How are mothers supposed to go back to work??

[ArtichokeAardvark]

I've just had the dreaded call from nursery to come and collect DS. 'Hello Mrs X, I'm afraid your son is unwell, please could you come and pick him up asap'.

My son is teething. Yes, he's a bit grumpy, but he's teething. Yes, he has a temperature but it's only 38.0 so not exactly an emergency. They admitted themselves he's running around happily with the other children, just being a little bit whingier than normal.

But no, I have to collect him. No they can't even give Teetha homeopathic stuff without a doctor's prescription. And please could I keep him home for 24 hours after his temp goes back to normal.

I am slammed at work. I'm the only person in my department this week and I'm desperately trying to tie up everything this month before I go on mat leave. I would drop everything if my son was genuinely unwell, but for god's sake he's TEETHING.

How the hell are mothers meant to be able to go back to work? This happens with depressingly regularity and my employer is luckily understanding but their patience is beginning to wear thin...

You can’t always share things 50;50 with your partner though, my husband works away a lot, and travels the UK and abroad, I’m lucky whereas I work from home, so I can collect from nursery if need be.

You need back up.
I'm a LP and only managed to stay employed because my mum was able to cover most sick days. I used the odd unpaid dependents leave day too.

Personally I wouldn't trust a nursery that didn't have a strict sickness policy. Heaven knows what would go around 😷.

It’s so much more expensive since to get a nanny if you have one dc though. The nanny we had was £110 and the nursery was £45 for the same hours. Of course they aren’t the same care but it’s unaffordable for a lot of earners to have a nanny.

Mine had a lot of sick time too where I then couldn’t work so you can be unlucky there too.

*DH has an inflexible employer who need X amount of staff in at a time and none of his job can be done elsewhere. They're also quite keen to get rid of him as 'reasonable adjustments' have had to be made and they don't like it.

How can we split that 50:50?*

Same here.

I jacked in work. Couldn't make it work.

Share with partner. Hire a nanny. Basically be in a place of privilege to start with.

Wow, lots of responses in the time it's taken me to collect my really-not-unwell child and get home!

The father is very much around and does help whenever he can. He travels a lot for work though so isn't usually available for sudden pick ups - case in point he's 3 hours away today whereas I can be there in 30mins.

Yes there’s never any talk about allowing one parent to be at home with their kids in the first 3 or 5 years and rewarding that choice, perhaps by paying a carer’s allowance if you don’t take all the free nursery hours.

OP, yes, it is hard! It's stressful as a parent (mother or father) trying to juggle both commitments. I'm nursery based so regularly see parents having to leave work to come and collect children and understand why we need to call when a child is unwell. Does that make me feel less bad when it's my child that's ill and I have to call my head teacher (again) and stay home from work? No. And it doesn't make it easier for my husband either, on the occasions when he has to do it. Let's just hope it gets easier as they get older.

DS is on his 3rd week off since sept, DD has had 2x 2days. Last year they were off loads too. No employer would put up with it.

Teething doesn’t cause a temperature

treepolitics

Or a special tax bracket for people with dependent children.

Could you consider a childminder? Ours is really flexible and quite happy to give DS lots of extra cuddles and attention when he's teething. Recently he seemed a bit under the weather (no sickness or temp) and she made him cosy on the sofa and just made him comfortable until he perked up. If this sort of thing is happening often perhaps that could be an option for you? And mention when looking for one the reasons you want to leave the nursery to make sure they're on the same page as you.

It does vary by child too - my first one needed lots of sick days, the second one hardly any. There is so much luck involved!

-split with DF
-catch up with work when DC sleeps in the evening
-have a backup babysitter, relative, childminder who can watch them in your house
-take annual leave

Lots of us do it!

Hope your LO gets through the teething. My DD always got a raised temp when teething as well.

My DH works shifts in an industry where there are legal minimum staffing levels, procedures to go through before you can leave the site etc. I'm an hour away by train and can pretty much walk out the door if needed. I'm the first point of contact unless he is on a day off. Thankfully DD is not generally ill and we made sure to keep a prescribed bottle of calpol handy if we needed to give it in with her at nursery.

You get a childminder instead of nursery. Ive never been asked to collect for teething or a slight temp whereas my neighbour who uses a nursery seems to be forever picking up her dc for the smallest thing

YABU for giving your DC homeopathic stuff

I used to be a childminder. The reason they send home a child with a fever is they don’t know for sure the fever is caused by teething. It may be teething and an infectious illness combined. And there are legal ramifications to giving ANY medications without a prescription.

A nanny might look slightly more expensive if you look at an hourly rate but can work out cheaper when you take into account that this sort of scenario doesn’t happen with them.

Trouble is little ones with temperatures go downhill very very quickly and the staff aren’t medically qualified. It really is better that they are taken home under those circumstances

@AdriannaP sorry, why? I give him Teetha in conjunction with paracetamol as pain relief, how on earth does that make me unreasonable?

I think it's a crap shoot all round to be honest and you can't do right for doing wrong.

There seems to be an assumption that working parents can turn to their own parents for help - but that isn't the case for many people. My parents are still both working full time themselves and DH's are too far away to help.

Also, now that people are having babies later in life in their late 30s or 40s, sometimes their own parents are too elderly to help.

I think a lot of women find themselves in the position where working ends up being barely worth it financially when they are doing paying for childcare.

a nanny isn’t slightly more in most of the country, it’s at least double and you still face risk of them getting sick, and the problems/costs associated with being an employer.

Nothing wrong with homeopathic teething remedies. I used them with my 3 kids and my eldest at 18 hasn't been scarred by the fact i was BU🙄

It is crap, but I don't accept that some jobs mean you can't do your share in looking after sick dc. I mean, their employer might not like it, they might get a bad reputation or passed over for promotion (just like women are) but they could.

Frankly, I am sure my employer doesn't love me taking time off with sick kids, but it isn't exactly optional.

I think some men need to be a bit tougher in insisting they need to look after a sick dc.