To not allow DS to come home for Xmas

[peekachew]

Apologies for the slightly clickbait-y title.

Last week DS moved to NZ for 6 months in order to continue training for a very niche profession. He has expressed wishes to come home for Xmas but would only actually be home for 6 days! I think it's pointless given plane tickets are easily £1500 a pop Not to mention the 24+ hrs of travel required.

He's a young sociable lad who has the world at his feet, surely it's not unreasonable to expect him to spend Xmas over there. I know he is missing our 3 dogs (grew up with them) and wants a traditional (i.e cold) Xmas. We do have the money if it makes a difference but it's such a waste imo.

Also, he's offered to pay half.

He only just bloody left!

YABU. I was so incredibly glad to come home for Christmas for a bit of normality when I was studying abroad. Surely most of his friends will be with their families?

I was confused until the end. He doesn't want to pay for his own ticket? Depends how much a family Christmas means to you but on the face of it, YANBU

If I had the money and wasn't an issue I'd do anything to have my kids with me at Xmas especially if that's what he wants too.
And even if just for 6 days.
A. Family member often travelled to OZ for 3 to 7 days for work.. Yes the travel is crap but he's young

If you can afford it, why would you make your child spend Christmas on his own on the other side of the world when he clearly doesn't want to???

I think YABU - if he wants to come see his family (and dogs) and you can afford it, it seems mean to say no. You never know, he might meet someone in NZ and never want to come home for Christmas again 😂

I’m confused. He’s old enough to move to NZ but he thinks “offering to pay half” of his own transport costs is the usual etiquette? Why?

Last week? He left last week?! And wants to blow another £1.5k to come home for a few days?!

Nah. Tell him to enjoy a Kiwi Christmas and facetime you. What does he think phones are for?

There's a group of about 20 training out there all together, he wouldn't be on his own at all.

If I had the money I would, I think being young it’s hard to leave family Christmas behind and it would ruin my Christmas as I would be thinking of him being alone all day.

But that’s just me.

He's 22 and his travel/living arrangements are all organised by his course providers.

We're not rolling in it but wouldn't miss the money iyswim

YANBU. I first moved away from home 4 months before Christmas and through it was too soon to pay for tickets back. I know many studying abroad who stay and make something of it with others who are in the same boat.

YANBU.

‘Darling, we would love to see you for Christmas but this is such a wonderful opportunity to experience a summer Christmas in NZ. And won’t it be disruptive to come back just as you are settling in?’

He only left last week, he is experiencing culture shock (oddly enough, I felt that more in Australia than anywhere else I have lived - possibly because it is different but not as alien as some cultures have been to me). He most likely will have changed his mind by the time a Christmas comes around and he has made some friends. And if he hasn’t changed his mind, it will still be interesting to experience a different kind of a Christmas.

So if he stayed who would he spend Christmas day with?

It's nice that he wants to come home and I'd pay it for his MH. I don't think it matters that he's 'young and sociable'. He feels the need to come home for Christmas.

It's a bit bloody minded to not support this, for no real reason.

I think YABU but I can’t understand why a young lad wouldn’t want to stay and experience Christmas in NZ. He’s only just left, does he really want to be in NZ?
Also what profession requires training in NZ?

Okay, full disclosure I have written this about my brother. Was worried I would be seen as interfering as it's my parent's money. Obviously they want him to come home but they're overly attached imo (DM doesn't even want to really do anything special for her birthday without him).

Sorry

He's already known (and lived with) his coursemates for a year.

I personally wouldn’t pay for him to come back so soon, not because I’m mean but because it will really interrupt him settling in.

If he only moved last week he will still be homesick and he needs a while for it to settle.

Well, I suppose this falls into the category of other people’s business, then.

It’s none of your business what they spend their money on.

It's just that if I were in his position I wouldn't want to be such a burden! Obviously my parents can do what they want with their money.

I agree it's a waste of money and feel at 22 your brother should be paying his own way. It's your parents money though and if that's the way they want to spend it, you may have to make peace with it.

It's a bit excessive given how much my parents are already forking out on his career. Just curious what other families would do/expect.