Please reassure me I've done the right thing...

[NothingHasBrokenMeYet]

I left my abusive husband three months ago, and we had to flee across the country.

He doesn't know where we are.

My eldest DS wants no contact with either him or his family (every type of abuse you can imagine, toward me and them).

My youngest DS is still young enough to have an idealistic view of his dad/GPs etc. He misses them, and I'm holding him while he cries, while at the same time crying inside because something which gives me so much relief (the fact that we're miles away) is the very thing causing my son stress. I feel guilty for being relieved.

I'm worried sick about Christmas. Its going to be hard anyway because they'll be away from what they know. The relocation (sudden, rushed, expensive train journey) wiped me out, and I just can't afford Christmas this year.

I'm exhausted, everything is starting to sink in now that I'm out of there, and I know I need help- but I feel I can't seek help because I can't drop the ball where the boys are concerned: they're on waiting lists for therapy, and I need 100% of my focus to be on them, seeing as I'm the only one they have know- we know no one around here and I have no family- and I uprooted them in the first place.

I'm failing like he always said I would, aren't I?

You should ask them to delete all your previous as your location is clearly stated .

You are amazing OP, stay strong.
I was a child who dreamed of being rescued from a childhood of abuse. In the end I rescued myself as a young adult as I could not take anymore.
You have 1000000% done the right thing.

You should ask them to delete all your previous as your location is clearly stated

Fuck. I forgot about the post in Meetups! Ok- so I'll report your comment. Will you please report it too? They may get to it a little quicker if a few of us do it...

Reported. TheStuffed I hope you don't mind.

Activity suggestions:.
A puddle hunt if it's been raining. Doesn't matter how wet you get, just come home soaking and gave a bath/shower as soon as you get in.
Late night walk to look at the moon.
Feeding the ducks at the local park
Playing pooh sticks
Pajama Day
Making Christmas decorations/paper chains

Another person sending you loads of admiration for what you have achieved. I was going to suggest getting in touch with Gingerbread www.gingerbread.org.uk/. They have lots of practical advice and a grant finder. However, I see one of your posts refers to local charities and a group so it looks like you have got this sorted already too.

Pickle your (and similar) replies resonate.

I was abused as a kid. Let down badly by the care system. I went on to seek abusive relationship after abusive relationship- it was all I knew!

None of that for my babies. They will not enter that cycle. Because this shit ends with me.

Those suggestions are FAB! Thank you! 😍

Please don’t think you are ‘failing’. You are realistic and can see the difficulties and unhappinesses that are an unavoidable part of your current situation. This is not ‘failing’, it’s realistic and it’s helping you plan and prepare for the future. Being a Pollyanna and refusing to face reality would be more of a fail m

Well done on setting you and your family free.

Go and see your local church. Even if your not religious our church (linked to the school) collect gifts and hampers to give to those who can’t quite manage Christmas for whatever reason. It’s all anonymously donated but people are usually really generous

I think it's about time I got my butt back to church anyway tbh!

Also speak to your housing provider. My friends housing association offers assistance with Christmas and things like making sure the kids all have winter coats, school uniform etc

And guess what? I can give something back! My youngest just pointed it out!

The attack in June triggered a relapse of my ED. (Those who happen to be on the January diet thread from earlier in the year, and know who I am, feel free to PM) and I went from 207lb to where I am now at under 100lb.

I've got a few sweaters and pairs of jeans which are now hanging off me. (I literally have two outfits that fit atm). I'm going to donate them to the refuge.

Seriously thank you. I'm making a load of phone calls this week, so that'll be one of them.

You have not failed. You have left an abusive man, plenty don't for all sorts of reasons. Pat yourself on the back, you made a change. You are brave. You had to move away to make this change so please don't doubt yourself now.

Your husband sounds like a monster and you and your boys are better off without him. Please believe that.

I was petrified people would think I was a troll- or after handouts. Thank god I've been here for years, and I've been enough of a gobshite to have a posting history under different NNs!

gingham

I pity him. I know everyone thinks their kids are the best- but my boys are incredible. They're young carers too. I cook their dinner, they read my mail! It works!

He's missing out on all of this.

And you know what? Sod thirteen years- I'd endure thirteen DECADES of him if my DC were the results. I'd do it all again.

You are so brave and utterly amazing! Keep going. Remember that your boys need you to eat. Someone suggested that you go to Church to ask for help. I completely agree with this. Also a nice carol service can be a good free Chistmassy activity. You can make paper chains out of old magazines and packaging. Can you put music on where you are? Play charades

It's so weird.

My room is very like the room I was given at my first "independant" children's home. It was the first place I was responsible for things such as buying my own clothes, toiletries etc.

I fell into the wrong crowd round about then, and met my first abusive partner.

It feels as if someone has put me straight back there, and told me to choose the other path this time. I know that's hella deep for a Sunday morning- but it truly feels as if I've been given a second chance.

Reported for you as well.

you sound amazing and should be proud of yourself for what you've achieved.

HomeStart are a great charity that may be able to offer support, and can often help arrange Christmas parcels, etc. Have your thought of asking the Salvation Army for help regarding Christmas? I know that when I volunteered for HomeStart we used to get care parcels from them to help 'our families' over Christmas.

Really well done OP, you are an inspiration! If you feel you are losing confidence again in the future just cling on to what you have achieved so far, which is huge.

You need to let your DS2 know (if he does not already) that his dad was a bad man who hurt you and DS1 or he may carry an illusion of his dad going forward.

My contribution to your advent calendar would be a few days with Christmas themed paper crafts as they are cheap and fun. Cutting out snowflakes (plenty of examples on Youtube) and hanging them up is simple and effective. You could try some very simple origami animals (if you put easy origami for kids into Youtube, lots of examples come up).

Look on your local council website and local paper - usually free in the local library - for free events over Christmas.

Very best wishes

Music is my LIFE! And yes, I'm allowed to play it.

December 1st is next week! I can't wait to start writing down activities.

I'm making one of them a trip to the local library. We can borrow Christmas books from there, and it'll be good for the DC to become members anyway. Something else they weren't allowed to do.

Church, non religious or religious, they hold great things for the community. Join the local library, do a book club between the three of you a do a monthly book report?
Also willow wreath making? You can get willow hoops/shapes cheap from the works or craft shops and make your own wreaths by drying out fruit, collecting holly/leaves etc and some superglue or a glue gun.

Not sure if you like it but I find cross stitching SO relaxing-just having to focus on that to be so precise really can help give 20 mins of time out!

Gumtree and Shpock May have great Christmas finds as people sell stuff to get cash for Christmas. Just please be aware that normally you have to go to their house-if you did buy a small item maybe arrange to pick it up somewhere mutually convenient if you don’t want to be at a strangers house 😊

You’ve been such a strong person, wishing you every bit of good fortune going forward.

When he’s old enough your oldest DS can tell your youngest DS the truth of what happened. So don’t worry that your youngest DS will resent you. Well done for everything you’ve achieved so far. You’re amazing and I wish you a very happy and safe future for you and your sons. You deserve happiness

Vonda cross post about the library!

It was actually an act toward DS2 which made me report him. More has come out since- but he's aware.