..to not want to be gushed over on this board

[saraclara]

I'm no-one's darling or sweetheart. I don't want to be called lovely or a wonderful person by people who don't know me from Adam.
I don't want to be told I'm a fantastic mother by strangers who know about 1% of who I am and what kind of mother I might be.

Why do people do this? There's the world of difference between being supportive and just throwing compliments and soppy terms of endearment around like confetti.

If I post about a problem, I'm hoping that people will consider what I've said (and actually read the OP carefully) then offer an honest opinion or advice with empathy, honesty and PLEASE no self-indulgent sentimentality.

Okay. None of this has happened to me so far, but it drives me nuts to see it on other people's threads. Almost more so than the posts that are over abrupt. It makes me think that the writers are vacuous simpering morons. And I'm pretty certain that telling someone they're a wonderful mother when it's reasonably clear that they actually aren't, is pretty unhelpful.

Oh, and I don't want random strangers kissing me either, thanks.

You seem like a bit of a nobhead. HTH xxx

You seem like a bit of a nobhead. HTH xxx

Agree.

Ha ha!
I concede you have a point. But so much hatred out there would rather have the kind and sweet posts on the whole.

@Ilovethekitties

You need a snickers, you're not you when you're hungry.

That made me LOL!

@saraclara People are only trying to be supportive and nice. Some posters can be rather brutal on here, so it seems mad to complain when people are being nice, kind, and supportive!

Do you want to talk about it hun? Has hubs been a silly billy and now you are feeling sad.
Try a nice Spa Day and you’ll soon feel fabulicious again.

It's just people trying to be kind and supportive to usually women in a bad place. Isn't that what we're supposed to be about. It's sad that some women live a life where they don't get any kindness and if a few randoms on the internet can do that then who are you to say we shouldn't do it?

I think you are a fantastic person and I can just tell from your post you are clearly a wonderful mum HUN xxx

Oh, do fuck off, sweetheart.

I get what you mean op. Some posters here like to top-trump each other in how supportive and hand-holding they are no matter what the subject. I actually recognized a poster on here from real life (the situation was outing), and they had the 'you sound like a lovely, wonderful, jesus reincarnated, awesome human being' treatment, and it did make me realise how much someone can give a very narrow version of themselves online. Not that they're a horrible person, but the responses were very much a realm away from reality.

Over sharing mixed with over caring equals a rush of over the top reactions, no one really knows the truth of the person posting the original thread.

@CatInTheDaytime yep, exactly. Being sentimental and positive in the absence of any information that would make it appropriate is the opposite of empathy. And shows that the person really isn't being understanding at all.

But of course you can't say anything because they're 'being kind'

Oh bubs!! XOXOXO

Do you want to talk about it hun? Has hubs been a silly billy and now you are feeling sad. Try a nice Spa Day and you’ll soon feel fabulicious again.

**

You might need to reboot your phone, me - I think I need the sick bucket.

Loving all the jokey posts! But on a more serious note, some women who post on MN are severely depressed or suicidal, are in terribly abusive situations, or have zero self esteem. A few kind words of support, or an offered hug, or prayers, can be life saving. Yes of course they need practical advice too, but the emotional support and comfort is every bit as important.
I spent 36 years as a hospital doctor, and I can assure you OP, a big part of my job was calming patients’ fears and providing emotional support through their life threatening surgery or critical care. In the case of hospital phobics and patients with special needs, it was the only way to get them through the operating theatre door.
Please don’t underestimate the power of human empathy, or expressions of kindness. Maybe you don’t need it, but many others do.

I'm going to take this on board and, from now on, when replying to people who've come on here for a handhold and some gentle support, start calling them buffoons and nincompoops and send them virtual armpit flatulence.

Sorry - bit of a derail but to I'dblowJonSnow I can't help thinking of the Channel 4 newsreader every time I see your username.

to OP - hope you're OK sweetheart xxx hugs xx

@Babdoc but that's my point. Empathy and kindness is vital. But as a doctor you wouldn't be sentimental and dishonest would you?

I agree with your argument, I dont know you from Adam, but first of all people must say what they think. I like to think we do help some people on MN. What annoys me most is when we start bickering between ourselves, instead of assisting the OP. Sometimes it seems that we are not allowed to go against the majority on a thread, but I often see it as people acting like sheep, she say this so I will go along. YANBU

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll of course you can do that if you want. But if you bothered to read my posts you'll see that I'm not remotely suggesting that.

Bizarrest stealth boast ever!

I'm not at all opposed to kindness, listening, encouragement or even virtual hugs. It's more just the endless positivity to the point where sometimes it's not helpful or appropriate, and just sympathy might be better. Sometimes, if you don't share that positivity - because you are having a shit time and feeling hopeless - it can just make you feel less understood and more isolated.

But, I do take kindness as it is meant - I wouldn't ever throw it back in their face!

eek! I dont like over the top gushing either, but I realise I have said to someone that they sounded like a lovely mum, In my defence it was because they were depressed, because they'd lost confidence in themselves when they didn't need to, and because some posters were just being really nasty and I wanted to counter that. Maybe its the meaness that prompts it from others too.
But I take your overall point.
Also.. I've noticed a lot of people in RL who say they are fat are really not but insist they are the fattest person that's ever lived, so I don't think its gushing to suggest they might not be as fat as they think they are.. its probably more to do with their negative perception of themselves.
kiss kiss. Hope you have a wonderful weekend you lovely OP you ((((hugs)))

@OhamIreally
Me too! John Snow and his colourful socks!!

I think it's fine and appropriate on an anonymous support forum. I mean it might be more truthful to say "well you could be a shit mum for all we know but good luck with your crap situation" but it doesn't exactly help does it.

Also..I've noticed a lot of people in RL who say they are fat are really not but insist they are the fattest person that's ever lived, so I don't think its gushing to suggest they might not be as fat as they think they are..

It's not the suggestion though, it's the "I'm sure you're not" that's so fake.

64% of UK adults are fat, so often it really is just a pointless platitude.