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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow DS to come home for Xmas

337 replies

peekachew · 27/11/2019 08:44

Apologies for the slightly clickbait-y title.

Last week DS moved to NZ for 6 months in order to continue training for a very niche profession. He has expressed wishes to come home for Xmas but would only actually be home for 6 days! I think it's pointless given plane tickets are easily £1500 a pop Not to mention the 24+ hrs of travel required.

He's a young sociable lad who has the world at his feet, surely it's not unreasonable to expect him to spend Xmas over there. I know he is missing our 3 dogs (grew up with them) and wants a traditional (i.e cold) Xmas. We do have the money if it makes a difference but it's such a waste imo.

Also, he's offered to pay half.

OP posts:
saraclara · 27/11/2019 09:22

My Godson went to NZ for the same reason - his parents went out to have a holiday and visit him, rather than him coming home. Makes much more sense to me!

FizzyIce · 27/11/2019 09:22

What if it was you ,op?
What if you really wanted to come home for Christmas but you found out your brother was saying it’s stupid and you should stay out there alone because you “have course mates” ? Harsh isn’t it

Original poster
peekachew · 27/11/2019 09:23

I'm not forcing him to go on a road trip at all. My brother is very "set in his ways". I try to encourage him to do things a different way/experience new things. He often thanks me after the fact.

OP posts:
Ludways · 27/11/2019 09:24

YANBU I studied abroad and didn't come home for Christmas until the third year. If he mentions it he'll get a few offers.

Autumntoowet · 27/11/2019 09:24

YANBU
It is only 6 months and I think it would benefit him to experience Christmas somewhere else!
He can have the same Christmas at home every year.
I wouldn’t tell him he is not allowed, but perhaps advise him on trying a new thing this year

Elbeagle · 27/11/2019 09:24

The fact is that your parents want him home for Christmas. It seems that it will make them happy to have him home for Christmas. It will make him happy to be home for Christmas. They have the money to make it happen. So you suggesting that they shouldn’t spend their own money on doing something that makes them happy seems... a bit mean spirited I guess.

Pilot12 · 27/11/2019 09:24

I would love to spend Christmas with my son and if I could afford to pay for him to come and he wanted to come then of course I'd have him.

TwoBlueFish · 27/11/2019 09:25

I spent a year abroad in college and went to a friends family for Christmas, it was part of the experience!

Such a waste of money and not great for the environment either.

Wheredidigowrongggggg · 27/11/2019 09:26

Oh gosh I’ve just seen you are the sister! It’s a total butt out from me.

spacepyramid · 27/11/2019 09:27

Why does it make a difference how we are related? It's the same scenario.

Because a whole raft of other issues come into play - jealousy, sibling rivalry etc etc. Why do you think it is any of your business? It's cheaper and less environmentally unfriendly for him to fly back here than for all of you to fly out there.

Is he enjoying shearing sheep?

Original poster
peekachew · 27/11/2019 09:28

What does equally to a ridiculous degree mean?

Just that if they do something for one sibling (there are 4 of us) they feel it necessary to do the same for everyone else.

OP posts:
Original poster
peekachew · 27/11/2019 09:28

^or something equivalent

OP posts:
catnidge · 27/11/2019 09:28

My son is a medic and at the moment is only to fly home for 24 hours over the xnas period and not even in Xmas day. His journey is not 24 hours but that's all the time his rota allows him.
He is 23 and still very much wants to be with his family for Xmas.
He can afford his flights but we would pay if he couldn't.
You never know what's round the corner in any year. So yes I think if he wants to come home there is no issue with it.

CottonSock · 27/11/2019 09:29

I did my MSc in Canada at that age. One year I didn't return home. One year I did, I paid my own flight.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 27/11/2019 09:29

@TwoBlueFish her brothers not proposing a private jet. The plane is going to fly whether he's on it or not.

Original poster
peekachew · 27/11/2019 09:30

I honestly miss him, 100% no jealousy. NZ is jsut so bloody far

OP posts:
darkcloudsandrainstorms · 27/11/2019 09:30

There is the pain if him coming home and then leaving. Is it that emotional upset that is causing your feelings.

catnidge · 27/11/2019 09:30

Excuse mass typo errors. Phone thumbs and no glasses

Besidesthepoint · 27/11/2019 09:31

Although I agree with you, it is still not your place to say anything about it.

PurpleDaisies · 27/11/2019 09:31

Just that if they do something for one sibling (there are 4 of us) they feel it necessary to do the same for everyone else

That’s pretty normal isn’t it?

Original poster
peekachew · 27/11/2019 09:32

Yes, he training to be a commercial pilot. So I guess Xmas at home may not always be an option in the future.

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 27/11/2019 09:32

Of course he should be welcomed home at Christmas. If you can afford half the fare then give it. I suspect the farther away, the greater the need to return.

Torchlightt · 27/11/2019 09:33

You've only mentioned the money. How about the carbon emissions fgs? It's selfish madness. Plus, he'll have a great time with his new mates.

ChristmasBaubles · 27/11/2019 09:33

This reply has been deleted

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1300cakes · 27/11/2019 09:33

Sorry I think YABU. I can see why think he doesn't have to come home, or you wouldn't in his situation. But your reasons seem to be sailing close to concern trolling. It's 24 hours of travel! That he will be doing, not you. He should have friends in his course! I'm sure he does, being away from them for six days won't ruin the friendship. It's a waste of money! Not your money and your parents can afford it anyway.

If you think family xmas is overrated and you don't want to see your brother, you can always go away yourself. Ask your parents to pay for half a flight to NZ or Aus if you like (fairs fair if db is getting it), you can spend Christmas there. Stay in a backpackers, you'll have a great time.