Please reassure me I've done the right thing...

[NothingHasBrokenMeYet]

I left my abusive husband three months ago, and we had to flee across the country.

He doesn't know where we are.

My eldest DS wants no contact with either him or his family (every type of abuse you can imagine, toward me and them).

My youngest DS is still young enough to have an idealistic view of his dad/GPs etc. He misses them, and I'm holding him while he cries, while at the same time crying inside because something which gives me so much relief (the fact that we're miles away) is the very thing causing my son stress. I feel guilty for being relieved.

I'm worried sick about Christmas. Its going to be hard anyway because they'll be away from what they know. The relocation (sudden, rushed, expensive train journey) wiped me out, and I just can't afford Christmas this year.

I'm exhausted, everything is starting to sink in now that I'm out of there, and I know I need help- but I feel I can't seek help because I can't drop the ball where the boys are concerned: they're on waiting lists for therapy, and I need 100% of my focus to be on them, seeing as I'm the only one they have know- we know no one around here and I have no family- and I uprooted them in the first place.

I'm failing like he always said I would, aren't I?

So! After a quick add up, I'll have about £80 to spend, including stockings.

What I'd ideally like to do is to do the "something they want, something they need" etc. I've always liked that idea!

Do you think its possible? The "something to wear" and "something to read" bits I can find in charity shops. Gives me an excuse to explore the place!

I'm excited! 😍

I have access to poundland, wilkos, B&M (I'd have to budget for a cab, but I can do that. I'll just go when I've got another appointment in the area on the same day).

you sound so lovely your children are lucky to have you. A (very early) merry Christmas to you all!

[Edited to remove identifying info]

You don't have to believe to go to church and I think this will help you make some QUICK friends who mean well and give you some headspace. Congratulations on your new life!!!

I'm the lucky one. They're incredible.

Although they're fighting over the TV remote atm, so I'm seriously thinking of swapping them for cats...🙄

A little off topic but there should be a way if mumsnet can verify a poster to be genuine, that donations can be made to help people out- like sent to mn hq and forwarded to the op?

You sound so positive this morning I love it!!
Charity shops are your friend this time of year, people are clearing out in time for Christmas.
The shops you have access to have loads too. The pound shop will have activity sets etc. Good luck OP and remember when you look back next Christmas you will feel nothing but pride. Go you!!

You are so strong, well done you.

Definitely possible on that budget, something to wear can be a jumper or socks, depending on what they need, books from the charity shop, toys from Wilko or b&m.

Also for the advent calendar, there is the geminid meteor shower in December so a good chance of seeing a shooting star. Pick a clear night, get away from street lights and look up. Will be from 4th - 17th, but peak (and your best chance of seeing some) is 14th.

Also collect pine cones and make decorations

Library is a fab idea, they often do dvds as well if you have anything to play them on.

Yesmate I'll be back on my feet by next Christmas. I'm so good at budgeting usually- the move cleaned me out. But we're safe! Best. Gift. Ever.

Oh- and for when Christmas is over, I've started compiling a list of small things I was told I'm too "helpless" to do. I think I can do these with hardly any eyes.

-change a plug
-put up a picture frame
-upcycle a piece of furniture (in blue. He hates blue. It's my absolute favorite color. )
-Wallpaper (I actually fucking hate wallpaper, but I'm going to wallpaper SOMETHING as a big "fuck you")

I'll keep adding to this 😂

you are incredible. You have and are doing all t he very best things for yourself and your DSs dont berate yourself for feeling sad though. That's allowed when your DS2 is sad.

You are most certainly NOT failing and you are right, HE has failed. He has not and will not break you.

On a more practical note, I am in the Hampshire/Berkshire area. I have no idea where you are located and for obvious reasons you shouldn't reveal that on this thread. But if you are anywhere near me, then please do PM me as I would love to help you out with pots and pans and whatever else I can to get you in your feet.

You are a strong amazing woman and an inspiration.

