..to not want to be gushed over on this board

[saraclara]

I'm no-one's darling or sweetheart. I don't want to be called lovely or a wonderful person by people who don't know me from Adam.
I don't want to be told I'm a fantastic mother by strangers who know about 1% of who I am and what kind of mother I might be.

Why do people do this? There's the world of difference between being supportive and just throwing compliments and soppy terms of endearment around like confetti.

If I post about a problem, I'm hoping that people will consider what I've said (and actually read the OP carefully) then offer an honest opinion or advice with empathy, honesty and PLEASE no self-indulgent sentimentality.

Okay. None of this has happened to me so far, but it drives me nuts to see it on other people's threads. Almost more so than the posts that are over abrupt. It makes me think that the writers are vacuous simpering morons. And I'm pretty certain that telling someone they're a wonderful mother when it's reasonably clear that they actually aren't, is pretty unhelpful.

Oh, and I don't want random strangers kissing me either, thanks.

You sound like a brilliant mum lovely xx just hang in there x

(YANBU but on balance the simpering is marginally better than the “GOD you sound like hard work I pity your children/husband/employer” keenness to get the boot in.)

Oh you poor little sausage, so, so, so sorry to hear about this. Chin up, stay positive hun. You have all of our support from the lovely Mumsnetters on here

The 63% of people who think I'm unreasonable are obviously just jealous. I'm not sure what of, but "they're just jealous" seems to be the reason applied to anyone who has a problem with anyone else.

If I post about a problem, I'm hoping that people will consider what I've said (and actually read the OP carefully) then offer an honest opinion or advice with empathy, honesty and PLEASE no self-indulgent sentimentality

I think if people are trying to be nice but not choosing language that suits you then you probably need to stop reading it. I’ve considered what you’ve said and my honest opinion is that you need to get over yourself.

@Monsterinmyshoe, I think I hate you for that!

There's a lot of people posting from a very dark place where a bit of compassion or understanding can be a lifeline for them.
It seems rather mean to say no-one should get that because YOU don't need it.
...That said, I do agree that I see a fair few "you're a wonderful mother!" where it seems to have been accidentally posted on the wrong thread

I do get where you're coming from OP, despite all the jokes..however there are people on this board who probably do find those gushing responses helpful even if you don't.
Some people need that kind of validation and find it useful and supportive.
I guess the beauty of a forum like this is that you can choose which responses to read and interact with and take the advice that's helpful to you personally while disregarding the responses that aren't.

Completely get to OP, couldnt agree with it more, YADNBU.

I agree OP. I've started seeing it quite a lot on AIBU threads, where pp are throwing in comments like "you sound lovely OP" and "your DH/MIL/SIL/friend sounds awful/abusive". Of course the OP sounds lovely, the whole thing has been written entirely from her perspective

I’m so sorry about this vile behaviour. You deserve so much better 💔

I know what you mean OP. They're just cheesy platitudes a lot of the time.

"I'm a really shit mum" = "I'm sure you're not"

"I'm ugly" = "I'm sure you look lovely"

"I'm fat" = "I'm sure you're not"

It's just people being polite, although it is a little weird on the internet when people know nothing about them.

Knickers on back to front, OP?

Fully agree with you OP 👍

Ugh. It's when they start with "oh darling, you don't have to put up with this"

"Oh sweetheart, I can feel how sad you are"

Patronising and just 🤮

Aw. Nothing to add but want to be in the sunshine and warmth.

Can we have a group hug?

((((((Me))))))

Alright love, don't worry yourself about it.

Handhold for u, OP, fuck the h8ers, you're a fab mum, you do you hun, chin up, it must be gin o' clock somewhere, I bet ur kids really appreciate all that u do, you sound lovely, keep on keeping on..... and listen to AnyFucker hun, she's just a straight talker that's all.

Xxxx

Yanbu.

I detest 'you've got this'.

I agree. It irritates me when someone posts a problem and those replying address her as "My love" or "Darling". I suppose it's well meant, but they don't know the person they're addressing and don't love her, and it comes over as icky and, sometimes, quite patronising.

And people using "hun" should be hung, drawn and quartered.

Ugh. It's when they start with "oh darling, you don't have to put up with this"

"Oh sweetheart, I can feel how sad you are"

Patronising and just 🤮

Exactly!!!! Those are pretty much the exact posts that tipped me over the edge.

saraclara

Don't you like my bouquet or inspiring words from the heart?

To be fair, I do agree with some people that people are just trying to be nice and helpful. The gushy ones do make me cringe too, but you just have to filter a lot out. If you are posting about a problem you will always find a couple of people's words on here really helpful. I find some people are just horrid for the sake of being horrid, rather than nice for the sake of being nice but not particularly helpful. It's the latter I prefer, the former can get stuffed! Sometimes it's the gushy posts among a torrent of judgemental bitchy posts (when the OP has just got themselves in a bit of a mess and made a mistake many of us have before) that actually keep me from leaving mumsnet altogether.

Was half expecting this post to have been written by AF!!

Well ummm off you fuck cunty chops?

Didn't want to read and run, @saraclara

Just wanted to say that I think you are amazing. I am in awe of how strong you are. And you're fit. Probably.

It's just what people are like, especially more recently IMO as there's been a cultural change with social media where gushing over other people and saying how great they are is what's expected, at least in some circles. I don't like it either.

Once I was having the shittest time with tantrumming DD kicking off in a supermarket, I had PMT and was going through separation and was just a ball of stress, and started to cry. A lovely woman came up and hugged me and said "You've got this!"

Well it was very caring of her, although of course it made me worse. But also I thought, "no I haven't. That's why I'm crying - it's all too much and I'm not coping very well." I find it easier if someone can just empathise and say they know how it feels, or similar. But of course I don't want to be judgemental and rude someone is trying to be kind, but I do find the whole culture of it a bit superficial.