How are mothers supposed to go back to work??

[ArtichokeAardvark]

I've just had the dreaded call from nursery to come and collect DS. 'Hello Mrs X, I'm afraid your son is unwell, please could you come and pick him up asap'.

My son is teething. Yes, he's a bit grumpy, but he's teething. Yes, he has a temperature but it's only 38.0 so not exactly an emergency. They admitted themselves he's running around happily with the other children, just being a little bit whingier than normal.

But no, I have to collect him. No they can't even give Teetha homeopathic stuff without a doctor's prescription. And please could I keep him home for 24 hours after his temp goes back to normal.

I am slammed at work. I'm the only person in my department this week and I'm desperately trying to tie up everything this month before I go on mat leave. I would drop everything if my son was genuinely unwell, but for god's sake he's TEETHING.

How the hell are mothers meant to be able to go back to work? This happens with depressingly regularity and my employer is luckily understanding but their patience is beginning to wear thin...

We share responsibility 50:50 with our male partners. Half the sick days each. It's not rocket science.

Where is his father? Is he not involved?

I also split these things with DH but actually having a reasonable nursery helps, they would only send him home if genuinely unwell

If the dad's around it has to be shared 50-50. When a child is poorly we figure out who is the most busy that day or who has taken time off recently and decide.

The fathers have to step up for 50% of the (predictable) childcare ‘energencies’. Assume you’re not a lone parent if you’re about to go on maternity leave again?

Is dad around? Can he go and collect? When this happens DH and discuss who has the most flexibility that day

As it’s 5pm, I’d just go at normal time to collect, and tell DH he was it for tomorrow’s 24-hour absence, quite honestly.

Op, is you your partner not able to share the load? We used to split emergencies 50/50 and call in MIL if DD needed more than a day off.

I understand the nursery can't keep children there with temperatures.
Can you take work home and do it there?

Start shopping around for nurseries in the new year and tell them you are doing it. Some have different policies that are more working parent friendly - for example they may look at overall symptoms rather than just a temperature, and can accept GP letters for things like mild temps associated with teething. Nurseries attached to private schools don’t tend to cost too much more, but can be even more flexible if they have a sick bay / nurse on site.

You are allowed time off for dependents, or you ask for flexible working and make the time back another time, you share this kind of thing with the childs father, grandparents, whatever other help you may have. If this is the first 'dreaded phonecall' you have had you better steel yourself because there will be A LOT more to come.

I hope you aren’t the first port of call every time this happens. And if you are, I’d be changing that ASAP.

Childminder can be more flexible on policies than nurseries, if you’d consider that. I don’t mean they will take a sick child, I mean there tends to be a more practical approach to minor ailments because there are a smaller number of children to consider.

Friend and family. Before anyone starts, I don’t have a family myself as most of them are dead - so I’m not suggesting everyone has a perfect pair of retired sprightly grandparents at the end of the street who will drop everything. But because I don’t have that, I’ve worked on a network of friends and we pick up the slack when it comes to childcare. I sit with theirs, they sit with mine, I can’t get back, they’ll get them, they can’t get back, I will, and so on.

I meant to add yes it's very difficult. DC are always ill with colds when young too.
It's hard for both parents and companies - but what is the answer?

Ask what their policy is. Ours "wouldn't" give ibuprofen as we hadn't signed to say they could. So I made a permission slip to include that and Anbesol, and we both signed it. Then they did give it when needed!

We share responsibility 50:50 with our male partners. Half the sick days each. It's not rocket science.

I have a reasonable, flexible employer and a job where most of it can be done at home which adds another layer of flexibilty.

DH has an inflexible employer who need X amount of staff in at a time and none of his job can be done elsewhere. They're also quite keen to get rid of him as 'reasonable adjustments' have had to be made and they don't like it.

How can we split that 50:50?

What everyone else says. You need to find a better nursery or childminder and, assuming you are not a single parent, to co-parent on this issue, with your DS's father taking half of these calls/absences.

Yip it's brutal when they are that tiny. Coming out of work etc you feel like your constantly in between two places.

It’s hard going. I’m a single parent so it all falls to me and it always seems to happen when I’ve got something really important on. I’d be stuck if I didn’t have an understanding employer, but it really doesn’t help if you want to progress your career.

Not that you need to hear this but if a kid has a temperature it's standard for daycare to send the kid home. Frustrating I know if it's only slight

If you need to stay at work then get his dad to collect him?
I usually do illness days off etc (as I’m paid less and I hate my job) but if I can’t then DP does them

I (unknowingly) picked a nursery who seem pretty sensible. I picked DS up yesterday at 6pm and found him cuddled in the corner with the nursery manager looking at books. He'd been a bit sad all day and had a temperature at 1pm but they gave him calpol and kept hold of him (didn't call me to discuss, I'd previously signed a consent form for calpol for teething). They've also been sensible about dodgy nappies due to teething.

Their policy is to only give prescribed drugs, but I spoke to my GP surgery and they provided a generic letter (from some NHS resource rather than their own written one) to say that there's no reason why they can't give over the counter medicines with parental consent. They've been fine with it ever since

Clearly you’re managing, you’re back at work and pregnant again so what’s the issue?
Does your child not have another parent?..
Perhaps childminder would be a better fit?

When I’m at work I can’t drop everything, kids dad has to pick up if Ill etc I’m sure the teething isn’t the issue it’s the temp it may not be due to teething and if it’s not and nursery don’t contact you and he becomes more unwell this thread would be entirely different. I’m a single parent so I know it’s hard and frustrating - I am at work sometimes looking after other people’s poorly kids getting all sorts of abuse for it whilst my own are at home Ill makes you feel crap but work is work

I would be annoyed though given they said he is fine and you know it’s teething.
Maybe give him calpol before you send him in if/when you know he’s teething. This seemed to work OK with DD who’s temp would shoot up and get a cough

Tell them to phone the child's father? Of they can't get hold of him phone you back?

This isn't just a mother's issue it's a parenting issue.

It's difficult. Like the 48 hour rule at school. I remembered my dd had a big breakfast and pe first thing involving lots of jumping. She threw up...more regurgitation than proper vomiting. I knew she wasn't ill but she had to stay at home for two days...thank heavens I don't work...it must be a nightmare if you don't have lots of family support to fall back on.