WIBU about friend's husband?

[EssentialHummus]

Friend's DH messaged me yesterday around noon to say he was at a local cafe WFH, did I want to join? I went over, we had a coffee and a chat, and he invited me to a pub for a music night yesterday eve. We met up again later, went to the pub, had 4/5 drinks each and had a greattime. On the way back home I invited him up to mine for another drink. He agreed, we had another drink and a chat, he went off home around 1am. My DH is away with our daughter.

None of this even slightly registered with me as being inappropriate, but I told another friend about it today and she told me very strongly that the whole thing was way out of line / that if it was her husband she'd assume there was something going on.

For context, I'm good friends with his DW (kids the same age) and see lots of her, though sometimes do toddler stuff with him when she's busy/he'll be around when I'm at theirs. I get on really well with him, no attraction but he's really different from me and interesting to talk to.

WIBU?

Are you joking?

I'm really not not.

Well basically you have a male friend and you went out for some drinks. I don't see a problem.

Folks, I've been on MN for years and am not joking. You're welcome to AS me.

I would trust my DH 100% to have female friends and be alone with them in their house. I think it depends though how trusting the relationship is, if there are elements of doubt then it might cause an issue.

I assume your husband and your friend know and are happy about this?

If not, why not? Think that'll answer your question.

As long as you are open and honest with hi wife and your dh what's the problem? Grow up people.

Those that say YANBU will be called out as "cool wives" feigning a deliberate position of permissiveness and nonchalance

Those that say YABU will be called paranoid and jealous by the above

You can't win OP but enjoy the flame war on here, should be a good one

Did you tell your respective partners? If so and they are fine with it then no problem. If anything about it is being kept secret then that’s a problem.
I went to the cinema with best friend’s hubby as we are both Downton fans and other halves aren’t.

Was his wife at home looking after their kids whilst he was in the pub with you?

Did he tell her he was with you until 1am?

Would you have a problem telling her about any of it?

I’d have no issues with this at all! If you trust him, your DH trusts you, it all sounds fine to me!
I have done similar with single male friends as has my DH with female friends.
He didn’t do anything inappropriate I assume...

Did your partners know about you both meeting up?

It's not up to us to decide, surely it's up to his DW and your DH to decide if they're uncomfortable?

Did his DW know that you had gone out together? If she did and was ok with it then no problem. If he hid it from her, that would be an issue.

What you're describing sounds very much like a date. The fact that coffee progressed to sending the evening drinking together, then you invited him back to yours and carried on drinking and talking til 1am...that's the kind of thing that tends to happen when two people are attracted to one another and don't want the evening to end. Only you two know what the boundaries are in your own relationships and how your respective partners will feel about this but I can see your friends point.

@GinDaddy

I hate these stupid straw man arguments that cast everyone as a martyr. I couldn't care less if I'm a cool wife or not but DH and I can have friends of either gender and can go out for a night out with them and I know lots of other people who are the same. If you have different boundaries in your marriage that's fine by me but don't turn it into a flame war when it needn't be one.

Well I think it depends if your friend knew and didn't mind. If it turns out she had no idea then his motives could be less than honourable.

Next time you meet your friend, will you mention these meet-ups?

Im not an overly jealous person and I trust my husband as much as you can trust another person but this

On the way back home I invited him up to mine for another drink. He agreed, we had another drink and a chat, he went off home around 1am. My DH is away with our daughter.

for me is a line crossed, and if he was my DH I wouldn't be happy. I don't care what people say/think I would be pissed off

I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my dp doing that, to be honest.

Wouldn't have a problem with this

I personally would never want to hang out with any friends husband when the friend wasn’t around. Maybe that’s because I’m a single mum and I’m overly worried about people making assumptions but tbh it would be awkward and weird anyway

YANBU

Sounds like your friend is projecting her insecurities onto you. Best to ignore

Wouldn't have a problem with this

At the risk of seeming argumentative I just find this so hard to believe - you really wouldn't mind your DH having a coffee with another woman then

We met up again later, went to the pub, had 4/5 drinks each and had a greattime

and then back to her place for more drinks