If you attend meetings (I'm 30 years sober through AA) you'll find that people will knock themselves out to help once they know your circumstances. Go to meetings and share. I can't tell you how much loving kindness I've seen in AA.

New NN in the pipeline...@MNHQ@ are sorting it. And it's perfect. 😍

Shit! Oh fuck a moose! Will I still show up as me?

OP you are amazing. I love your positivity and the way you look for the good in a bad situation. Your boys are very very lucky to have you as their Mum,

I was where you are 30 years ago. Fleeing an abusive husband across the country and being scared of every strange car I saw 'just in case'. I was lucky in that my parents were, initially, supportive and in that I could drive and managed to take a lot of personal items with me.

It's scary. It's a leap of faith. But, you know what? You have done it and the future will gradually get better and better for you.

@MNHQ@ help!

you are amazing, never underestimate your strength. Life will get easier, there is help available, dont be shy to ask, be proactive. I dont know if you are religious or not but please use your local church for drop in sessions, coffee mornings, childrens clubs, food bank or just a bit of warmth, they wont care who you are, everyone is welcome.
What a fantastic Mum you are

[Post edited by MNHQ to remove identifying information]

Ah - what an inspiration you are! I moved after separation from my own choice and it was tough. You have done exactly the right thing, and with your determination you will definitely make a brilliant new home for your DC. We are all here to support you. Your positivity shines through your posts. Well done!

I am another suggesting you go to church, as the support there will be great. Not only will they help from their own charitable efforts, but can point you towards other services/help/charities in the area.

A simple Christmas is not necessarily a poorer one. The joy of being able to do what you want is a wonderful thing. Places like Lidl and Aldi do small turkeys/turkey crowns for not very much money, or they have turkey steaks, too - it gives you the chance to be creative and make this Christmas a fun memory for your DC.

Hats off to you, girl!

[Edited to remove identifying info]

Hi OP,
Have you made contact with Susie Project? First Light? True Butterflies? They will all help you and your children. There are a number of appeals for toys for people in situations such as yours. Ask how you can become a recipient. C.R.A.P. is very active in the county on Facebook - use a fake user name if you need to. I got my pots and pans from there nearly two years ago. Someone was giving them away "to someone who needs them" - I asked if I could have them as I had to start again with nothing after DA. Bless the giver - she asked around her friends and offered me ironing board, iron, airer and a few toys for my child! People are often very eager to help.

I left with very little in October 2017. We were in temporary accommodation at Christmas. The best things about Christmas were the feeling of freedom, the being able to do what we want when we wanted, eat chocolate, play our choice of cheesy Christmas music, make a mess! My mum had sent presents, so that helped, but charity shopping, nectar points and a lot of creativity got us through.

Meeting other women who have been through similar was really important to me as we message each other with the emotional fall out. Susie offer a group in different areas.

Sending hugs and hoping you find people to support you. I am just a little bit away from where I think you are to be able to meet you, but PM me if you need any support - if I have read your other post correctly, we are in the same county, and I am a DA survivor too.

I have so much admiration for you. Just read all the posts. Your children have an amazing mummy. They are lucky.

Can anyone tell me please whether this is highlighted? I'm the OP...

Yay! It is!

I've reported my last but one comment...I'll copy and paste it here though.

Littlefuck that...Christmas lunch is chocolate this year! Maybe some toast thrown in for balance.

I have four "food shopping weeks" to go before Christmas. £2 a week shaved off somewhere will get me things like a pack of mince pies, a sharing bag of popcorn etc. I'm hiding it for Christmas Day and letting them go nuts on the day.

Last year he decided to sneakily put chicken stock in the soup I had (yeah, I'm one of THOSE vegan assholes) so this year I'm having homemade soup, and I'll eat the lot!

Oh wow - I have just read your whole thread. What an incredible mummy you are. Reach out, there will be so much help out there for you. Am sure your new community will welcome and embrace you and your lovely boys. They will see a happy, carefree mummy and life will blossom for you all. Sending you love and 💐

Yes it’s highlighted.

Little you've got my area correct. I can tell by some of the things you mention in your post. 😍