How are mothers supposed to go back to work??

[ArtichokeAardvark]

I've just had the dreaded call from nursery to come and collect DS. 'Hello Mrs X, I'm afraid your son is unwell, please could you come and pick him up asap'.

My son is teething. Yes, he's a bit grumpy, but he's teething. Yes, he has a temperature but it's only 38.0 so not exactly an emergency. They admitted themselves he's running around happily with the other children, just being a little bit whingier than normal.

But no, I have to collect him. No they can't even give Teetha homeopathic stuff without a doctor's prescription. And please could I keep him home for 24 hours after his temp goes back to normal.

I am slammed at work. I'm the only person in my department this week and I'm desperately trying to tie up everything this month before I go on mat leave. I would drop everything if my son was genuinely unwell, but for god's sake he's TEETHING.

How the hell are mothers meant to be able to go back to work? This happens with depressingly regularity and my employer is luckily understanding but their patience is beginning to wear thin...

Different nurseries have different policies. Ours was great at dealing with things like teething and would just ask for our permission to give calpol to take temperature down.

It is impossible to hold down a job with constant time off like this. Sharing responsibility is not always possible as often one persons income is more important to the household than another’s.

Yanbu. I’m on a bloody disciplinary for taking 3 days off in 6 months for my Dd. My partner works away and I don’t have any other back up. My employer encourages woman back into work apparently and said ‘we understand family comes first,’ at the same time as putting me on a warning. In an ideal world you need one parent at home, in my opinion.

I'm so worried about this when I go back as my OH is self employed and has no flexibility with work, we can't afford to have him take a day off which means the load is on my shoulders. My work are very good with stuff like this and I can work from home which is OK when my 8 year old is unwell but with a baby working from home is impossible. It sucks.x

I work in a school office which has a nursery, and we will only ever call the parents to collect their children if they have a high temp/are really poorly/vomiting etc.

Most of the time having some quiet time in the book corner is all that is needed until pick up time.

*We share responsibility 50:50 with our male partners. Half the sick days each. It's not rocket science

Yet it seems to have passed you by that not everyone has a male partner, or even a partner, or consistent family support, or a child that is only ill once in a blue moon, or a job where absence really isn’t tolerated, or an employer who does everything by the book....to me, none of that is rocket science.*

^This. All these people having a go at the OP for not getting her husband to do pick-up are . Some, like my husband, might not have employers who are flexible in that respect, or her DH might have done it last time, or might be out of town, or in meetings all day. So many reasons why this may be a problem for lots of women across the country. Yes, OP, I agree - it's incredibly difficult and it's a pity that the only solution would be throwing money after money to hire a nanny.

Time off for unwell DC should be shared. Work travel is very difficult unless you have local family support.

Teething doesn’t cause a temperature, there’s been quite a few sad cases where parents have ignored their children’s symptoms because of the assumption teething is causing it.

I don’t know why it annoys me so much when I read stuff like this.

It can be frustrating. I end up using annual leave to cover my DC’s illnesses. I catch up with work when they are asleep. The more annual leave I use up, the more childcare I have to pay for in the school holidays. The alternative is unpaid leave, but I still have to catch up on the work at some point.

I am fortunate to have a manager who knows I’m not taking the mick with calling her at 9am to say I’ll be off for 48 hours because DC vomited in the night.

This is what I signed up for as a working mum. We have split up, but DC’s dad works in far-flung places, either abroad or offshore, so covering illness was always going to be my responsibility.

It’s not ideal, but I wouldn’t want anyone else to take care of my kids when they were unwell anyway.

You need a childminder who has reared children. Believe me, I was blessed. My childminder was worth every penny. If I was going to be late, and she had to go somewhere, she'd just bring dd and I'd collect when she was home!

I'd start searching asap for a down to earth childminder (who has reared children of her own - at least one) and who won't call you at the first sign of drama. Maybe one who has worked herself outside the home, so understands the pressures on women working.
Honestly, I was offered a job which would have meant maybe a night or two abroad once a month. Single parent - turned down job - would have LOVED IT!. Told childminder after and she was like - jeez, I would have kept her overnight for you - she's only gone home when she's back in the morning! I was so sickened that I never thought of asking her at the time.

