How are mothers supposed to go back to work??

[ArtichokeAardvark]

I've just had the dreaded call from nursery to come and collect DS. 'Hello Mrs X, I'm afraid your son is unwell, please could you come and pick him up asap'.

My son is teething. Yes, he's a bit grumpy, but he's teething. Yes, he has a temperature but it's only 38.0 so not exactly an emergency. They admitted themselves he's running around happily with the other children, just being a little bit whingier than normal.

But no, I have to collect him. No they can't even give Teetha homeopathic stuff without a doctor's prescription. And please could I keep him home for 24 hours after his temp goes back to normal.

I am slammed at work. I'm the only person in my department this week and I'm desperately trying to tie up everything this month before I go on mat leave. I would drop everything if my son was genuinely unwell, but for god's sake he's TEETHING.

How the hell are mothers meant to be able to go back to work? This happens with depressingly regularity and my employer is luckily understanding but their patience is beginning to wear thin...

Get the father to deal with it or get a nanny

With this husband, we shared days off for ill children, even his step-children. I think I generally had quite germ-resistant children though.

My dh or grandparents would have helped out. It was only my responsibility when I was on a day off.

But it depends on nursery policy with a temperature and as we've had so many ill we wouldn't take the risk of infection.

Hang in there! It does get easier as they get older. But I'd also look for a nursery that will give calpol and then keep the child as long as the fever goes down having taken it.

I feel your pain. I had this with twins and it made it impossible for me to continue with my career. (Like you, my husband's employer made it explicitly clear that he would be blowing up his whole career if took time off for childcare and since he had the higher potential earnings, it was me who volunteered to take the hit). In retrospect, I would have looked at a nanny (for me with twins this was comparable cost wise), in your position a nanny share. Otherwise, yes, some nurseries are better than others at managing children with normal mild colds and teething which can cause treatable temperatures in little ones.

It’s not a nurseries job to look after a poorly child, the ratio isnt 1:1. It’s grim I agree but what can you do

We share responsibility 50:50 with our male partners. Half the sick days each. It's not rocket science

Yet it seems to have passed you by that not everyone has a male partner, or even a partner, or consistent family support, or a child that is only ill once in a blue moon, or a job where absence really isn’t tolerated, or an employer who does everything by the book....to me, none of that is rocket science.

Look for a childminder who apply some logic ie this is teething.

The ratio should be 1:3 for that age group which ought to allow for care of children who are a bit under the weather (rather than actually ill).

Find a better nursery. Mine would give Calpol if needed. Only called for me or DW to pick him up if he was actually unwell.

Love how everyone is saying “call the child’s father” 😂

I’m a single parent, their dad doesn’t want to know, I gave up putting him down as a contact as he won’t help when they are ill. I can’t hold down a full job, my kids both have disabilities and endless hospital appointments (again their father refuses to attend).

Obviously if you do have a dh/dp or the child’s father is involved in their life then that’s great, it should ideally be shared 50/50 but it’s not always that simple.

This is the reality of life with small children. We didn’t evolve to be this far apart from them, and when they are ill they need their primary caregiver. What we should be asking is why it has become economically unviable for most people to subsist without both parents working full-time.

Exact same thing happened to me, got a phone call X has had 2 watery poops in 40 mins can you come pick him up! His poops where fine when he left and hasn't done a watery poop since so pretty peed tbh

It does get better - under 3 it can be tough going, especially in the bad weather. Hang on - my dc1 was sick so many times I was in despair and then she didn’t have a thing for two years.

Only thing I’d ask - if you get to the point where you are losing the goodwill your firm has, you may need to get dh to bear his half even if he faces consequences if his job is risky anyway. Think on whether your strategy is correct - if he’s taking reasonable parental leave that’s not grounds to sack him so they ought not to be able to do that...

If you have a partner you can take it in turn to do sick days.

I’m a lone parent so I get hit with all of them, it’s a royal pain in the arse but I can’t do anything about it.

Hang in there! It does get easier as they get older

I still get called by school to pick up my teens when they are ill!

a long term solution to this would start with framing it as a problem for BOTH parents, we should be asking how are parents supposed to go back to work

If you go to a pharmacy and explain what you need they will give you OTC medicines with a prescription label on them that you can leave at nursery. We did this for both calpol and piriton (DS had known allergies). Made life easier if you could say 'give them some Calpol'.

No its not rocket science.

Some parents are lone parents.

My dh earns 4 times what I used to earn and has a responsible job/travel involved. Therefore, I made the decision to step down from work and be there for my 3 dc (could have built a career in former profession). With no extended family and summer holidays etc. to cover as well as sickness and an inflexible employer I was left with little choice (but fortunate to have the choice). If I was earning what dh is earning and it was the other way around, dh would have likely stepped back. What we should be asking is why it has become economically unviable for most people to subsist without both parents working full-time. This. It is smashing that there are incentives for women (childcare vouchers) etc. to return to work but it seems to me that being a sahp is hardly recognised, yet can be in some ways, a lot harder when young children are involved.

We share responsibility 50:50 with our male partners. Half the sick days each. It's not rocket science

What a simplistic patronising post

Yes, I’m dismayed by labour and liberals running on more free hours - leading aside the unworkability of boosting provision that fast, it creates yet more pressure for both parents to work more in the early years. Not great for the under 5s and especially not the under 3s.

What is wrong with yourh usband? I earned 10 what mine did and I certainly was not usually first port of all. Also we paid someone to cmoe to our house to do childcare (cheaper if you hae 3 under 4 as we did at one point - much cheaper than 3 nursery places) and it also solves the illness problem although we did have to use a nanny agency to bring in someone at the last minute if ours was off sick. You could try the agencies - they usually have people on emergency cover and would look after the child at home.

Wheres his dad?

We split the picks up, not just 50:50, whoever is easiest in regards to workload.

This is one of the reasons we had to get a nanny. An expensive solution yes but wasn’t feasible for either DH or I to keep missing work. It does mean that if the nanny is off sick you have an issue but IME that is far less often and easier to cover.

it creates yet more pressure for both parents to work more in the early years. Not great for the under 5s and especially not the under 3s.

Seconded. I have no issue with parents deciding both of them prefer to work, but it does frustrate me when people talk about removing barriers to women working with very small children. Some parents believe a child is genuinely better off at home than in a childcare setting. And that’s their right.