger because this thread is here for a reason, the ops not imagining it and gushing is very very common.

So you're just angry about how other people respond to posts? Fair doos.

It's just wonderful people being nice. Unusual in this day and age, I know.

xx

There is so much gushing.

Ok, well say it is. Is it not possible to just ignore those comments? If you post on a public forum with internet strangers you ARE going to get responses that maybe you dont like all the time. If it bothers people that much then maybe they should talk about their problems to their friends instead, who are guaranteed to only give them the responses that they want and approve of. I guess it baffles me that out of all the cruelty and ill will that exists in the world anyone would be that bothered by a bit of gushing. When people say "bless you" after someone sneezes, they dont actually mean they think that person needs to be blessed in case the devil takes their soul (what people thought in olden times about sneezing), its just an expression and its really not that deep.

In light of your OP and your subsequent responses, I think there’s little danger of that.

I find people who use the above language to be uneducated in real life

Limited life experience there. I have quite a few degrees, as do my colleagues who all swear when they feel that it helps to makes their point.

PP makes a good point about using the educated thing to look down on others. Not nice and not clever.

"they're just jealous

You forgot bitter - bitter and jealous.

@saraclara I agree with you 100%.