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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to just sit here and cry

340 replies

Pityparty4one · 23/11/2019 15:02

As my username suggest I am having a pity party.

I will try and make this as short as possible.
I have 4 DC eldest is DS17. He has major behavioural issues poor mental health and puts a huge strain on the family. He has been with camhs since he was 11.

I have 50 50 with ex and we co parent well.

Yesterday I had the paramedics out as I suffer with asthma and due to a cold my inhaler just was not working. They came treatment given all good. Had ooh gp booked today for script for new inhaler steroids and a spacer.
DC were back with dad today he collected them at 12.

I went to gp got home and was in the process of packing as spending weekend with bf and was meeting him and his mum for lunch.
Just before I left dtwins 13 turned up soaking wet and upset. DS17 had come home to dads and kicked off.
I called ex but phone switched off.
I drove to the house DS17 was there but no sign of ex. He was his usual abusive self towards me.
Anyway eventually found ex who was driving streets looking for dtwins with a flat phone.

I had called bf and said to just order lunch as it had all kicked off and I was running late.
He said "great thanks for messing mum about"
I apologised said there was nothing I could do and still needed to collect my meds.

Went to chemist feeling totally shit as everything was now messed up.
Waited 20 minutes to get served and was told £27 please.
I burst in to tears.
I do not get prescriptions often I mean like a year ago and then its 1 item my inhaler.
This was 3 items.
That £27 was all I had till Tuesday (recently changed jobs so struggling this month)

So I paid now have come home unpacked and I have no milk or bread and no money left to buy any. Plenty of food in so wont starve and dc with dad until Tuesday afternoon but I just feel so sorry for myself.

DS's behaviour ended my marriage and has probably ended my relationship.
He has ruined his siblings childhood as our whole lives have to revolve around him.

I just want to sit here and cry while whining how shit my life is and there is nothing I can do about it.
AIBU...I probably am but will whine anyway Smile

Also sorry it was so long.

OP posts:
FrownPrincess · 23/11/2019 15:25

That sounds awful, OP, I think I’d be crying too in your shoes.

I assume your bf knows the situation and problems you have with your ds, in which case he sounds very unsympathetic - unless it’s a regular occurrence for plans to be changed at the last minute because of your ds kicking off, in which case he’s understandably getting fed up.

Whatever the reason, this situation isn’t your fault. You’re not BU at all.
Flowers

littlepaddypaws · 23/11/2019 15:57

rubbish situations all happening at once, hope things sort out and calm down soon for you Flowers

Original poster
Pityparty4one · 23/11/2019 16:10

Thank you both.

I am just so sad and tired of it.
Six years of battles failed marriage a failed relationship messed up children and in the middle DS who just continues to fuck up everyone's world while he cares on as normal.
Ha I don't even have money for gin to drowned my sorrows Grin

OP posts:
billy1966 · 23/11/2019 16:15

Lord I would cry too in your shoes.

That sounds very lonely and hard.

All I can say is do not feel bad about feeling bad.
You have every right.

💐

ravenshope · 23/11/2019 16:20

oh bless you, what a shit day Is there anything you can do to comfort yourself? Wrap in blankets and watch a nice film?

ElizabethMountbatten · 23/11/2019 16:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

Apileofballyhoo · 23/11/2019 16:24

All of that is dreadful, OP. Having a good cry does help let some of it out, so I'm all for crying.

What help is your DS getting now? Flowers

SanFranBear · 23/11/2019 16:25

Massive hugs Flowers

bilbodog · 23/11/2019 16:27

So sorry you are having such a hard time. Any friends who understand who could come round with gin? 💐

BarbaraStrozzi · 23/11/2019 16:30

Hugs OP. That sounds utterly shit and I'd be crying too.

flapjackfairy · 23/11/2019 16:30

What are cambs doing to help . And gp? Etc.
You do not have to put up with this indefinitely as he will be an adult soon. What is happening then ? Making him stand on his own two feet might make him appreciate you at least a bit. Though I understand mental health is a complex thing and he may not be able to help some of his issues but accepting never-ending abuse and letting him ruin all your lives is not on either. You have the right to an abuse free home.
You sound like a lovely mum who is doing her best in v hard circumstances so really hope things get better for you .

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/11/2019 16:32

That does sound really hard and awful.
But I'm most sad for you that your boyfriend was so unsupportive - that could have made all the difference to how shit you're feeling right now.

