Please reassure me I've done the right thing...

[NothingHasBrokenMeYet]

I left my abusive husband three months ago, and we had to flee across the country.

He doesn't know where we are.

My eldest DS wants no contact with either him or his family (every type of abuse you can imagine, toward me and them).

My youngest DS is still young enough to have an idealistic view of his dad/GPs etc. He misses them, and I'm holding him while he cries, while at the same time crying inside because something which gives me so much relief (the fact that we're miles away) is the very thing causing my son stress. I feel guilty for being relieved.

I'm worried sick about Christmas. Its going to be hard anyway because they'll be away from what they know. The relocation (sudden, rushed, expensive train journey) wiped me out, and I just can't afford Christmas this year.

I'm exhausted, everything is starting to sink in now that I'm out of there, and I know I need help- but I feel I can't seek help because I can't drop the ball where the boys are concerned: they're on waiting lists for therapy, and I need 100% of my focus to be on them, seeing as I'm the only one they have know- we know no one around here and I have no family- and I uprooted them in the first place.

I'm failing like he always said I would, aren't I?

Small update:

My keyworker says I have all the proof I need that I suffered DV.

They're trained to know when someone is lying about DV. She will vouch for me.

It's on like Donkey Kong!

I've just read through this thread from start to finish and I've got tears in my eyes!

What you've done OP is absolutely incredible. I'm in awe and wish you and your boys the very best!

@NothingHasBrokenMeYet addiction is so hard, just wanted to tell you and other addicts (alcohol, cocaine, opioids) that if you ever do fall off the wagon,

go to your GP and ask for a prescription of Naltrexone. It stops the buzz and so the reward is taken away. When there is no buzz, the urge goes as well.

I am fairly confident that a cure to addiction is round the corner.

All the best in your new life. Onwards and upwards, one day at a time x

Didn't want to read and run. OP you are incredible and I cannot imagine what you have been through. By the sounds of it your ex severely underestimated you. Hugs X

You have done what I always wished my mother would have done for me. Thank you. It warms my heart to know that there are two more safe children in the world.

The support and handholding on this thread has been immense...thank you!

You fucking rock. I've been through crazy medical issues and still bouncing. I get told frequently that I'm an inspiration but I don't agree. I'm not doing anything special. Just living.

But you? You are my inspiration. You are strong, resilient, brave, loving and just bloody amazing. You go girl - we believe in you and we will be with you every mm gained if wanted x 👏🏼 💪🏻 💐🥤

Time to get fucking serious.

I weighed myself for the first time in ages yesterday- and I've dropped 17lb since I got here.

I genuinely didn't notice it happening- but now I think about it, I believe I've been subconsciously restricting again for a few weeks.

I'm nipping this shit in the bud NOW. I came here to save my life! Not to have anorexia rear its ugly head and off me anyway!

This bitch just came back fighting...

I need to up my calorie intake with "low volume" foods. Does anyone have ideas except for nuts? I'm vegan btw.

Another lurker logging on to wish you all the very very best. Have followed your thread from the beginning. You have so much to offer your kids - and you will be an inspiration to others who are going through tough times too.

Re upping the calories - can you make mini cheese cubes and pineapple on cocktail sticks, or are cheese cubes too fatty/volumous? Basics pineapple is 25p per tin, and the pineapple takes the edge off the cheese . . . .

Pineapple I can do. I wonder if the vegan cheese will give me enough calories? This is a good idea!

Could you make some peanut butter cookies? They're lovely, and the peanut butter will be good. Peanut butter on toast too.

I like the Granovita herb pate on oatcakes as a snack.

I've just eaten 3 oreos with a cup of oat milk coffee. I'm on this!

My ED was flagged up as a little bit of a "risk" if you like, with the staff here. The main concern was whether I'd be ok climbing the stairs to get to the flat. I can't afford a proper relapse. I'm all my babies have!

Time to drag the blender out again too, I think.

How about a vegan protein shake? They're very good a lot building lean muscle rather than fat. They're also really useful for drinking on the go when you haven't got time to prepare and eat a meal.

I'm actually looking at Huel atm. Has anyone had any experience with them?

I don't have any advice to offer I'm sorry. I just wanted to say that I think you are incredibly brave and have done absolutely the right thing for you and your children. Wishing you all the best for your future 💐

OP I can’t say enough how much I admire you. As PPs have said, keep coming back here for a boost whenever you need one! As for Xmas, yes, ask the food bank, hit the pound shops, but maybe writing/ making a card for each of the kids would be good and easy. Tell them 10 reasons (or however many) why you love them and are proud of them. That will give THEM a little boost and it’s something they can look at whenever they’re unsettled. Wishing you love, luck and overall a SAFE new start. 🌺🌺🌺

One last thing, you may not be religious, and given all you’ve been through, this might not be something you consider... but churches, whatever denomination, can offer great support. They have community groups, kids groups, charitable help. And if you need someone to talk to before therapy kicks in for you, talking to a priest or vicar or similar is confidential. Not sure if you might have a female vicar nearby in case you feel more comfortable speaking with a woman? Worth looking into. 😘

Op, try nakd bars for extra calories. The Bakewell tart and blueberry muffin flavours are my fave. They are suitable for vegans and a handy size to take with you if you are out and about so you can still snack.

I love these ideas! The cards especially: I may write them a poem each! 😍

On Xmas eve, you can track santa. Norad track santa website is great.

A fun and cheap activity my DD has done at holiday club is to make 'snowballs' with kitchen roll and sellotape and have a snowball fight.

Good luck with everything OP. I was going to suggest you join free sites and look on gumtree for free stuff bit I see others already have. You are amazing and don’t ever think different. Much love and positivity.