I accept that my childminder was quite the find and pretty exceptional. An earthquake wouldn't shake her - she was just a naturally calm person - extremely experienced with her own 6 children (her youngest was only 2 years older than dd when dd started there). She used to give dd hand-me-downs for mucking about outside too as all dd's clothes were brand new as first child in family and friend circle (I was 27!!! hardly 16).

To many women have partners who work away to have inflexible employers or generally can’t take on the parenting. Many of them can do exactly what women in this situation do- change employee or job, take a step back, join the mummy train for a few years. So disappointing how few of them seem able to

Once I provided the nurofen/paracetamol, childminder would happily administer it and keep a record of times of dosages too for me. Scrawled on a scrap of paper usually, but recorded nonetheless!

I am so lucky now as my hours work so I can drop/pick my kids up from school, but if they were ill it would probably still fall to me as OH works a lot further away whereas I am a 15 minute walk from the school.

I only work in term time too so realise how lucky I am now as previously I would have to leave work early/take unpaid leave if my kids needed picking up.

I get a call from the nursery roughly every 2 weeks to say DD has a temperature. However, they just ask if they can give calpol/neurofen and monitor it. They'd rarely say come get her, although I do, if at all possible (use up my annual leave and often log back on at night)

@AdriannaP - I have been a nay for over 30 years, I swear by teething powders. They work quickly so they can eat/drink without having to wait for the calpol/ibuprofen to kick in.

I’ve used them on over 25 children and they definitely help.

@anychance
That's disgusting. Are your union involved?

This isn't a mum thing, this is a parenting thing. And yes, some of us have shite employers who make it difficult to take unexpected time off.

For the longest time, only DP could pick up DS if he was ill cos he worked locally while I worked in London and don't drive. On the upside I had an amazing boss who let me take time off the days he was sick nd I always got paid for it.

Then I was made redundant and I moved to a job which was incredibly inflexible so it was hard for me to take time off to look after DS.

Now I work from home so I can go pick him up if he's ill. Otherwise everything would still be on DP.

I also want to mention, DS did get a temperature once when teething so it's not unheard of!

Teething does cause a raised temperature ... but not above 100F apparently.
The stress levels on parents having to juggle time off to care for ill (or not so ill) children is one of the reasons I didn't go back to work until they were at school and my dh could work from home on the days I worked. Have no idea how two ft working parents manage.

I was a teacher. How do you get time off at short notice as a teacher. Pretty much impossible.

You could have an agreement that as you do the 'sudden' pick ups, he has to do the 'keep him off for 24 hour' extra days. It's not fair on your employer otherwise.

It does get better, (unless children have other physical health issues, poor immunity, significant SEN or mental health) but in reality if you have children it works best if you either are both full-time but both have flexibility in working hours or if one of you is part time.

Every working mum I know has help from relatives. We don't have help and with dc2 illness and appointments we need one parent at home.

This. It doesn't put you on an equal footing from the very start. My parents are at best dysfunctional at worst abusive, let alone wanting to help with my dcs.

Oh and secondary schools won't send them home ill for love nor money, but primary schools expect you to be there in about ten minutes flat.

@ferrier surely the same as everyone else? Im a teacher and always have it as my question to them at interviews... "what is your policy for taking time off with sick children?"

Your nursery are a joke and are playing you. Use a childminder - far more reliable. Mine has administered calpol etc in situations like this, with my permission

Funny how it’s always the men who have the inflexible employers when posters are asked why the dad can’t help. Personally I think it’s because the men don’t ask.

Find a nursery with a more sensible policy. My DD’s nursery will give calpol (with parental permission) without a prescription.

Drop DD of in the morning. Mention to networker that DD is teething. Keyworker asks if I am happy to sign for calpol now if she gets hot/grump (otherwise they ring you during the day and ask). Job done.