Please reassure me I've done the right thing...

[NothingHasBrokenMeYet]

I left my abusive husband three months ago, and we had to flee across the country.

He doesn't know where we are.

My eldest DS wants no contact with either him or his family (every type of abuse you can imagine, toward me and them).

My youngest DS is still young enough to have an idealistic view of his dad/GPs etc. He misses them, and I'm holding him while he cries, while at the same time crying inside because something which gives me so much relief (the fact that we're miles away) is the very thing causing my son stress. I feel guilty for being relieved.

I'm worried sick about Christmas. Its going to be hard anyway because they'll be away from what they know. The relocation (sudden, rushed, expensive train journey) wiped me out, and I just can't afford Christmas this year.

I'm exhausted, everything is starting to sink in now that I'm out of there, and I know I need help- but I feel I can't seek help because I can't drop the ball where the boys are concerned: they're on waiting lists for therapy, and I need 100% of my focus to be on them, seeing as I'm the only one they have know- we know no one around here and I have no family- and I uprooted them in the first place.

I'm failing like he always said I would, aren't I?

Very brave lady! Just to say check face book for a local reuse group. I am part of one and people give away free things they no longer need. I’ve picked quite a few bits. You might be able fund Christmas this way.

check messages

Also, I hate the fact that so many on here understand. My inbox is always open if anyone ever needs a chat.

When we survivors escaped, it was at a time when we were at our weakest and most vulnerable. Imagine what we can do when we regain our strength!

We had it in us all along!

www.goodreads.com/quotes/95085-i-walk-down-the-street-there-is-a-deep-hole

Here is a poem for you, which your post about being placed in the same situation for a different outcome brought to mind.

Also, I would suggest going through the thread and reporting all the posts which mention your previous name and reporting so that MNhQ can edit it out, if they are not already doing so.

wobbly I've replied.

Please don’t think you’re failing. You’ve been brave in leaving and you’ve taken control which is brilliant. The thing about being a mum of youngsters is that we have to make their decisions about the big things for them. This is what you’ve done by taking your children somewhere safe. Don’t be swayed by your little one being upset. Like you say he’s very young and doesn’t know the reality of what his dad is really like.
Be strong, you can do this. Have a peaceful and safe Christmas and keep looking forward. Remember why you left. You’re a strong woman. Best of luck x

Massive congratulations to you for escaping and getting to start a wonderful new life for you and your DC!
Be proud of yourself and keep looking forward. X

Just want to say I am in awe of you OP. Your life begins here, as hard as that is to see now.

It's great you are so much more positive this morning. Your DC2 tell them age appropriate truth.

Tell he can love and miss his Dad and that's ok but he did bad things to you, to DC1 and to him too and the family knew and wouldn't help. Get him help to deal with his conflicted emotions it do not let his Dad be put on a pedestal.

You can be honest that you weren't always great but you worked hard to get well enough to leave and protect them.

KOKO

I have REALLY missed MN in the last few months!

If someone on here happens to be on the diet thread started in Jan 2019- the one with the spreadsheet- could they please PM me? I'd love to know how everyone is doing, but I can't find the thread!

My Dad walked out on my Mum OP when I was 13.... we ended up in a council house after months with family, with no furniture, barely any food in the cupboards, and only an open fire for warmth. Mum found a full time job, and over a year, we slowly got furniture, and our house become a home.

I can honestly say they were such good years - Mum, sister and I all together and it really was "us against the world".

Don't worry about what your DC can't have - they just need you.

I haven’t rtwholet but just wanted to say I’m from a home where there was domestic violence. You’ve done the right thing, don’t ever doubt it. You should be very proud of yourself 💐

YES you have DEFINITELY done the right thing. Of course you will have doubts, but stay strong. I saw something the other day which resonated with me.....good luck and keep going x

That's exactly how I feel today! It really is the three of us against the world!

My DC will remember being given a TV unit that we had to lug up three flights of stairs. God, that thing is heavy, and we're all under 5ft. I have a feeling the fucking thing weighs more than me!

We ended up sort of flipping it from stair to stair. Bear in mind these are outside steps. And rain soaked to boot.

When we finally got it through the door we just sat on the floor looking at it for about 5 minutes- biggest achievement ever!

I've just decided that that's what I'm painting. Do I have to use proper chalk paint and wax? I'd rather paint it solid white (eventually my lounge wherever we end up will be teal and blue with white furniture).

Project planned in January 😍

Well done & good luck ! I filled stockings with a mix of small treats and basic items (pants) for several years. Three times I upgraded to a nicer stocking, but the contents were much the same. :D If you've got a park nearby, get the boys to look for sweet chestnuts as they can be roasted. Bit late for nuts this year, maybe. MSE (google MSE) is also good for Christmas on a tight budget. Our area is starting delivery of Christmas hampers to agencies this week and presents are sent out 7-10 days before Christmas so do look into foodbank /church hampers soon.

And while I'm on here, could someone recommend a second kindle book on DIY for idiots?

Another memory here- this'll show me up for the flump I really am. I was trying to knock a nail into a wall. I had the "brainy" idea of holding the nail between two prongs of a fork. Genius!

Except it wasn't.

I managed to somehow nail the fucking thing to the wall!

There wasn't enough space to use the claw thingy on the back of the hammer.

I can't remember how we got it off. I just remember that its the first time we'd all really giggled since we got here, and we were still laughing the next day!

Screw-ups equal memories. And giggles.

and holes in the wall

wobbly I'm crocheting them a stocking each. It seems fitting somehow for them to have something they can keep from their first year of safety.

guess which color I'm using

You have absolutely done the right thing. Massively brave to do so but you have given you and your boys the most important gift of all.

Suggest though that you ask MN to delete ALL your previous posts with your old name, because a search could link them to this thread. And they mention your location, and enough details that your dh and his family could be pretty confident they have the right person (I found by searching just your old name, and opening about 4 threads - took me about 3 minutes)

Suspect you know this too, but absolutely no pictures or names of your children on any social media (especially on school websites etc) or they could be found. From your posts you are on FB, make sure your privacy settings are tight, but also don't have any pictures of your face or anything that could identify you (like tattoos if you have them for eg). Or your location and name together. If you want to use it to get local support, which it's great for, change your name so you can't be searched for.

I know I'm nowhere near you, or there are things I'd be very happy to give you (despite knowing that MN recommend against this). Instead I'm sending you my very best wishes for a happy future with your DC

Charlotte he would never find my new facebook. I've got it shut down to the max. Thank you so much for looking out for me!

MNHQ have suggested I delete this thread and start another. So I think I'm going to do that. Please pop over to it- the support this morning has been immense!

I'll report this thread now and get it deleted. If anyone would like a PM with a link to the new thread, I'd be happy to. Please just inbox me.

All done. I've made it obvious in the thread title which thread it is.

Woohoo- no need! MNHQ have saved the day! 😍

I HAVE A CHRISTMAS TREE!!!!!!

Thank you SO much for the suggestion to join the free sites! They're even delivering! So I get to put that few pounds toward my gift budget! I've also got shiny gift wrap- two rolls. We're cutting these up to make paper chains.

So excited!

I just wanted to say you sound like a wonderful and brave person. Your kids will be fine.

OP, I've just read your whole thread and can honestly say I'm in awe of you!

I hope so. They're the reason I'm still here.

So now I'm no longer identifiable, I can say a little more. My eldest seems to be coming on in leaps and bounds. He's been referred straight for intensive therapy, because he confided in me that his "father" did more than just verbally abuse him. I'm so grateful for my childhood experiences atm, because it means that I truly, truly understand where he's coming from, the fear of not being believed...

We truly are all in this together.