Would someone be able to lend you some cash to get your basics in until you get paid again?

(((hugs))) anyway because you shouldn't have to face this on your own. x

billybagpuss · 23/11/2019 16:38

I'm also most sad that your BF was not more supportive, I hope he is better when he gets home. Flowers

Boots20 · 23/11/2019 16:40

Yanbu...at all. That sounds really hard. I have a brother who also causes alot of damage in our family so I know how awful it is.

Your boyfriend needs to understand your health & children come first. His mum being let down for lunch is the least of your worries and your partner needs to understand just how hard it is for you.

I hope you feel better Flowers

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/11/2019 16:43

Hugs and flowers and tea for you Flowers

I remember last year i desperately needed an inhaler and stood there trying to work out if it was worth going over my overdraft for or not. I cried alot that day.

Everything feels worse when you are ill too.

Tell your bf to take his sarky comments elsewhere, you are not well.

Id hibernate as best you can over the next few days just stay snuggly & warm with a book or some switch-your-brain-off telly.

Just make sure you are taking vitamins and getting some fruit and veg down you as well as comfort food. I hope you find something to treat yourself with tucked away in your kitchen that you may have forgot about xxx

Topseyt · 23/11/2019 16:45

I think that what you had to put up with would make most people cry. I know I would. What a shame your boyfriend wasn't more understanding.

Rant away. We all need a good rant and pity party once in a while. Tomorrow is another day and I hope it is a better one for you.

Original poster
Pityparty4one · 23/11/2019 16:46

Thank you all.
Wrapped in blanket watching Netflix.

Don't need to borrow money have food in and after a bit of pocket searching I have found £1.60 so when I can be bothered I can go buy milk Grin

Camhs, gp, social services and police all involved.
He's had sporadic therapy sessions for 6 years, sent to 3 special provision schools 2nd of which worked wonders but sons funding cuts so sent to 3rd schoolwhich was shut down as it was so bad and provided no support to the children.

He breaks everyone's property destroys furniture I have 3 holes in doors and 1 recent in my wall same if not worse at his dads.
We have begged ss for help for years asked for respite so the other dc could have a break. They said they cannot offer that. But could take the 3 youngest away and leave us with DS.
Police have taken him several times as hes 6ft 4 and violent.
Most recently last Sunday after he trashed the furniture in his brother's bedroom.
Ex gave full statement told them he is violent.
10 hours later 4am police at door saying here we have released him you can have him back.

DS self harms and I know this sounds shit but they are superficial and done for attention as confirmed by therapist.

Text my bf to say sorry again for ruining the day. No reply.
I am pathetic and need a day to be pathetic I think.

OP posts:
Boots20 · 23/11/2019 16:49

"Text my bf to say sorry again for ruining the day"

You really shouldn't have, you've nothing to be sorry for!

Frownette · 23/11/2019 16:49

You're not seeing bf after all? Does he not realise how stressful it is for you?

Is ds at his dad's and twins are with you? What a shitty day Flowers

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 23/11/2019 16:49

Have a day of being pathetic but tbh without knowing your situation id lose the bf as doesnt sound like he is doing much to help your self esteem or mental well being.

beecrazy · 23/11/2019 16:50

Are you anywhere near Brighton? If so message me as I'm happy to help you out

SunniDay · 23/11/2019 16:50

Hi OP,
Sorry things are tough. Do you have any Tesco vouchers or nectar points for bread and milk. Do the kids have any money in their money boxes that you can put an IOU £2 and replace it when you get paid. A friend you can ask? I would absolutely want a friend to ask me if a simple fiver would help them until pay day. Is there someone you can text explain about the large prescription and ask to borrow a fiver. Surely your ex or your boyf would want to know if you need their help?

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 23/11/2019 16:52

Not impressed with your boyfriend.

At all.

Would your ex sub you £25?

Original poster
Pityparty4one · 23/11/2019 16:52

No by the time i had cried in Boots i just went home.
Told bf i was too upset to meet for lunch plus I just spent all my money. He text ok bye.
I have heard nothing since.

DS is now staying at his friends dtwins and DS 15 are with dad.

OP posts:
5zeds · 23/11/2019 16:52

Put some milk in an ice cube tray and freeze next time you have a bit spare. That way you can always have tea/coffee and think of all the MNetters who heard you, and said they would cry too. It’s ok to cry when everything’s a bit shit. Hang in there you poor old thing.