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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow DS to come home for Xmas

337 replies

peekachew · 27/11/2019 08:44

Apologies for the slightly clickbait-y title.

Last week DS moved to NZ for 6 months in order to continue training for a very niche profession. He has expressed wishes to come home for Xmas but would only actually be home for 6 days! I think it's pointless given plane tickets are easily £1500 a pop Not to mention the 24+ hrs of travel required.

He's a young sociable lad who has the world at his feet, surely it's not unreasonable to expect him to spend Xmas over there. I know he is missing our 3 dogs (grew up with them) and wants a traditional (i.e cold) Xmas. We do have the money if it makes a difference but it's such a waste imo.

Also, he's offered to pay half.

OP posts:
Wafflecopter · 27/11/2019 09:11

Are you maybe feeling a bit jealous that they’re wanting to fork out to have him home, after spending a lot on his career also, and can’t just make do with you?
In their defence, I wouldn’t feel much in the mood to celebrate if one of my children (who wanted to be there) wasn’t present either.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 27/11/2019 09:11

Let's be honest, you're upset he's the favourite and want to be centre of attention this year.

He wants to come home, they want him to come home, everyone can afford for him to come home.

Ps it already sounds like he's coming home Grin

Original poster
peekachew · 27/11/2019 09:12

I don't need to back off as I'm not sharing my views with anyone IRL. He's only one year younger than me so we are very close. I'm just curious as I don't think many of my friend's parents would pay in this context. Or at the very least they would encourage him to have a new experience.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 27/11/2019 09:12

There does seem to be more than a touch of the the green eyed monster here

It’s fuck all to do with you, let everyone be

Original poster
peekachew · 27/11/2019 09:14

No not jealous at all! Very proud he will actually have his dream job - how many of us can say that.

OP posts:
daysofpearlyspencer · 27/11/2019 09:14

He will feel a little left out if all the others stay for Christmas, I think I know what he is training for and if I am right he needs to get used to the idea of being away from home or he is in the wrong career.

Chocolatemouse84 · 27/11/2019 09:15

I think you are being unreasonable and a bit mean. If your parents are happy to fund half of his ticket then I honestly don't see the issue.

Being away from home at Christmas is tough. I live in the same country as my family and I remember the first Christmas I spent away from home due to working and I cried in the morning I felt so lonely and homesick.

He has all of the rest of the year to enjoy his freedom and free time in New Zealand, for me, Christmas is a time for being with family and at the place you see as home, where possible, I'm sure he won't want to come back at Christmas for ever

Original poster
peekachew · 27/11/2019 09:15

I'm just seeking opinions, not trying to interfere/control at all.

OP posts:
FizzyIce · 27/11/2019 09:15

That’s mean , if you get on with your family why wouldn’t you want to spend time with them.
I think that’s sad

Elbeagle · 27/11/2019 09:16

It might be a waste of money, but it’s not your money. So therefore not your business.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 27/11/2019 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

cheesewitheverything · 27/11/2019 09:17

Our ds is in that part of the world at Christmas, similar situation) and it hasn't occurred to any of us that he might come home for Christmas. He's missing home but he has loads of friends there in the same situation, he won't be alone and it's part of the adventure!

spacepyramid · 27/11/2019 09:17

Coming home for Xmas could be a cover for something else, keep talking to him and you might find out what it is. If he's prepared to travel for that long when he knows what the journey is like then he obviously really wants to do it so you need to find out what is really going on.

crustycrab · 27/11/2019 09:17

Sounds like pilot training to me. Very expensive to even get to the point where you've enough flying hours for the course and could cause some envy between siblings.

Why are you trying to force him into a road trip when he wants to come home and your parents want him to? It might be the last time he can/wants to.

FelixFelicis6 · 27/11/2019 09:17

It’s not your business! And clearly he will be aware of your views if you’re trying to convince him to do a road trip. You do sound jealous. Are you quite young?

sarahjconnor · 27/11/2019 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crustycrab · 27/11/2019 09:19

Felix op is young, a year older than her brother

Original poster
peekachew · 27/11/2019 09:19

I'm not interfering at all. I've not once said to my parents that I dont think they should pay for him to come home. Just find it bonkers.

OP posts:
RaymondStopThat · 27/11/2019 09:20

It's entirely between your brother and your parents. We've helped our children out in different ways over the years, and none of them would ever comment on what we've done for their siblings. If they did, I'd tell them we help all our children where we can.

Is there a jealousy issue at play here? I genuinely can't understand why you're so bothered about how your parents are spending their money. Is he favoured by them generally?

Liverbird77 · 27/11/2019 09:20

My parents had this attitude when I was studying in the USA.
Coming home wasn't an option.
Another year, they went away. I wasn't invited. By that point I had bought my own flat, however I was single and I am an only child.
They have really strange attitudes.
It has made me pull away from them actually. Now I am married with a baby and one on the way, I'll have no qualms about putting my husband and kids first.

Original poster
peekachew · 27/11/2019 09:20

I'm honestly not jealous. I'm happy with the path I've taken thanks.

OP posts:
saraclara · 27/11/2019 09:20

Oh come on.OP has already said she won't interfere in real life. She's asking us what we think of the situation, and personally I think it's a bit daft, and he should make the most of an opportunity that most people would die for.

Original poster
peekachew · 27/11/2019 09:21

No, my parents treat us equally to a ridiculous degree.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 27/11/2019 09:22

What does equally to a ridiculous degree mean?

Wheredidigowrongggggg · 27/11/2019 09:22

Bloody hell OP I’d be grateful he wants to come home and grab it with both fists! How delightful, you are very lucky and obviously he had a great home life to want to return to it. Celebrate that, don’t judge it. That kind of travel turnaround is totally doable, especially when so young and full of energy. Christmas can be lonely abroad as everyone else holes up with family . If I could, id pay for it too.